Breaking Through This Amniotic Dream
My Thoughts Lay Spinning
As The Darkness Howls
My Tormentor Weaving His Craft
Pulling My Senses Taut
Grazing Hands Splinter
Extracting Pulpy Grey Matter
Another Drone To Act On Impulse
Formulating Lies Mixed With The Sands Of Time
Leaving My Tongue Calloused And Blistered
Choking On What Little Truth Thats Left
Flesh Begins To Fester
The Acrid Smell Is Infused With Sweat
My Eyelids Clipped And Thrown Away
So I Can Bear Witness And Endure
All The Sins I've Never Confessed
Forgotten Dead And Buried
In This Languid Heart Of Mine
Author notes
Violent Messiah has released his anguish on 9/10/07 at 10:53am. IL
A contest entry
- Release Inner Anguish (ROUND 3) by Dovina.
1150 points, ended September 9, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Inner anguish released indeed. Great imagery and fun to read, in a dark and dreary way. I also like that you capitalized each word...
Nice work, pretty shiny gold trophy.
creatress
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I think there is little to add here. Amazing !
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I believe this a stong write. More than my style, or what I am used to reading, but it opens my vision more. I like spreading my wings. Congratulations on your gold trophy. A poem full of profound thoughts.
Kelli -
Beautiul Write.
This is a beautifully written piece. I must admit that it isn't my type of poetry, but I love it nonetheless. The emotional response a reader can get from this piece is incredible. -Lexii <3 -
This is...one of the greatest pieces I have read in a very very long time. The imagery was exceptional and the words haunting, and echoing such beautiful sorrow that if you did not win a gold for this, I would have been intensely disappointed. The arrangement of your words is perfect and I actually like the fact that you capitalized each word. It is something different. Extraordinary piece of writing, one of my favorites thus far.
~ Katrina
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This is an amazing piece of thought you have penned here. Excellent use of imagery to allow the venom to course though. Intense, and oh so poignant. Wonderfully penned piece of the darker side...
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wow
I loved the imagery in this poem. it made it very picturable. it was a very good write. i also love the word choice in this poem. it helped with the imagery. good job. keep up the good work. -
This is a great poem with very good imagery. I just wouldn't capitalise every word, it makes it hard to read. I throughly enjoyed this. I can feel the torture. Thanks for sharing!
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This is such a great poem. I really enjoyed reading through this. The imagery here is amazing and the wording you have used is brilliant. Well done, and congratulations on winning the gold trophy. It is very well deserved.
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This gave me a chill
Its really good! I agree with the comment about not capitalising every word though.
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I love this poem, but I would suggest not capitalizing every word. It hurts my eyes and makes it difficult to read.
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This poem has a vivid point and powerful verses. good job.
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i loved the vividness of the first three lines, but then it seemed to go down, a lot of the rest of it seemed a bit superfluous, and didn't go well with the first part. overall however, it is pretty striking, if only for diction
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"My Tormentor Weaving His Craft
Pulling My Senses Taut"
The way that these two lines sounded, was completely perfect. The words that you used to create your images are interesting, not commonly used, and were arranged perfectly.
Reading this gave me goosebumps. Beautiful work. :]
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Frightening
yet at the same time entirely enthralling. A chilling use of vocabulary that creates an environment of unescapable fate.
"My Eyelids Clipped And Thrown Away
So I Can Bear Witness And Endure"
The power of these lines alone should mark this as a brilliant poem.
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So I Can Bear Witness And Endure
All The Sins I've Never Confessed
Forgotten Dead And Buried
In This Languid Heart Of Mine
Yes you are quite true and wonderful in this verse ..I love this piece..well done... -
excellent
very good very scary very powerful
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Another Drone To Act On Impulse
Formulating Lies Mixed With The Sands Of Time
Leaving My Tongue Calloused And Blistered
Choking On What Little Truth Thats Left
this is so haunting! It sent shivers down my spine! A little use of grammar would have made it better but I just loved the thought and passion you put into it
this is an amazing piece of poetry. you are very talented. well done and keep up the good work! -
I see you won the gold for this poem, believe me it is well deserved! The imagery and intensity in this poem is amazing. If I had to pick favorite lines aside from the whole poem they would have to be...
My Eyelids Clipped And Thrown Away
So I Can Bear Witness And Endure
All The Sins I've Never Confessed
Such imagery and so intense The fact of being forced to witness your sins, such torment. I love this poem!
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Congrats on Gold, well deserved. This write has awesome phrasing and such a creative and intriguing outlook. Thanks for sharing.
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great
This was a very good. A lot of intense images that I think really worked well together. I usually don't like very dark poetry but this definately stuck out to me.
Clancy -
To say that I liked it is a major understatement. There was something profound about:
My Eyelids Clipped And Thrown Away
So I Can Bear Witness And Endure
The sheer and utter horror of one, actually having to face inner demons..
I love it.
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Wow I must say this has some grandstand imagery and the words flow with ease a very interesting write with a dark twist all around a well written poem I find here
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I really, really like the imagery that you have used inside this poem Also your metaphors are great and refreshing
I didn't really like the lack of punctuation and the capitalization of every other word though, but that's probably just a personal issue
You've done a great job with this and congratulations with the gold trophy!
Leander -
I realise I've already commented, but that comment was rather vague. This poem has good vocab, great vocab, and it would make a fine representation of hell. Brilliant work
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wow, this is very powerful.
"Leaving My Tongue Calloused And Blistered
Choking On What Little Truth Thats Left
Flesh Begins To Fester
The Acrid Smell Is Infused With Sweat
My Eyelids Clipped And Thrown Away
So I Can Bear Witness And Endure "
just wow. shiver. good write
thank you very much for your entry -
.......................... sweeeeet...
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Fucking awesome poem. I loved the words you used in it, it added to the imagery. Excellent!!! Good luck in the contest.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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Is it hard for you to type all in title case? Just a question. Or do you put in in Micro-Word and do it that way?
Sorry, weird mood
"Formulating Lies Mixed With The Sands Of Time " Amazing line. I found that this piece overall started slightly weak and then grew stronger. From a poet's view, I'd rather it stay consistently strong however it still works. Great job and good luck in the contest
Bandaid.
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yes... the anguish
just seethes from this piece!
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Yes!
Once again you whisper a bit of genius through cracked coffin doors. I enjoy these darker writes. It has an occult air about. Excellent job bro. Good luck in the contest.
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