oysters and raindrops
complete an electrified
circle
so perfect it makes you believe
you cut slices worse than
the world
and lemonade seems
only a dream
sometimes black feels
like overcooked life
because everyone has
tried so hard to squeeze
the infinity of lemons
and pour the milliliters
of water
leaving the table
alone like a luxurious
layer of fat
but when everything has
liquefied
memories become the finest fabric
and in weaving them
you are
the pearl and the rainbow
Author notes
For Onerios13
Written Sept. 12, 2007
In a list
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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The ending was especially beautiful.I'm sure she will love this.The words flow and bring such a sense of clarity.Life is life and you write it well.
Helen
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This is stunningly beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. I know she'll love it.
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Oh, really? Thanks.
I wasn't quite certain if it'd work :-?
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This is a lovely poem for someone that is going through a tough time, Diana. You make writing dedication poems seem so easy - I personally find a very hard to write them. I liked the idea of lemons here - made me think of "when life gives you lemons" - and how you've build the poem around that metaphor. The last few lines are especially soft and beautiful...that something good comes from "when everything was liquefied". Our memories are indeed precious. Very nicely done, my friend.
~ Nicolette
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Thank you, Nicolette. In fact I find dedications really hard to write more often than not. Your comment are always reassuring though And yes, that saying's what I had in mind. Well somewhat.
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lovly. Simply lovly
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This will be nice for her, since she's going through a rough time.
I feel weird making a suggestion on this, but I have a compulsive need to do it anyway. I would prefer 'layer of fat' to "fat layer" in the second stanza. -
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Thanks. Do you know her? I heard about her and it feels a bit weird since I don't know her well but I wanted to write something for her.
Don't feel odd about making suggestions. I'm particularly unsure about this one but want it to be as good as it can.
Thanks for taking the time to comment. -
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I know her, not too well, but I do. I haven't talked to her much lately though. I especially admire this piece because I've never been able to write tribute poetry. I just don't understand it that well. I think I'm starting to get a grasp on how to maneuver it, but I'm not comfortable enough to try it yet. I certainly couldn't do it this well.
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you know i like this you did a great job on this poem, keep it flowing my friend
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Hmm. Well what did you like about it?
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