The wind told me he was coming
Even before I saw his face
That skeletal visage and black robe
Were just as I imagined
And death was in his eye...
Author notes
I went with the image...
A contest entry
- PIF Quickie 10p. 30w. 24hrs by Asfand.
325 points, ended September 12, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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perfectly captured.
A chilling little tale of perfection.
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I think that you have definately captured the image. I like the way you said a lot in this without it being long and drawn out. But I am curious as to whether or not this has a double meaning to it. Anyways, nicely penned, and most definately captured the picture quite well.
~Midnight Lace -
Good and halloweeny!
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I wish I hadn't read this just before I take the dog for a walk through the dark and stormy autumnal evening.
It's a haunting poem.
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simplicity.
I love your ability to write, emotion and structure... sometimes I feel like raw energy, dangerous and wild erratic sometimes coming up with beatiful poetry sometimes with a messed heap of words, while you are like electricity, vibrant and talented and sending your power through lines and intricate pieces creating masterpieces and lighting the whole world in a thin web of words especially created with a purpose and beauty. I love it.
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Wow. You did an excellent job with the pic. I especially loved that first line - "The wind told me he was coming" That was a great opening line.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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wow ~ never have i had another poem spook me out so much. nice job!
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Very nice! The imagery if phenomenal, not easily done when you are limited in the number of words. Good luck!
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This is very spooky. I visualize the grim reaper in this piece. So glad you escaped the encounter to pen this.
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oh wow
Incredibly powerful write. Gives this intense feeling of passed anxiety - almost a sense of defeat, as though you anticipated death and greatly feared it but have come face to face with it and feel a sick sort of peace with it (or maybe that's what I get from it because I'm sick? LOL).
I love how vividly you described this image with so few lines. The only "criticism" I might have would be the capitalization of the first letter of every line... it's really only a taste thing, but I'd prefer the piece without that, written more like one long line. Perhaps capitalize "The" in the first line, and "That" in the third line, leave lines 2, 4, and 5 lower cased, and maybe capitalize "He" for added emphasis?
Just my opinion, not sure how much that counts seeing as you are the better and more experienced of the two of us.
Wonderful to see you writing!!!!
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Thanks for stopping by. You always leave comments that are thought out and I appreciate that. Capitalizing each line is fairly standard in poetry. Google any of the classic poets/poems and you will see it more often than not. It is different for me, however, as I tend not to do it. But I created it in MS Word and by default the software will cap each line like that. Normally, I change it back before I post and this time I didn't. I felt it was okay as is. As far as captalizing "he", I would say that doing that is reserved for only one "he" and Azrael is not Him. ~grin~ Thanks for your honest thoughts!
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The bay is thick with flecks of white
The freezing air is honed and thined
The gulls sleep on the stones tonight,
Wings locked against the prising wind
With no companion to my mood,
Against the wind as it should be,
I walk, but in my solitude
Bow to the wind that buffets me ~ Vikram Seth
A flurry of goodluck miqulas...
(Love the title)
♥ ~ c
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