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Rusted Blade

I sit in my dark corner

Waiting for the pain
To fade away like
Yesterday.

The rusted silver blade
Sits in my palm.
What have I done?

It calls my name
I try not to answer but
I fail to do so

Until one day
I hit a vein.
Blood was everywhere.
I'm sorry.

I hate you
I was thinking.
Then my thoughts faded.
And I never woke up.

Author notes

Suicide

A contest entry

this is my first peoms. is it crappy?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • DarkLotus4Life.
    February 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    No, it's not crappy. The emotion was strong. I really like it a lot.

  • Purple-Meow
    October 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    THANKS SO MUCJ FOR ENTERING VERY NICE AND SHORT
    good luck


  • TheAshtrayGirl
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    :)

    Brilliant
    short but sweet..
    Full of emotion
    Great write
    Good luck in my contest
    From Jaz <3


  • Nam
    October 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "im sorry." - "im" would be "i'm" (going by the vocabulary you're using).

    Other than that, a nice poem that you have written here.


  • danceswsquirrels
    October 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    3/4/4/3
    minus 1
    =
    3.75
    Thanks so much for entering!


    J~~~


  • TheLostGirl
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    nice

    Wow i like that it flowed but didnt rhyme, you manipulated the stanzas to get a message across i like it


  • Nostalgia
    October 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Short and intense. For a first poem it is pretty good. The flow is a little off, but I'm sure you'll get it in time! Keep up the writing!


  • Stripes
    September 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Well done

    great intensity and emotion, i understand this poem in my own way and i like tha fact that its simple and to the point. great job!


  • ScrewAllOfYou
    September 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    An action you do that others may not know about. A way to relieve your pain, but at the same time wishing that you did heed its call. A struggle that you fought with, but ended up losing in the end. Tragic. Good write and good luck.


  • Little Eagle Greeters member
    September 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to allpoetry

    Not crappy at all for a first poem it is really quite good. Believe me I rarely give such praise to a first write. Good flow and structure. Just enough to get inside your head but not over kill. Dark and sad, a feeling of hopelessness and depression.

    I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.

    God Bless
    Tammy
    Site Greeter


  • candy-coated-razors
    September 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    very dark yet mysterious...love it keep up the great work!!!!!


  • xHeartofDarknessx
    September 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very Well Writen
    it was very hard to decided the winner
    but all in all evan though you were all very good
    and hope you will enter my next contest comeing soon
    so i am now saying tank you for takeing part in my first contest
    Kepp up the good work
    Thanks



    With this i think ...
    "The rusted silver blade
    sits in my palm.
    what have i done?"
    Stud out a lot and gave of a lot of emotion
    Loved it
    xBx


  • The Cube
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice, although I don't really like that kind of stuff, it's the poetry that counts here! Great work.

  • tara wilson gold member
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I find poetry like this is a scream, a cry for help. Very sad, and disturbing to me. Reading this is very hard. Maybe that is what you want to convey, maybe not, maybe you are just going for shock value, not sure,
    but yes, heartache, does lead to this in so many people, and not just from 'teenage' lost loves, but abuse...etc, etc, I don't know what caused you to feel this, but I am happy you have some way of expressing it and releasing it, other than the situation in this poem


  • Nicotine Eyes
    September 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    thanks. 100% MADE BY ME


  • whiterabbit.
    September 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is really good. I know the feeling a bit. Thanks for your entry sweetie


  • Nicotine Eyes
    September 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    im jade, idk how to do authors note


  • Beautyfull-x-Angel
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow i have felt like doing that so many times but it never worked for me amazing poem and thanx for entering best of luck


  • Anna Kay
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I find the perspective of this poem quite interesting...it forces the reader to take the middle road between outside and inside view -- it's a bit like watching a scene, but at the same time hearing the commenting thoughts. The two last stanzas of the poem were gripping. In the last stanza I like the way the words were rearranged, in particular in the first to lines of the stanza. I loved the ending -- it's turning the whole poem around and making me want to reread it (which a good poem is supposed to do), and the lack of euphemism (or the lack of compromise) in the stanza in my opinion adds quite a bit of weight to the whole poem. Well written poem indeed!


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    September 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is actually stunning writing. It is deep and dark and full of depression. It is a part of you and how you felt/feel at the time of writing this. Wonderful piece. You have got talent, keep writing.

    Ps You spelt vain wrong, it is *VEIN*

    All the best
    Wayne


  • Kari gold member
    September 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Aw, this was so sad and deep...I hope that you don't really feel like this and that it's just a poem. Hope things get better for you soon..it's not crappy maybe can have some work done on the captails and stuff..like i hate you - " I hate you " I was thinking - " I was thinking " etc...
    other then that you did good for your first of first poems

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