dark, still, and lonely is the night
and i am left without a light
candle burnt out by my words
the kind of which you never heard
masked by a cold insensitive glare
i choked out any hope of flare
could my head be in my heart
this poem would have a different start
had i not feared what my heart said
night would i never have to dread
for your smile would light my way
we'd carry on til burst of day
but i boxed out life and held in fear
would not break a smile nor shed a tear
for your name was indifference
but to me quite the difference
you never knew
nor will you
for that is my greatest weakness
my pinpoint of uniqueness
i can't bear to utter a few short phrases
i must comply with longing gazes
though in my head i know to be true
the only words i can say to you
i am but a small black spider
i am saved, honoured, respected
i am one you'll never learn to love
Author notes
this is a true story... well a true many stories... i've got over my writers block and i didn't have to much trouble with this one... i'm kindah feelin like dancin!
A contest entry
- [[ Unrequited Love and a Longing for You ]] by ThatONEweirdChick.
602 points, ended September 24, 2007, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silvosian Rhymes Group Contest by Silvos..
600 points, ended September 27, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
well give it to me straight
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Nice one! I love the imagery in this and the words you used to express your feelings were just perfect. Nice write and thanks for letting us all see it.
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Even better te second Time I read it.
-Silvos. -
Congratulations on getting over your writer's block! I know how frustrating they can be.
I love this poem, although I can't say that I *directly* relate to it, lol but I can relate to it in some way.
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Yes..I totally love the last line..I am one you'll never learn to love. UGH. so true. So sad. MAN. Now I have to go cry somewhere.
Okay not really.
But pretty close to it. I'm glad you got over your writers block to enter something for me, Thankies =]
And yes good luck. -
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whoot! im so glad i wrote a good one! ah my love life is depressing.. or lack there of but i guess i have time enough to fix that. thanks for the comment... oh wait you have to comment your the damn judge
have fun contests are hard... (specially when you get really bad entries...) hehehe
~lostelvenchild -
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Yes I do, haha.
But I especially liked commenting on yours haha
=] -
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Well that's probably a good thing!
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Niki, this is amazing! I loveers it! I say dance. dance cause this is an awesome poem. congrats for getting over writers block btw. I wish that'd happen to me. ILY
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Dance the night away, this one is great. I like the AABB writing style, and this one is very unique. You described the situtation perfectly, to let the readers know what you are feeling. I love it, and congrats of overcomming writer's block. Good luck in the above listed contest, You may have just bagged the competition with this one!
-Silvos.
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now see heres whee i would normally say you're too kind, but i really do feel i have a good chance with this one... of course it always goes the opposite way planned. but you know..... and thank you for your comment!!! XD
~lostelvenchild
P.S i might just have to dance the night away...
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nice
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well, you got me with the title, i have to say and it compelled me to read it - - so glad i stopped here. i think the last line really says it all.
blessings and best wishes,
~richard
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