Dusk. A solitary world bows its
Crystal face toward blank stars. Fires huddle
Heat unto themselves. A smooth arc swings,
Unseeing, past an azure-tinted moon…
And the Dreamer, worn with labor, sleeps
into a desert waste where
heat
defines all unseen boundaries, where
heat
squats chafing on streaked brows of leathered men
leathered women leathered neutrals
sexless genderless naked to the
heat
that swells thickened knots of pain
lashes flesh
tears flesh
desiccates flesh and leaves behind
just husks…,
except where angry hearts store
hidden treasure, cooling treasure, liquid treasure
to transform their world; and in the roiling moistness
of their hoard the
Dreamer’s flesh prickles with unwanted heat,
The Dreamer’s sensate skin grows damp and slick,
The Dreamer’s sleeping eyes demand sweet dreams
of water everywhere,
fathomless, silent, except its constant
hiss
water upon water
infinite within the bounds of this small place;
water swirling currents without name
through eons without name
fingering evolving life
without names
small flitting forms
breathe their magic
build fragment empires
where resistless currents
hiss
beneath enormous emptiness that
Startles--the Dreamer almost wakes, then sinks
To unseen depths that marshal close against
the darkness of a dying sun,
dying breath that rouges dying sky
raises dusty pillars with
anguished cries of fear and pain
and horror—
feels a rush of sudden hope
swirling
Deeper into darkness, the Dreamer whirls
world upon dizzying world,
possibilities multiplied upon themselves—
uncountable scarlet leaves
swirled kaleidoscopic, mythic storms—
until
(like grains of sand
washed cutting-sharp by ages)
each silhouettes
into the Dreamer’s self
becomes the Dreamer’s self
amplifies the Dreamer’s self in
galaxies’ spin-frantic magnitudes until
The Dreamer awakes, rises, walks into
The light … to generate infinities,
To organize vast worlds without end.
A contest entry
- "What You Love" by FallenAngel09.
300 points, ended October 4, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Out of the ordinary (PW allowed) by Aura of night.
320 points, ended November 15, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Interestingly written as much as the lines and syllables are mixed up it flows interestingly well, best of luck...Scott
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wow!
Most poetry I read give the same..feeling when they write. But in this, the wording is so much better and more crisp. Wording I am not used to seeing but I would much rather see than the rest. The way you described dreaming makes me relaxed and feel peaceful.. -
Thank you for your entry into my contest, your talent and hard work are very much appreciated. I absolutely loved this poem, the fleeting quality that accompanied the repeating words that made it seem like that time just before wakefulness, if that makes any sense. It was anawesome poem, but I do have a few critiques. I felt the long lines seemed longer because of those one words short lines, and it was a little odd flowing that worked well sometimes and just missed the makr on other times. I am also a very big fan of backgrounds and I thought you could have made the poem pop with the absolutely perfect choice of a background and font. Those, however, are very minor things that really don't need to be fixed for the purpose of this contest. So any way, great job and good luck.
Your Host,
Tiphanie
p.s. sorry it has taken so long to judge this contest, it has been a hectic few weeks where I have had little time but for studying and going to class. Any way, hope you are well. -
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Thanks for your comments--much appreciated. The variations between long and short lines were intentional but I will look at them again for effect. As to decorative font and background...I rarely use them since I'm more interested in the words than in visual effects (and I'm old enough that too much going on bothers my eyes, so I don't inflict that on anyone else). It was an interesting contest, and I enjoyed your responses. Thanks again.
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This is a very good poem in fact really good. I need to mull it over again and again, not because it is vague, but because you put so much into this. What a joy this is!
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Thanks for the comment and the compliment. Much appreciated.
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strong work. just looking it over for a third time..
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see private note michael.........
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michael!!!!
this is a contest poem so......whether or not it is a prose poem? The overall effect is surrealistic and I am going to quote my college professor who said if you mean God then say God. The whole poem is worthy of a God. It becomes so powerful that I find only you are the one capable of running it through words so well as you do. I rather wish some human element be grounded somewhere, or some God element, but I like it for it's swirl and it's images. If you want more, please let me know. Thank you so much for looking at my little cute Triolet. You are my sonic hero making new worlds while I am left on benches with ladies. Ah!
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Thanks for taking the time to comment--and I thoroughly enjoyed the triolet; it's more than just 'cute'.
I have to go with poem on this one, since the left-hand justified lines are all (I think, after making one correction just now) decasyllabics, occasionally even iambic. That was the intention, at least. Then the dreams interrupt/erupt into free verse that is (again, I hoped) surrealistic and unformed.
The piece kind of fits into my science-fiction/fantasy mode of thinking, so I'm not sure about 'God' (with the capital), but most likely 'god'--it's hard to think 'theologically' with this Asimovian/Herbertian/Cardian kind of imagery floating through the mind.
But again, thanks. A case where the contest option fits precisely with what my sometimes-stubborn mind wanted to explore. I'm glad you found in it the power/imagery I hoped it expressed.
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Vivid imagery
I like the repeating of words throughout this poem. It is surreal and echos like emphasized subliminal high points reinforcing images and feeling. Your imagery is relentless and woven together like a fine tapestry. Your form is interesting and captivating. Very nicely done.
Dennis
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Thank you. The words you used--surreal, relentless, woven--are precisely what the poem was intended to convey. Thanks for the close reading and right-on responses.
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