The world was filled with pain
to smile there was nothing to gain
One morning I awoke
I thought it was a joke!
The lines on my face
they were a total disgrace!
I knew who was to blame
I hung my frowning face in shame
I tried practicing a smile
yeah, I missed it by a mile!
Today's a new day I guess
I will try to smile my best
If life makes you want to whine
Just remember "SMILE" or you'll get the lines!!
A contest entry
- Make me laugh by lilblueeyesmine1978.
425 points, ended September 20, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Need A Laugh by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended April 29, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything that'll make anybody happy! by FindinSoundInSilence.
474 points, ended July 7, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Nicely done, the flow and rhyme are awesome. And it certainly made me smile. Superbly penned
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The piece is cute,
but if I may be so bold...
Nine out of fourteen of your lines have an "I" or "my" in them. A few is fine, but you don't want to overdo it.
I knew who was to blame
I hung my frowning face in shame
I tried practicing a smile
could become
I knew who was to blame
and hung my frowning face in shame
while practicing a smile
which cuts down on the personal pronouns by half. In some rare instances the explicit declaration is needed but when you can dispose of some do it. I recommend writing a poem the way you'd think it or say it, then go back over it and look for repetiton of words or ideas that are to close to eachother and reword to suit.
Talk to ya later!
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so true and yet so easy to do. thanks for brightening my day and this did make me smile. i fell like planting this above my mirror that way i will remmeber to smile everyday.
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Great
Within your very own eyes it tells of your choices in life . Stand tall and view this world through eyes of love not want and each day will be brand new . Look into those eyes and turn your life around ask for help and see it through . If you feel you dont have the money as is in so many cases then reach out go to the meetings even at alcohole enonimous and learn what addiction takes to back away from it . In one step at a time and making that step clean you can free yourself of self abuse and in time as you look through your eyes the world will be there to catch you and you will find love once again find someone you can talk to when you get these feelings to help you get past hard times get those feelings out and release the thing that is hidden within the very root of the adiction and cast it out
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