Who will keep me on my toes,
Admire me for my mind?
Listen to me with content,
Be with me all the time?
Who will giggle at my jokes,
My silly quirks and playful charms?
Chuckle at my clumsy falls,
And hold me tightly in their arms?
Who will be the one I call,
When things don't go my way?
The one I ask for sound advice,
Who answers night or day?
Who will love me for myself,
Even when I'm not a fan?
Never want to change a thing,
Forever love me as I am?
Who will come when I'm in need,
Run through hail, rain or snow?
Pick me up and make me smile,
Who will be there when you go?
© copyrighted property of T.J.S
Author notes
Shadedgrey- the point behind this piece is that it's a completely unrealistic set of expectations for someone to live up to, nobody is that "perfect", and to expect them to be is selfsh and would drive away any person close to you.
A contest entry
- Life is an illusion. by Anna Emkah.
500 points, ended March 2, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bang Bang, my baby shot me down... by Sick Sunshine.
400 points, ended November 10, 2008, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No More Heroes by BrokenWings...Fly.
700 points, ended January 14, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
-
this is a very powerful write... these are questions that often passes through everyones mind... and your choice of words command attention..everything flowed so well.
thank you for entering. -
Very good
I really liked this one because it reminded me of something I might write. Thanks for entering you did a great job. Good luck.
Night Mistress 1
-
"Who will be there when you go?"
"Who will giggle at my jokes,
My silly quirks and playful charms?
Chuckle at my clumsy falls,
And hold me tightly in their arms?"
>.< Thank you so much for entering this! I enjoyed every stanza ^.^
♥
-Rayne
-
The rhyme in this sounds so natural and unforced. It was a pleasure to read because of this, forced rhyme is never a good thing. Nicely done.
Thanks for entering. -
when 2 people love each other then all they want to do is be with that person...they seem them for who they are and not WHAT they are. they love them mind, body and soul. this is well written but i disagree on the title. i dont feel that these are deluded expectations at all.
-
-
Thanks for your comment its good to get some input. I think everyone secretly wishes for this kind of relationship but if you think from the other person in the poems perspective, they are constantly caring for someone (line 4 "Be with me all the time?") and it's one sided. Maybe worse is that if you allowed someone to care for you that way you'd become totally dependant and would probably end up hating yourself as well as your overbearing lover for letting it get to this point. Sorry for the rant lol, cynically yours SG x
-
-
PERFECT
enough said. -
Awesome! That's really the only comment I can think of...sorry?
-
even though it is selfish, a lot of people really wish for it. this is really good, the rhythm was amazing, and the rhyme really flowed with the words. it was very good, and i loved it.
Who will love me for myself,
Even when I'm not a fan?
Never want to change a thing,
Forever love me as I am?
this is my favorite stanza, because i think this is the thing that a lot of people worry about the most, getting someone to love them for who they are, not for who they want them to be. i know that i have wished this many times. again, very good job!
-
Sometimes we expect too much of others and then sometimes we find that special person ... it is too sad to see them go. thank you for the entry. Nice rhyme and good flow.
-
I like how you expressed the idea of how some people expect too much out of their significant other and essentially take that person for granted. With the ending line as "Who will be there when you go?", it makes me think of the failings of a marriage or of a relationship nearing divorce. The other person isn't everything that one expected so that leaves that person feeling like trading up to someone who will be perfectly attentive. Great job!
-
aww i love this. i wish i could find someone who could do all of this, mainly just accept the fact that im not perfect. great poem. i absolutly loved it. thankyou so much for entering my contest and good luck!
-
i like the idea behind this one. i am very much a person that makes unreasonable demands on most people. its a terrible habit to have... thank you very much for entering my contest.
-
Congradulations.
Your poem has been chosen as a preliminary finalist and will recieve applause from me before I decide on the winners. Each poem also gets an additional comment that illustrates why it was chosen as a preliminary finalist.
At first I thought that this poem was just your crappy typical love-struck teen poem in which the writer lists a bunch of qualities that they see in their ideal mate. The last line, however, threw that. After that it seemed like a typical love-struck teen poem written to a significant other or a best friend. The stanza structure and meter was exactly like such poems littering the net and I almost passed this one over until I read the authors notes and saw that this was done intentionally and that it is a piece made to portray this immature view of love in it's natural element. This was well done by you in that you were able to not only portray the immature point of view but were also able to exactly imitate the style of writing that is typical of so many sincere poems written by those with this mindset.
-
interesting.
Me thinks you've lost some faith in the human race. At any rate, the meter in this piece is very good and it illustrates a complete thought without using too may words. Thankyou for entering and good luck in my contest. -
I love this, especially here:
Who will giggle at my jokes,
My silly quirks and playful charms?
Chuckle at my clumsy falls,
And hold me tightly in their arms?
-
Very good poem! Brilliant!
-
Really good piece. I really liked it. I think that most people expect their other to do this for them all of the time or supposed to and like you said nobodys perfect. Great job and good luck.
-
Dam, I can't think of any way to answer these in my general contest
But none the less, its a very good write. Lovely questions and thouughts and flow and everything
Thank you for entering,
Noir xx
-
thanks
Thankyou for entering this contest and best of luck in the comp
-
It's funny, but like others I had some problems with the title in connection with the poem too. I thought it was just wrong! Therefore I read the comments already given on your poem and I read what you meant with that title... "nobody is perfect, therefore although he/she looks perfect it is a (perfect) delusion.
But... when I read your poem you are not giving this "answer", you are asking all kinds of "questions" and the final question is "who will be there when you go?" In other words, you are telling us that you are completely content with your partner and you wonder if there will ever be another person like him/her to replace your partner then. The title for this poem could be: "The perfect substitute?" or "Nobody is perfect". Do you see my point?
I love the poem. Nice words and the rhyme and flow is wonderful too. Very well done.
Anna.
-
The flow was beautiful and it rhymed but didn't sound forced. Nice job, Nice imagery, Nice write. Thanks for entering.
-
Love the imagery and the words flow with ease very touching and yes I believe this is straight from the heart best of luck in the contest
-
I really liked this poem. The use of rhyming sometimes worked, yet at other times I don't think it went as well. For example, when you rhymed fan with am, that was a bit confusing, expecially since I wasn't sure of what you weren't a fan of. I love the way of describing the person who is always there for you, either a friend, lover or family member. I could deffinitly relate to that. I think the title is fiting, although not the best, since the person is always there for you, even if you are afraid of losing them. Hope these critisms are constructive and helpful. Overall I like the poem!
-
very touching and emotional wanting to feel the love that you desire after the one you love has left , we all go through this from time to time wanting to feel loved and held in someones arms , to be noticed by them and feel the sensation all the time , thanks for sharing this with me
-
leanders right, alot of people will be able to relate to this and its a really nice poem its definatly something ive asked myself before
-
I'm pretty sure that you have written something that a lot of people will be able to relate to in fact.
You have a great rhythm captured inside the lines here, steady and smooth actually! Also your rhyming is very well done (and I'm not really a huge rhyme fan
)
great job!
Leander -
Something we all wonder, I think. This is expressed wonderfully. A flawless flow, written with honesty and much feeling. My favorite stanza ia the last one.
Excellent.
Adding your comment:
1 - 28 of 28
