That day in Moscow, it will all come true,
when, for the last time, I take my leave,
And hasten to the heights that I have longed for,
Leaving my shadow still to be with you.
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When you hear thunder, you'll remember me,
recall that storms would please me more than blue;
the sound will set a fire that none can see,
That day in Moscow, it will all come true.
The hardness of the sky upon that day
will be as rubies, that day you will grieve;
and you will mouth the words you couldn't say
when, for the last time, I take my leave.
That day you may repent of such a prize
that you preferred to me and I was wronged for,
but I shall turn my face, avert my eyes
And hasten to the heights that I have longed for.
In blinding heat the lightning-stroke will sever
this bond of love or hatred. You shall rue
your perfidy when I have gone forever,
Leaving my shadow still to be with you.
Author notes
Text: http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/9470-Anna-Akhmatova-You-Will-Hear-Thunder
The glosa has two parts, a text (duly credited) and an interpretation. It is written in the form of an ode, with one line from the text finishing each stanza.
http://www.noggs.dsl.pipex.com/vf/glose.htm
In a list
A contest entry
- What's Up With That? Contest by JeannieD Hunter.
900 points, ended September 29, 2007, 25 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think.
Comments
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This was so sad, but yet at the same time done beautifully. Congrats on your silver piece here
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I'm very pleased with this one. There are some people one has reason not to wish to see again, you know?
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Oh yes, that is for sure the truth there!
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very good...
...write.and congrats on the win.
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Thank you, I'm happy you like it.
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Margaret, this one is really beautiful in its execution. The second to the last stanza holds such an intimate knowing of self and hope in those higher destinies beyond the pains and obstacles another may put in the pathway. It also shows no regret for leaving the perpetrator to find his own happiness. The speaker has outgrown her trangressor, knowing her worth and his loss.
I will read the poem in the link of your author note. Your descriptions and metaphors are wonderful and pull me into her feelings as if it were me. I really think this is worthy of the gold and one of the best poems I've read. I always love what you write, but it's really difficult to keep a favorite, as you perfect your art and new ones unfold before me. ~ Karen
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Thank you Karen.
The poem by Akhmatova really moved me, with an anger that I usually do not express. This poem of hers gave me a metaphoric structure in which to pour some of my old resentments. People deserve to stay in the past when they offer nothing good to the future.
Thank you for your comment about my progress. I have tried many different forms, and who knows where I will be next year.
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excellent expression
You have expressed some sad and regretful emotions in this poem. Your imagery is excellent too. It is a very interesting form of poetry, and you seem to have mastered it. Congratulations on the Silver!
Ethereal One
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Thank you very much, Ethereal One. I'm happy that the emotion comes through clearly, because though it is not personal, that is the feeling I got from the original poem.
Congratulations again to you.
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The repetition really stands out in this piece, working well to emphasize certain thoughts, emotions and images.
Definately an interesting and complex form, used very effectively.
Good write and congrats on silver.
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Thank you! I was having trouble with inspiration, and this form was a great help. I find that the borrowed lines dictate much of the resulting poem, and I also borrowed some images from the other stanza of Akhmatova's poem. She was a passionate and skilled writer in Russian, I recommend looking her up, if you have not yet.
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This is a very good write, I love it. Not seen this style before but then I am new to this. Good luck in the contest.
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Thank you for your comment and applause Pink. My muse has been lazy lately, so I found a muse transfusion. Good luck to you!
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this is very interesting, the poem and the form
I find it gets the point to stick with it repeated like that.
Riftkin -
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Thank you Riftkin - that is what repetition does - some find it boring, but teachers use it anyway!
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This is quite an interesting form, one that I am not familiar with. But I really like what you have written. Very rich metaphor indeed. I agree the last stanza is very powerful. Thank you for entering and good luck.
Jeannie -
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Thank you Jeannie. So many contests these days have next to no interaction going on - this is a wonderful contest.
I'm happy you like this poem - I was very disappointed that so many read and left it.
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This is very well written. The second verse, the metaphor is especially strong. Well thought out rhyme. Fits together like a finished jigsaw puzzle.
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Thank you - though in honesty, I have to credit Anna Akhmatova with her image, "the sky will be the colour of hard crimson". Working backward from the rhyme in the last line is a bit like a puzzle. Thank you for applause.
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Well worded. well rhymed, well snjoyed.Thanks.
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Thank you so much for your comment and applause!
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This is extremely well written. I am unfamiliar with this form, but I love it. Thank you for introducing this new form to me The last stanza is marvelously written with spectacular vocabulary.
"In blinding heat the lightning-stroke will sever
this bond of love or hatred. You shall rue
your perfidy when I have gone forever"
You shall rue your perfidy...amazing!!! I love this. Good luck in the contest
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Thank you very much! The glosa is a challenge, but fun. The stanzas can be in any form, as long as each line rhymes with at least one other.
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An interesting form, to insert someone else's lines into your verse, and to have them fit as if your own. Truly a chameleon feat! Mental gymnastics don't faze you and a good thing too! All the more praiseworthy when I know if I tried it, mine would be forced to a painfully twitching degree!
Good stuff
Terry!
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Thank you Terry It's not that hard, the text comes first, and forms a framework for the glosa's lines. This results in an expansion of the original according to the second poet's thoughts about it. Akhmatova wrote strong and pithy forms in Russian - the translations are changed a little, but still contain a current of anger.
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Cool to see another glosa from you here today, Margaret! Maybe you will write a column on this form. I was excited to see the word Moscow because it dawned on me that you would be a good candidate to write a poem on the Kremlin for the World Wonders collection.
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Thanks for your comment and applause Marcy.
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