Rising,
eyes flutter to wake with
sun kissed hues of
autumn's breath blown;
ears are graced with
winged songs sung in
harmony from
oak branches caressing
window's view
and body stretches upon
cotton featherbed sighing in
gratitude of
nature's kaleidoscopic bounty of
beauty to mark
spirit's blessing to be
alive.
Author notes
Painting above
Painting credit: September Morn © Paul Émile Chabas
In a list
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Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I don't know who eventually took the trophy in the contest this was in but if it wasn't you... the judge obviously has piss poor taste and a lack of sensory perception. This is exquisite my lovely!
♥ Touchof1der -
You are brillant
I love you,
Mel
What more can be said... PERFECTION!!!
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Ooh, I love the image of eyes fluttering while they are waking up
That's a very beautiful and strong picture to start this poem with!
Also here, I noticed the 'chopping off' (as I still don't know the correct word). I'm going to give you how I'd do it again (I hope you come on quickly by the way because, IF you don't like me doing this, then I can stop it
)
Rising,
eyes flutter to wake
with sun kissed hues
of autumn's breath blown;
ears are graced
with winged songs,
sung in harmony
from oak branches
caressing window's view
and body stretches
upon cotton featherbed sighing
in gratitude
of nature's kaleidoscopic bounty
of beauty to mark
spirit's blessing to be
alive.
As you will see again, I changed quite a bit around. But then again, remember that this is just my personal feel to it and that in no means I'm saying the way you've written it is bad
as I told you before beautiful one, it's a matter of taste
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first stanza is wonderful, set the mood for this entire piece. Really captures the imagination, excellent! Enjoyed this very much, simply beautiful
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Beautiful Mum
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how wonderful this is!
Such a beautiful write filled with such breathtaking imagery!
Lynda
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Lovely
You have described a beautiful morning in bed listening to the birds outside your window as the sun rises. Ahh one of my favorite things.
I am pleased to see life blessing brought to the spiritual level in this piece. It creates such an ethereal image of a simple moment. Soft - unique - pleasurable.
A very fine poem. I loved the way you arranged the lines to flow down the page, near ripple like. Very artistic.
Yes, indeed, a lovely poem. Well done. Thank you for entering my contest. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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I feel the first stanza as I sit near my window, and the breeze billows though it with an effortless ease. I am impressed at the sense of discovery in your lines, almost as if this is the very first time you noticed any of this, and I know that isn't so. Nature has a way of expressing itself with the greatest sensuality. We talked about this, and you have backed up what you shared with me to the tenth degree princess. This is beauteous work. I know you will do well in the contest.
Always ♥
Mom
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I was actually looking at this painting the other day. The texture, imagery, etc.,
I feel the first verse sets the tone of the entirety of the piece, and the painting selected.
A good piece here.
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Second piece from this prompt I've read. Both have responded with admirable grace and skill, weaving silk and satin words to match the artist's imagination. The motion of lines is particularly effective here, almost echoing the model's stance. Very mice.
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Very beautiful this is, a soft morning and feelings of contentment for life Love this!
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To be alive captures the tone and beauty of this art splendidly. You give surreal views of the coming season within this inspiring write. Blue
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