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Emotional

A single spark, claustrophobic dark
Losing control in a downwards spiral
A chance thats passing
Personalities clashing
A wirlpool enveloping
The feelings developing
A maze of lies
As time passes by
The truth is revealed
Our futures are sealed

My heart is rotten
My pain not forgotten
Anger smolders benieth
A frozen shieth
Laughter disguising
A pain aganising
Cowering behind
A shattering mind
Sharp and dazzling
Dangerously baffling
Justice is revealed
Our destinies sealed

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Moon Maiden
    June 16
    Edit | Reply
    very nice flow and emotion. thanks for entering. good luck.
    ~DarkestNoon (contest Suicide)


  • Dlvvanzor
    April 25
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering!
    -Dlvvanzor


  • xXxIceQueenxXx
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    Quite a punch to this piece! Once you start reading you get sucked in until you get to the end. Great job, and thank you for entering my contest!


  • xXCadyBabbiXx
    January 3
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering!
    Very good write!


  • frozenblackpetals
    January 2

    Edit | Reply

    woooooa....

    that was so intense. its like i got all caught up in the motion or something of it and swept away. totally awesome! good luck and thxs for entering!


  • Clayton E Crowley
    November 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love how this, to me anyway, builds up into a climax...very well done...


  • Shya
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Flowed well, rhymed well too. This really did flow very nicely, and there's good imagery. Thanks for entering.


  • upperworld06
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    awesome flow and rhyme. i like the last two lines of the first and second verse, how u had them end the same but use different words...sorry if thats confusing lol. good job and good luc


  • RunningFromReality
    September 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was very well written! It flowed beautifully! Imagery was great, too. Thank you for entering and good luck!


  • peregrin
    August 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice write!
    I really like the flow!
    Good luck!


  • Ravenblood
    May 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very Very Nice, I loved the rhyme and rhythm of it, it seemed to be a before/after write. I liked the repetitive factor of the end of each stanza, keep up the good work.

    Thanks for entering this contest, I'm so very sorry about taking so long to judge it.

    Claire-Anne


  • Silly Rabbit.
    April 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the words you used to rhyme together. It gave it a certain rhythm that caught on and grabbed my attention. And the feelings expressed throughout this.. just so strong. Wonderful job, and keep up the good work


  • Luminescence
    February 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow... love the first line... and odly when I usually hate the poems that rhyme I really liked this one...it had a great rythem to it and was a joy to read...great diction.

    Thank you so much for entering your piece in my contest and good luck.
    ~lumin


  • Spookshow Baby
    September 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely brilliant, I love the feel of the poem as you read. also ive always been a sucker for good rhyming. I love the word choice and form. great job!


  • Silvos. silver member
    September 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this one alot. very good write, from strat to end. It is definitely how the title describes it to be: Emotional.

    Bravo,
    -Silvos.

1 - 15 of 15