I noticed how
he placed his ample hand
tenderly,
so tenderly,
within the small of her back
leading her securely, softly
away
and how that same, ample hand
wrenched this heart--
the one
he had caressed before
without ever having stroked it
Author notes
Line breaks edited after judging
In a list
A contest entry
- Picture Inspired PIF - 10 Lines by AliceinPoetryLand.
700 points, ended September 11, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is just a superb piece, you have captured the outward perception of how we see things, in reality we never know the stories behind the scenes. It made me think somewhat about abused women (don't ask my why or how just be happy it made me think lol) how the outward picture projected does not match the inner turmoil felt. Well done on a great write and also on the silver trophy it was very well deserved on this piece
Karen
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beautiful... the woman pictured
does seem to have been touched by the ample hand in both ways... very astute observation... you've revealed the sadness and sorrow below the surface, explained why she appears to be clinging...
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Thank you so much for your comment on this poem. HMMM, the stanzas speak of two DIFFERENT women. I wonder how I might make that more apparent?
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I see it now...
I think that, perhaps, it may already be clear, I was just not expecting or looking for it... I'm a bit obtuse today...
"wrenched the heart he had caressed before"
not meaning her heart but implying the heart of another...
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A truly very beautiful take on this pictue. Tha two contrasts are very touching yet very sad.
Thanks so much for a wonderful entry.
Gaylene
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very beautiful poem good luck
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dramatic contrasts here, the hand, ample and soft, then ample and wrenching hearts... no particular motivation makes it seem unmotivated and cruel; very creative, very expressive writing here...PK
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thanks pete for taking a look at my poem and for taking a few minutes to leave your thoughts!
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The poem works its shift nicely, from external appearance to inward reality, pivoting on the single image of the ample hand--"ample" takes on interesting new meanings in each stanza, remaining appropriate to both. The straightforward diction works well also.
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thanks so much for your keenly observant comments!
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