A flying cylinder
Pierces skin
Spilling stomach acid
A crowd forms
Relatives wail
Worshiping the dead
A world is shattered
Spirits gather
Heaving in unison
A thread unraveled
White light
Explodes from death
A new birth
Void sensation
Fully aware being
A pull skywards
Awaiting judgment
And found wanting
A cosmic flicker
Expelled soul
Floats in darkness
Author notes
Boredom is the mindkiller.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
-
this puts the mind to word and once that is done, you are a great writer. the form of this is quite intriguing. it makes the flow lucid and lyrical even with the contents being a bit dark. you are a poet for sure.
-
"A new birth
Void sensation
Fully aware being"
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be thinking here. And then the end is so tragic. This is beautiful, and your economy with words contributes to its power. -
Wow...that was powerful, great write. I love your strong vivid words used, and your contridictions of life. ex. 'worshipping the dead' it makes the read snap to attention. Overall great write, keep it up!
-
this is
a great poem of death thanks for sharing -
I likee.
-
Made Me Think!
you have a great way with words and your writing style is unique! i really like your poem here! you have great description and the last stanza is my favorite!
NineTailedFox -
I like the way u put ur thoughts n2 words. its morbid but thought provoking and i appreciate the way it makes me feel
-
Ooh, I like this, descriptive, but still eaves a lot up to the mind. It's very poetic, awesome-ness! Gives you a certain feeling after you read it, the kind of feeling that comes from reading like this
-
great word choice, so descriptive. it paints an amazing picture and is penned so well, you need to work on the titles though, be creative like you are in the poe
-
A lot of images come to me while reading this. A travel of sorts from birth to death and beyond...where ever that beyond is. We each stand in our belief that where ever forever may be, is peaceful and tranquility fills us.
Thanks for sharing
Becky
PS. I'll marry you if you let me write all the time
Just kidding..
-
This is very thought provoking. I don't like the title though, doesn't really make me want to read it (although it did, strange!)
I like the imagery, but I'm not really 100% sure what's going on....
-
Poor guy, two rejections in one day
I like the way this is laid out, the poem moves forward steadily. Word choice is economical and concise. The poem says everything it needs to say and the imagery is vivid. Kudos!
-
spirits touch and reach into that afterlife where that bright light is still shining as one travels into the next realm!
You had me thinking within this my friend!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
-
This first thing that appealed to me about your poem was the concise and well laid out stanzas. This method of presentation allows the reader to digest contents and images in stages, there is no confusion here.
'Spirits gather
Heaving in unison'
This is wonderful imagery, for me it conjures the sounds of the sea as well as it's movements and connotations.
I liked how your poem appears both complex and precise. -
this is ver very good! way to go
-
I like. Following from the death to what comes after.
Poor bugger being rejected by the pearly gates. Personally if heaven ends up being some kind of exclusive club come birthday party run by God I'll just take the hall pass.
=> