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Please Be On My Side

Missing image

All the people ganged up on me,

there was no where to go, I could not flee.
Oh so cold my body is, I'm so paralyzed.
These horrible boys, men have me characterized.

As  a play toy so disgusting to be tossed around.
I'm not even human they don't care my privates they found.
Oh how I feel so torn and ripped to threads,
they were not gentle not even on a soft bed.

I hate sex, I hate men, I hate them all.
These damn men they hurt me so bad it caused me to fall.
They're laughing at me and their privates are hanging out.
I can't say a word I'm a robot, there is so many I can not count.

One, two, three, four I just count the tiles on the floor.
One, two, three, four I keep counting the panels on the doors.
One, two, three, four count Kelle count Kelle Marie.
I counted and counted just for Kelle to survive in me.

Who is me? Who are they? Who will I become?
God I don't even understand where I came from.
Jeffrey says he can help me, don't go to the hospital.
I'd rather dissassocate, not remember which is typical.


Live in fantasy land, to not look at my childhood,
what childhood, I didn't get to be a child even though I should.
Play, play I don't know how to play, I don't want to,
there are to many things, look so many things to do.

Circles, circles, round and round I'm spinning in my head,
God I just want my brain to stop so I can go to bed.
Yes I'm tired of everything I just want to die.
I want to go to sleep and never wake up, just be in bed and lye.


"Lie down little girl, oh know I can't it's not safe in this place"
I never feel safe not to much, those men act like it's a race.
Breathing heavy on me, ewe so very gross and yuck,
they did it to me to give my Dad another fucking buck.

I was sold for money for my Dads addiction, just a little girl.
How sick my Dad was he sold me, and my mom cut off my curls.
I want to be a boy, I don't want to be a girl, I have no control,
boys rule over everything, my whole being like I'm on parole.

People ganged up on me

there was no where to go, I could not flee.
Oh so cold my body is, I'm so paralyzed,
these horrible boys, men have me characterized.

Feeling like a prisoner, confined, abused and spit upon,
I go outside and then I vomit all over the front lawn.
Thank God they are done, I just want to go hide,
Jesus please help me not to be found, please be on my side!

Written by: KelleMarie Stavron
September 12, 2007

Dark Poem

Author notes

"Rule"
also another contest
"Option 5" Child Abuse and my feelings!

A contest entry

Abuse is horrible and now I am speechless!! Please comment

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    April 14, 2008

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    Another heartwrenching account of the things you had to go through as a child. I wouldn't wish this kind of thing on anyone as I have said. My ex boyfriend who was violent and sexually inappropriate was touched up by his uncle and I am so saddened by that even though Karl (the ex) attempted to rape me agressively several times, raped me, sexually assaulted me, beat up my friends and ex boyfriend and the such, I still don't think anyone should have to go through this stuff. Always here to talk if you need it.


  • C J Weatherholt
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... this is a horrible story. That's really all I can say. It's so very sad. What is worse is how many people have actually been through this. I have been surprised in my young age to find how many share pasts such as this one. I'm sorry for what happened and pray that it doesn't haunt you as it has me. Thanks for entering my contest!


  • Nicolette Everett
    November 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Abuse is a very sad point that is for some reason apart of human life. I've been abused and others have too, I just can't believe it's still going on in our time and century. This expressed that idea well through a child's experienced point of view.
    Good job!


  • Glasyalabolas
    October 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Having read this piece and also the comments, I cannot believe the number of people being critical and not realising the viewpoint and persona that this piece is written from.

    Great, well written and expressive piece.

    Good write and congrats on gold.


  • astralshepherd gold member
    October 16, 2007

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    Thank you for entering this into the contest, I appreciate your efforts here. You have a powerful poem, and understandable from the first line to the last but the only thing that detracts is the language and vocabulary, - I get it, I really do, the fact that you need this little girl to express her fear and all of that, but it does miss quite a bit. Having said that, I am not sure how I could offer suggestion as to how you would change this as it is Your exploration and should stand on its own. The impact is impressive, very impressive and although the images are not very lively, they work, just not enough. All that said, this is still a poem, that, I will never forget. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard



    1) Content 9.5
    2) Originality 9
    3) Flow 8.

    4) Word choice (vocabulary and/or rhyme) 7.5
    5) Imagery 7.5
    6) Grammar 7

    7) Form 9.5
    8) Spelling 9
    9) Emotional Impact 9.5

    10) Rumination factor (how well does the poem make me ponder) 10


    astralshepherd’s completely subjective total score =86.5


  • Pollycheck
    October 15, 2007

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    Thank you for your entry into my contest. It is very obvious that this was written directly from the heart. The message was a very strong one and you put it out there very well. I do think that if you did some more punctuation, the poem would read even better. I did notice a typo also.

    "I want to go to sleep and never wake up, just be in bed and lye"

    Should be:

    "I want to go to sleep and never wake up, just be in bed and lie"



    "Lye down little girl, oh know I can't it's not safe in this place"

    Should be:

    "Lie down little girl, oh no I can't it's not safe in this place"


  • ExpectingMommy18
    October 15, 2007
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    hey i know this isnt in the rules for the contest but i would like to know who wrote this poem because i think you did a great job!!

  • ExpectingMommy18
    October 9, 2007

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    i am so sorry sweety this was very sad,im sorry what you had to go through and i hope in time you can heal,there are some sick people out there...thank you so much for entering and the best of luck in the contest!!


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    September 26, 2007

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    This is a very Deep and very Sad Story You did an excellent job Telling it.
    Thank you for your entry and Good Luck in the contest.


  • xHeartofDarknessx
    September 21, 2007

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    Very Well Writen
    it was very hard to decided the winner
    but all in all evan though you were all very good
    and hope you will enter my next contest comeing soon
    so i am now saying thank you for takeing part in my first contest
    Kepp up the good work
    Thanks
    xBx

    "One, two, three, four I just count the tiles on the floor
    One, two, three, four I keep counting the panels on the doors
    One, two, three, four count Kelle count Kelle Marie
    I counted and counted just to survive in me"
    this part stood out to me more than any other
    such a sad deep poem
    thanks for shareing once more


  • the-gifted
    September 19, 2007

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    i hate abuse as well. i was molested once by my neighbor when i was little. once was enough to hurt me forever. i hid it from the world till 3 years back. flashbacks came during a class and i started to lose control of my life. i even thought of suicide, i couldnt believe it. i told my best friend and a guy friend found out through my poetry and then i told my parents. my mother says not to worry the guy will pay when it comes to god's eyes. i hope so daily.

    i think abuse is a terrible thing. i hate it. most of the people i used to hang out with, where abused. a boy who was my best friend during the time everything came out in the open, was finally getting out of his abusive home at the age of 15 and it had been happening since he was a baby. i hate seeing it. as a teen i actually know people that have been through it, because they tell people there age...sometimes. it is just sad to know and hear about.

    thank you for writing this poem. it makes me think that someday i hope it all changes. no one gets away scot free. i believe that punishment should be for these people and if it dont happen in this life time, i know it will happen in the afterlife.

  • bigsister1
    September 17, 2007

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    Wow this is wonderful.

    I totally understand your abuse, get the poison out,poetry is a great way to do that and know as I have found ,there are some really wonderful men out there.


  • Rheea gold member
    September 17, 2007
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    It is not fair it is wrong Are you alone in this no
    do I know I know how it hurts yes keep writing this will help you and someone else it helped me thank you for writing it. I am so angry for you I want to hurt them in return for you I know God I know


  • liquidmindforever gold member
    September 17, 2007

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    Powerful. Meaningful.

    Thank you for entering SATAN'S EMBRACE (The Serpent's
    Ring)
    This is a horrific tale.
    Glad you've entered. Emotional yet my overall overview from the writer's point of view is as follows: I like to be shown not told. You tell mostly.
    "I was sold for money for my Dad's addiction" better
    let us see, smell, taste, hear your pain.
    Love,
    liquid


  • lisargh
    September 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am so sorry that you endured this horror as a child, I am guessing too that the horror still lives on to a degree, good on you for writing this out, keep writing it and keep on healing. It is a long road to recovery from such trauma, here is my hand xxx

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    September 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Usually I offer constructive critique but this painful piece of poetry tears at the heart and soul for the inhumane,barbaric men that did this too you, beyond words for me to offer suggestions.
    I appreciate and understand how hard this may have been to write and I understand why the voices within the poem were mixed up,the adult is revealing in adult terms what the inner child could not voice.
    Paedophilia is the singular most under-rug-swept of crimes,I should like to see capital punishment for these predators who defile defenceless children.
    Recently ( in the UK) I read an article proposing a change in the law,advocating chemical castration for convicted paedophiles,at long last I thought,then the very last sentence "the scheme is voluntary"
    I do not understand our society,the laws are made by men,the laws are broken by men and men mete the justice out. Tax evaders,bank robbers et al all consistently get longer sentences than these predators.
    In Exeter within the UK a judge recently ordered a convicted paedo to buy his victim "a nice,shiny new bike as compensation" that was it,no sentence,no behavioural therapy,just his name placed on a very,very long list of sex offenders and to buy the child a gift.
    I understand what she went through during the moments she cannot forget and what duress it was to be asked to recall it in a court room,it was an insult and a travesty of justice for the judge to pass that "sentence" and I believe he should have been struck off the bench.
    Perhaps I have rambled rather,but sadly these dark people darken our childrens childhoods and leave them as adults to carry the ache of the inner child.
    I wrote a poem re who serves the sentence once,for why should the victim serve a longer sentence than the perpertraitor?
    I sincerely hope that therapy helps within your healing and if writing about it helps somewhat to express and exorcise what the inner child couldn't then God bless you,write away.


  • WulfDiamondLou33
    September 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i was molseted and abused from the ages for 4 to 9 by my older brother. no one knew till last year when i tryed to kill myself. ppl need to open there eyes. the marks on me were soooo clear yet no one knew...

    This poem is deep and true and i hope more ppl read it.

    Diamond

  • Detached
    September 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    absolutely heartbreaking. I'm glad you are getting help now and dealing with what happened. It's sick, the world we live in. We want to protect our children from all the evil in the world, but sometimes the evil gets in anyway, and these children are in my thoughts always. No child should ever experience anything remotely close to this.
    As a poem, it is not the easiest thing to read, at times the flow stutters and fails to blend. But the meaning and the soul behind it is so strong that with a little editing, you would have a powerful work here. Keep writing.


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    September 14, 2007

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    You have expressed in words a topic that hits home for many people. Some of what you said touched me deeply having experienced some of this as a child. I wasnt concerned with your form or spelling, as others have commented on. I was more engrossed in the message you were presenting.
    I hope you find the peace you need within yourself. "You have to feel, to heal". Take care and be well.
    Soulful Woman

  • deathbycrimson
    September 14, 2007

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    hmmmm

    i... like the theme and the emotions portrayed in this poem, but not how it was presented... it didnt flow well... which is something i personally look for in a rhyming poem... that said the emotion and feeling really came out and made me sympathise for the narrator... by the end of it, i confess, i did just want to wrap her up in a fluffy blanket and feed her hot chocolate and muffins till she felt better...


  • Roaddog Wolf
    September 14, 2007

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    This extremely disturbing

    and although those involved should be shown no mercy nothing can ever give back what they have taken. It is very brave of you to speak out and I think this poem says so much and says it very well. It should be read by everyone and it is that well written. There is nothing I could say that would ease your trauma believe me I wish there was.
    I can not understand what anyone see's in any form of child abuse but for a grown man to find a little girl in anyway a sexual turn on is just sick. yet this sort of behavior is nothing new and it goes on as I type somewhere. There should be more we can do about putting a stop to it but what??
    This is a very sad poem with an enormous message.


