Where do we hold all of the tears
That end up expressed over the years
That flow from the eyes onto the face
Many things change but never their taste
When our souls were free not yet confined
We needed no tears fates yet assigned
Our physical forms yet to take shape
We knew not of joy, anguish or hate
Soon the call comes the trip to begin
Destiny mapped achievements and sin
All things are known but hidden from sight
Weakness is planted same time as might
Mind is attached to muscle and bone
Then deep inside all organs are sewn
Each of us given all the same parts
Only distinction the size of our hearts
The bigger the heart the more tears to hold
Seems these people pay more of life's toll
To feel more intensely life's ups and downs
Sometimes it seems their tears know no bounds
When it feels like you cry more than you're meant
Try to recall that was how you were sent
You have no more tears than that you can bear
Each one was chosen for you with great care
Author notes
After a 20 year break i am attempting to write poetry again. It's slow going but i like how this turned out. This one speaks to how much i have cried this year.
A contest entry
- come to me.... by crystallynnbradford.
300 points, ended September 13, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm The Sultan Of Sentiment! by Glasyalabolas.
700 points, ended September 28, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For Poets With 5 Trophys Or Less- Pre-Writes by Mercury Rising.
450 points, ended September 21, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES ALLOWED!! Twisted,Strange, Break-Ups, New Love.. by Stripes.
300 points, ended October 26, 2007, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Looking for Favourites by XxGoldenxXDawnxX.
425 points, ended October 24, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything that has good rhyme!(pre-writes allowed) by ExpectingMommy18.
650 points, ended October 25, 2007, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
All comments welcome. Thanks for reading!
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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a very beautiful poem my friend megan would love this one I'm going to tell her to read it sorry I ain't commented in a while but I realy liked this one a lot
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this was a great poem.. beautifully written thank you for entering. good luck!
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wow, the last line is soooooooooooooooo comforting. i love it. there was a nice flow to this. nice job.
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Wow this is an excellent piece
this is nmy favorite part
ind is attached to muscle and bone
Then deep inside all organs are sewn
Each of us given all the same parts
Only distinction the size of our hearts
Goo luck in your future writes i look forward to reading -
Very enjoyable my friend. Certainly a new way of looking at endurance in life...
I liked that it was very painless. It was just short of uplifting; giving it that aura that this revelation took place with drying tears.
I really liked it. Thanks so much. -
Thank you for this entry. It is certainly a very moving piece. I found it very imaginative.
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Wow
wow, wonderful poem and certainly well written. it has so much wisdom in it and really makes me think. you did a great job in articulation, you put ideas and feelings into words so well..
Good Job! -
I have read and commented on this piece before, but as it has been entered in contest, I must comment again and re-iterate what a good write it is.
Good write! -
This was a very well written and poignant poem that was a real pleasure to read. Best of luck in my contest with this excellent poem, and thanks for entering.
David
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This was interesting. Immense flow to the writers descriptions.
[Only distinction the size of our hearts.]
Real nice. Bravo!
BLESSINGS,
LOWELL POE -
It's amazing how well things can turn out after a long layoff. This piece is well written and gets across the message very well, without ryhme or form distracting.
I myself had a layoff from writing of about 13 years (only penning one piece in all that time), very nerve-wracking doing your first piece again, but well worth it and worry no more in this case.
One thing I will say, as it is starting to really put a bug up my arse (pardon my French). Remember, whatever someone comments is and should only be regarded as their personal opinion, take it on board or leave it, the (increasing) number of times I read in a critisism "poetry is what I SAY it is" type comment is really starting to piss me off. You want to know what poetry is (again, take this as opinion)....
Poetry is whatever the heart sings, whatever the heart feels and whatever the heart pens, as a result. Not some trite, "do it like I say so, it is what I say it is" blinkered crap that too many blinkered people repeat ad infinum because they had it pummelled into them by some grey, half-witted, monotone, boring, literature or English teacher who is only in the job because they themselves have most likely proved to be an abject failure at writing themselves.
Blinkered and restricted writting is for the meek and the soulless.
