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PTSD Nightmares

nightmares they have me up all night
sometimes i can't sleep without the light
can't sleep i don't feel safe not anymore
not after what happened to him when he went to war
my first fiance he didn't make it back
he didn't come back from Iraq
he got captured i didn't want to believe
i didn't understand until i saw his grave, i felt so naive
he friends couldn't blame me, they know my story
with all it memories of pain and glory
they dont blame me i have more pain
than happiness left in my brain

not after what happened to me when i was fifteen, sixteen, and seven
not after what happened to me when i was twelve, and eleven
you know what its called when you can't escape?
you know what its called when you are forced? rape
i relive the memories i don't want to remember anymore
i wake up my neighboors so i don't sleep much anymore
i can't work some days the memories are too fresh
i sometimes can't stand when someone touches my flesh
sometimes i push my own friends away
i feel bad especially when im scared and i hit them, they comes back anyway
i don't even know why they stay with me, i don't deserve anyone this good
at least i know they dont my nightmares misunderstood
they know that if they want me they have to work for my trust each and everyday
for the rest of my life but still they stay each and everyday anyway

they dont misunderstand, they have their own nightmare
they all too well understand their own despair
so when i have one of mine they are standing right there
to be my hero's once more fighting my despair
and when they have theres and they still think they are still at war in iraq
im right there to woo and convince them they are back
back among people who care about them their family and friends
for our nightmares will be a constant reminder that hardships never end

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Symphony
    February 18

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    I've been in your shoes with the nightmares; for over a year I suffered recurring nightmares of some situations like that even though my own past is entirely different to yours, perhaps couldn't be more so -

    This was chilling to read, some parts of it were so heartbreaking yet said so matter of factly it was almost hard to accept

    "my first fiance he didn't make it back
    he didn't come back from Iraq
    he got captured i didn't want to believe
    i didn't understand until i saw his grave, i felt so naive"

    War ... What's it good for? Absolutely nothing. As the song goes.

    Excellent write - thank you for sharing it with us


  • skye01 gold member
    June 23, 2008

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    Very touching and telling how it is to endure trauma. Your words detail the pain your soul has endured amd continues to on a daily basis. It is hard for someone who has not been traumatized to understand the power of self that has been taken from you. It sets one on a journey of the soul to appease the pain.
    I find it helpful to imagine I'm releasing the negative through roots coming from my feet to the center of the earth so it can be transformed and recycled as Love. I may not always be able to let it all out but it helps to empower me and be the one in control. Also the universe does not like a void so I fill the places where I released the negative with the color gold because it is a very healing color. I don't have the nightmares but my trauma manifests as chronic pain and insomnia. It sounds as though you have a good group of friends for support during the rough times. May you be blessed


  • Pollycheck
    April 18, 2008

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    Thank you for entering my military contest. It is very obvious to the reader that this poem was written with very much emotion and that it came directly from the heart.


  • FallenAngel09
    October 3, 2007

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    Thank you for this entry into my contest, your talent and hard work are very much appreciated. I loved this touching poem, it had tears in my eyes and I nearly cried while reading it. Because it is such a touchy subject, I find myself reluctant to make a slight criticism, but I think you could very much improve it by this one suggestion. Make a better transition fromt the first stanza to the second and thereby don't confuse people by the 180 degree shift in the poem. Otherwise, a truly inspirtaional write. Great job and good luck.

    Your Host,
    Tiphanie


    • camo.egg.army.gurl
      October 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      i changed it up a little bit i was wondering what you thought of it now that ive added a little bit to it

1 - 5 of 5