  • guttermouth
    September 14, 2007

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    As a poem, not the most fluid offering, but that's really not the point here. The message is what is important and the lives and souls of our children need to be the focus. A message that needs to be heard, so many people just don't understand how big of a problem this truly is. The real numbers are astounding. Great job expressing and getting it out... I don't have words for your pain, so I'll leave it at that.


  • storiesuntold gold member
    September 13, 2007

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    Tears for all who have seen

    I feel such an ache in my heart and hope through your therapy you can find peace . Try to focus on the here and now and your husband that loves you so and one day at a time let go of the past for something new from today .God Bless and save you from the memories for he will see you through

  • astralshepherd gold member
    September 13, 2007
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    It is amazing how the little voice speaks so loudly within, silenced by terror, hiding.
    There are too many who may read this and pass by it, looking only for structure, poking at it with a crooked finger and eschew it as something to be stared at. This is not a simple poem to view…this is not some teenage angst. It is as if the reader is looking at words, lines, emotions laid out in a secret journal and for them to be placed here in this public place takes very great courage. I would caution all who follow this comment, to stop - take time to pause here, for just a moment longer than usual, especially if you’ve not read this author before. I think the time you take will do your soul a world of good, to reflect upon the images, the terror, the raw fear and to whisper to your own deep self, the truth of who you are and the desires of your deep self to live free from the past and its hold, to finally be able to breathe, and breathe free. I would like to recommend another poet to read, she is trusted soul who understands this profoundly complex process of healing, her name is Lisa and this is her page here at All Poetry http://allpoetry.com/lisargh
    I cannot impress upon you, enough, the impact her work has had in my own journey. I hope you can find time to read her work, not for the literary value (which is top notch) but for the ways in which she becomes vulnerable in written form. It is a healthy model, i think, poems which explore and seek to find answers.


    Blessings and best wishes, ~richard


    again, her page is
    http://allpoetry.com/lisargh

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    September 13, 2007

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    Oh my gosh this is really sad child abuse is so wrong.I have stated before their needs to be tougher laws tpo protect children from theier parents.What the heck is wrong with this world when parents are giving a precious gift only to destroy it and make that gift not the way it should be.Society has many problems that starts with people and it is up to us as people who care to try to fix it pr at least make it liveable one person cant do it all but one person nad friends can make a differece pass it on.

  • cherchezlafemme
    September 13, 2007

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    I love your poetry you tell it as is and voila! It's full of hope like light through the trees. Abuse is not necessarily a one tunnel vision. There is so much info on it help is available. Your poem is a little dark but very contemplative in balance and change process. It's an amazing thing to see what people can live through, and still want to live. Inner strength is very absolute. Lots of blue sky in your poem. All my love xx


  • Jessi-desensytized
    September 13, 2007

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    lol jeeze i just commented on this then clicked it again on the feature list... which is okay cuz my last comment was really short

    the story line of this poem is absolutely heartbreaking, and i know it happens all too often,

    "Jeffrey says he can help me don't go to the hospital
    He says I won't get help there, I'd rather be tropical"
    i don't really understand where I'd rather be tropical came from?

    I like the flow of the 1 2 3 4 stanza
    I think it could use some grammar just to help the flow of it too

    Some of the rhyme dose seem forced i think this would be a really great poem if you made it free verse

    [but i never like to change my poems lol possibly make another with lines from this one in a free verse style]

    great poem overall, yet terribly heartbreaking, especially with the picture.


  • Jessi-desensytized
    September 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    my god i cant even imagin.. this gave me the chils


  • Girl With Guitar silver member
    September 13, 2007

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    There are several grammatical and spelling issues I picked up.
    Here, I like the message. I can relate to the contents and I know I'm not alone there. However, I don't like how it's written. It tended to annoy me because you couldn't seem to get it all from the child's point of view, but instead mixed an adults voice with that of a child. Now, I realise that it jumps and she could be older through some of it but I found the problem from beginning to end.

    Thank you for helping spread the word, something needs to happen but it can't happen without help.
    Good luck in the contest.

    Bandaid.


  • Young Spook
    September 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Keep writing, you have the potential to be an excellent poet.

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