In 1887 the French began building
The tower that still today proceeds
All towers and by 1889
This tower became high arched sight
A World's fair to mark the centennial
Celebration: the French Revolution.
The syntax of the Eiffel on Ticket booth
Seemed to coincide with the empirical price.
This tower soon began to accrue
That legitimises this steel structure
328 steps to the first level,
340 steps to the second level,
18 steps to the lift platform
On the second level,
15 more steps exist to ascend
Too upper observational platforms.
Over the years the awesome gradient height
To the constant congressional citizens
Voting for this towers strength might
The democratic maintenance began to evolve
Like paint that dried in three shades:
The colors change from dark to light
From top to bottom, a shade of brownish
Grey applying 50 to 60 tons every
Seven years, a lucky European value.
The co-architects of the Eiffel Tower
Emile Nouguier, Maurice Koechlin
And Stephen Sauvestre created a
Tower upon a foundation that held
This awesome monument,
People from all over the globe
Proposed marriage, discussed
Espionage and tried not
To feel the fear of its then
Exceedingly phenomenal height.
Author notes
Visited Paris recently whilst up the tower I got shaky knee's it is real high.
It's construction has a great story, but be warned if you have good fitness
then this ones an eye opener.
A contest entry
- Eiffel Tower by ea.
600 points, ended September 12, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Celebrate 14 July... by Vera Rich.
600 points, ended July 22, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Robert Bridge
Comments
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well, congrats on gaining the greenie for La Tour. Its recent flurry of attention was brought to mine by virtue of all the comments it received being sent to me for some odd reason - I guess because of my Paris connection?
I used to scale the heights of Manhattan buildings as I worked there as an architectural conservator for about seven years and got over my fear of heights, but this one gave me Vertigo alright. Glad you made it up. -
Not bad ...
and it's interesting to see the figures on the tower. Since I have an aversion to heights, I don't think I'd ever manage to ascend to the top of the Eiffel Tower. It's good that you did in any case.
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I like the concrete effect - looks a wee bit like Doctor Who's sonic screwdriver, but it's great fun nonetheless. Congratulations on a top-ten place.
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I don't know
What to say Vera Rich, you are trying to help me this one so much, I agree the syntax in the forth paragraph is absurd. I'll be honest with you though I'm not used to altering poems. Also most of my musings; be it from valid sources, like Wickapedia or not has always been automated. As I say this I realise how absurd that is for someone who is studying English Language. Look I know your busy but if you have any suggestions about this section then I'll gladly rectify it. Thanks for your valuable attention. -
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Well - I, for one, do NOT consider Wikipedia a "reliable" source - I have found it to contain many errors ... indeed, on one occasion it attributed something to me which was NOT my work, and it took a huge effort to get the attribution removed.
Even if you use it as a first resource (to give you a general idea of what you want to say), I strongly advise that before completing your work you should check your facts with a reliable encyclopaedia that is written, edited and peer-reviewed by experts. (And, yes, even the most prestigious encyclopaedias have been known to make mistakes - even Britannica in its early days - but the risk of error there is nowadays minimal!)
As for the help you ask for... well, the first thing I would suggest is the removal of the adjectives "awesome" and the adverb "exceedingly", words which have lost most of their impact through over-use... to say nothing of the associations of "exceedingly" with a particular range of cakes!
And do look up the conventional use of the apostrophe! You need it in "tower's" in section 4 of the poem - but NOT in either"knees" or "its" in your note. Remember, grammar and spelling conventions are not simply rules laid down by some old fuddy-duddies in universities - they are means to aiding communication!
(Incidentaly, why did you put the note at all? Any such explanations and addenda tend to detract from the effect of the poem! If you felt that your personal experience of the tower was so important, why did you not incorporate it into the poem itself?)
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An interesting piece. Trying to make poetry out of the statistics of the tower is undoubtedly challenging - particularly in free verse (which so easily degenerates into chopped up prose if one is not careful... and you have made a good effort at it!) However, I do feel that you could perhaps give a little more attention to the adjectives - "awesome" to me seems rather "shop-worn" - particularly used, as you have done, twice in so short a poem as this.
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Yes, I know I said you could have relevant illustrations - but I also asked for sufficient background/text contrast. I find this extremely difficult to read. Could you please make this a little more legible?
And PLEASE - before I return to judge the competition, remove the reference to wikipedia - which is one of my betes noirs! -
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Ok Vera Rich
This is sort of the best I can do and your right it definitely needed a sense of pride done to it, so thanks and good luck voting with your competition. -
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Thank you... I am sorry to have had to bother you - but my eyes really are not good!
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Eiffel
I will be visiting the Eiffel Tower on November 9th 2007. -
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Well, dinnae try walking up the steps! I doubt whether you still can (Health and Safety) but me and my brither once got as far as the deuxième étage (we were wee boys at the time).
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Have you ever seen the film "Ninochka", in which the eponymous heroine, a visiting Soviet official (played by Garbo) walks to the top of the Eiffel Tower, pointing out that the lift fare is "half the price of a cow!"?
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I'll look out for it. La Vache qui Rit? I certainly did.
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