A blue firmament --
marshmallow clouds hang from
Eternity's brow.
Author notes
I guess some could say this is a haiku, some would say it's a senyru. I'm undecided.
A contest entry
- Basho's echo by monkus.
950 points, ended September 19, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE HAIKU-SENRYU CONTEST! by MysteriousWhisper.
450 points, ended August 17, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
-
I believe i read this poem from yours before and I have to say...I still really like this. such imagery!! beautiful write -- good luck
-
I love the image of sky in this, and how you related it to eternity. Very beautiful
Carrie
-
Now this is definitely solid Gold! And it wears the trophy to prove it. Vivid and packed with power. Marvelous!
-
me likes
hmmmmm, this is awsome great imagery and language.
-
so great!
love it!
simply a divine 'ku
congrats on the previous trophy and
best of luck in the contest
!
-
This is good. "eternity's brow" ooo thats good
-
Nice job. Peace.
-
Ahh, so beautiful is this 'ku. I like the richness of its imagery, the wonderful juxtapositioning of the clouds against the horizon under the blue sky..atleast that is how I see it. My only suggestion is to remove the period(full stop) at the end of L3 because haiku do not allow for that. Also, to minimise "A" in the title and L1.
Richard is a great guy! Congrats on being accepted into CZH Winter 2008.
Charishma
-
PS. Congratulations on the Gold Trophy!!!
-
Good heavens... Just as I thought I new something about poetry, I learn something new!!!
Very different, must admit.
Thank you very much for the link!!
-
Thanks for entering!
I wish you the best of luck.
I hope you had fun.
-Dlvvanzor (Like my haiku comment for the haiku contest? lol)
-
Thank you for entering Haiku and Senryu contest.
"eternity's brow"
nice
blessings of peace,
liquid -
Like the visual here. Congratulations on the Gold trophy...
Lady Dragonwyck
-
If I'm reading this right. "Eternity's brow" being the horizon is pure poetic genius.Excellent Haiku.
-
-
Of course ...
and how are you doing? Hopefully, something good has happened in your life by now?
-
-
a well deserved Gold trophy here. I love the idea of "eternity's brow". Best wishes in having this accepted by "Canadian Zen"
reenie
-
-
cherche -d -ame
I got a reply this morning. It's been accepted for Canadian Zen Haiku for Winter, 2008.
Thanks.
I hope life has been treating you well. Haven't heard much from you for quite some time.
-
-
lovely image, wonderful way to spend three lines and some words. many thanks
-
-
Odd ...
My comments aren't showing up. Thanks for the Gold trophy. Also thanks for the inspiration to write this. I rarely write a poem for an ongoing contest and even more rarely post it immediately, so I appreciate your contest very much.
Thanks again.
Jim Dunlap -
Thanks for the trophy ...
and for everything. It's rare that I write a poem specifically for a contest, but I did this time, and it came out fairly well. I've submitted it to Canadian Zen Haiku. I shall let you know if it is accepted.
-
-
Wonderful! This is everything a haiku should be, nature and image. You titled it with only the first five syllables which is wonderful as you did not slide an additional image in giving unfair advantage. The image is vivid and powerful. I smile when I see that you have sixteen kana in English. An ideal haiku should be short/long/short - but that depends on the haiku itself. There is nothing wrong with 5/7/5, if that is what you want to write. However, the majority of modern haiku in most of the journals are not 5/7/5. That doesn't mean that it doesn't have its place. After you have been writing and studying haiku for a while, you may be ready to break a rule as you did here. This is fine, if it is needed to improve the quality of an individual haiku, in this case I think it did. Well done!
Love,
Amera♥
-
-
But I won't win the contest ...
Not that it matters. I enjoyed writing it. I rarely write haiku in English. Most of mine have been in French, and I throw most of them away because they aren't that good.
-
-
it is easy to see your awesome talent here...You are very good at these kinds of poems....
-
Poetry in motion
I have to second Rob in that I certainly can not pull off haiku like this. Lovely
-
Delightful. I have such trouble with haiku. I keep missing that AHA moment. This is excellent. ~Pamela
-
Wow!
I used to didn't do Haiku because the "experts" would holler at me for incorrectness. {Funny, none of them were Japanese}
Now I don't write it because I could never do it like this. Excellent!
-
-
Thanks, but ...
I'm not really that good at haiku. I just dabble in it, and most of my haiku are in French anyway, so I can't post them here. I have a haiku page on Mindful of Poetry though, in case you'd care to ever take a look. I think it's www.mindfulofpoetry.homestead.com/haikupage.html
The Japanese laugh at our ideas about haiku. In Japan, each haiku has 17 ideograms, and each ideogram can represent a few words to a whole paragraph. (Or so I understand from the Japanese haijin I've talked to over the years.)
Thanks for reading in any case.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 36 of 36