I digress, good write and well done on picking the pen back up.
(Really sorry about the long rant, but I feel neither you nor this piece deserved that critisism. Someone doesn't like the poem and its not to their personal taste, fine, leave at that, but to pull all this "it's not poetry crap....).
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i loved this one!
ive been awol for 4 months and i wrote my first awesome poem today, and im really proud of it, so, after bein away for 20yrs...it shows ur creativity and genuine hurt!
well done!
coop
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Only distinction the size of our hearts <-----oooh, I love this line.
The first stanza of this piece is my over all fave bit about this poem.
Well done.
Im not sure what ArieLLeGiSeLLe was going on about. If you want to make things rhym you should make them. personally I think that it fits the piece really well. I dont think it would have the same impact otherwise.
huggles
xx -
BLAST YE RHYME!
this did not impress me. i did like this line :
Weakness is planted same time as might
Poetry, contrary to popular belief isn't AABB rhyme or ABAB rhyme. Poetry shouldn't rhyme unless done with talent. Rhyme is for professionals who know how to wield it. Who can fir the rhyme to the poem and not just the poem to the rhyme---which is exemplified in this poem. I did not like the rhyme. it immediately turned me off. -
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i appreciate your input an opinion. i am most definitely not a professional..as you pointed out..and have absolutely no training on writing poetry. i write to express myself and rhyme and rhythm often is a part of that for me. i have written a few that do not rhyme and thought they turned out fairly well so maybe i'll try to expand my horizons and write more in a less structured format. Thanks again for taking time to read and comment. Take care.
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love love love
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I liked it. I am guessing you don't know me. I am Asa. I am a poet. I almost always have a criticism for the poem. Lute has managed to only get two bad comments, but he is amazing at it.... most the time I have something to say. And with this. My criticism.
You said:
"The bigger the heart the more tears to hold
Seems these people pay more of life's toll
To feel more intensely life's ups and downs
Sometimes it seems their tears know no bounds"
Personally, I think that you should change the bottom line from what it is now to:
"The bigger the heart the more tears to hold
Seems these people pay more of life's toll
To feel more intensely life's ups and downs
Sometimes it seems their tears hold no bounds"
OR:
"The bigger the heart the more tears to hold
Seems these people pay more of life's toll
To feel more intensely life's ups and downs
Sometimes it seems their tears have no bounds"
Just personal opinion.
Your poem flowed well and you used an easy-to-detect rhyme scheme. However, that is the problem. In a poem of such pain you need something just a tad more chaotic. Or complex.... otherwise, some of the emotion falls away from it... So for your next pained poem, use something more complex....
I hope that you found this brief comment helpful. Keep up the work. Thanks.
~Asa of the Poets of Design -
It's just like riding a bike!
This is good, I like the idea of being given the tears, that all is as it should be.
My favorite verse:
Mind is attached to muscle and bone
Then deep inside all organs are sewn
Each of us given all the same parts
Only distinction the size of our hearts
I also like the reference to the large of heart paying more of life's toll - so true. -
wow
that was amazing. i have problems with depression so i cry, a lot. the last stanza was my favorite it touched me the most. thank you for writing such a beautiful poem.
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one question...why did you stop?
you have a massive amount of talent...why did you ever quit? I'm sorry you've cried so much...I know the feeling...that's all I did in July...a couple people that I loved dearly left this life and I miss them alot...thank you for allowing us to read this and I can't wait for the next one
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wow!
i hope i'm as good as u in 20yrs..when im...35!
this is awesome...and sad...so sad...^_^ i likey!
keep up the greatness and you can be like
SHAZAAM!
lol
TheSpork Princess
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Well there does not seem to be any rust on your pen! This is a beautiful expression of emotion, though sad you sprinkle it with hope. Wonderful work and thank you for sharing.
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wow if this is after a 20 year break I'd love to see some stuff from when you are warmed up a bit this is a great write
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i really like this piece a lot...the flow is absolutely incredible and I am loving the background. i think that you really know how to present your poems and i would love for one to be entered in one of my contests sometime.
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