I plunged in the Ocean of creation
Did not know how to swim,
Groped for a support
On which I could rest.
It has neither beginning nor end,
Revolving in a cycle.
What all came and went,
No! even time cannot tell.
Evolution and involution
Going on and on,
What a variety is being created
Absolute Consciousness can only feel!
Every particle and moment of It
Carry definite significance,
We need to realize
What makes them come and go.
Supreme Intelligence is inherently present
In all that exists,
Pronouncing "Om" in great silence
With illuminated face and bliss.
***
Author notes
Prompt: "In the sands of time, it was all left behind"
A contest entry
- Closes Whenever by Twins 4 me.
950 points, ended September 27, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Random Old Poetry by ea.
500 points, ended July 23, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Final Option - Finalist - Open to all by Florida Sunshine.
1150 points, ended September 7, 2008, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write me a Response! by Bean Sidhe.
1500 points, ended September 28, 2008, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sands Of Time by BloodDragonRuler.
825 points, ended November 23, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Great write! Thnx for entering the contest!
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Rabindarath Tagore! Nice piece.
Thank you for entering my contest. Congrats on your trophies from earlier contests. -
Great write! as evidenced...by the trophies!
Thanks so much for entering! Best wishes in the contest...and always! Write on!
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The best lines here are the last two, because they are where you stopped telling and started showing.
Thanks for entering. -
My official review of your poem in the contest. Because this is a 'final' contest, I am feel I should be as strict as I can be in looking over every aspect of the poetry presented. I have never claimed to be an expert in any of the categories, however I have been learning a great deal over the last few months. Not only did I want to challenge you [the poet] but myself as a judge.
Below I've made the ruling/score in regards to the points. If you disagree with any of my reasoning please 'reply' to the comment made – with “Challenge” and explain where you feel my assessment is wrong, if I agree with your argument I will change the score. I'm never to proud to admit when I'm wrong. If I feel I am still correct I will bring in a 2nd judge to make the final decision to a change. This final judge will be through my grammar group.
Your Scores:
Finalist -- 10/10 points - Congratulations on making the final round, I'm glad you were inspired to enter.
Use of Prompt - 25/25 Points – Timeless – Now this is what I call going deep with the prompt. I can make the connection of focusing to the point where time does not exist. If I could give you bonus points in this category I would.... Terrific creation.
Poetic Form – 20/20 points – This is regards to the actual structure of the poem. It appeared as a free write style. What I've learned from writing free verse is you use words to 'pack' the punch. I do feel you've accomplish this, I did note the caps on certain words which as I read the piece, I assumed you wanted the stress on that word.
Use of Grammar - 10/10 Points – I couldn't find any errors. Great job!
Spelling - 10/10 points - Perfect
Overall Presentation 20/25 points – The background I feel is your only 'lacking' area, you could had used the water or even just black – because even space is absolute with no beginning and no ending. I've done yoga, and really feel you should clear your mind of all distraction, even if you do it in a darken room. The font color is perfect with the background you have chosen, makes the piece very easy to read. I love the imagery and metaphors you've combined in this write. Terrific job
Your total score is 95
I do appreciate your participation. It was a welcome pleasure to read and review your work. I think you did a terrific job!
Best of luck to you,
Florida Sunshine
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A wonderfully created take on the prompt. Thank you for sharing.
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Wow I like what you wrote here. Nice job for the prompt. Goodluck in the contest!
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Thank you so much for this timeless meditation on the essence of the never ending soul. It fills me with grace to contemplate the possibility of an endless journey like this, where one is simply allowing oneself to go in and out of different existances with ease. I love the Tagore poem you linked to. To think that:
"We are too poor to be late."
but that as "I hasten in fear lest thy gate be shut;
I find that yet there is time."
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I think it is a great coincidence that ultimately I could successfully link my poem to an "Old Poetry" poem as you wanted. The most surprising part is that the linked poem is of great novel laureate Rabindranath Tagore who is also from India and Bengal where I myself belong to.
This is of course due to your constant effort to make me understand and do the thing you needed. Thank you. -
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yes, I was hoping people might uncover some cosmic coincidences in this way here, just by going with the flow. Thanks!
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WoW! I loved it. My favorite lines were
"I plunged in the Ocean of creation
Did not know to swim,
Groped for a support
On which I could rest."
Nice work
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Great.
Didnt focus much on how the world ends, but the principles match what i was looking for in this contest.
Like the feeling of it.
Keep up the good work
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Wonderful!
I can understand the HM, congratulations on that.
I shake my tambourine for the effort of entering my contest, and sway in song to wish you the very best…..la lalalala la -
Thanks for entering
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Very thought provoking! Thanks for entering!
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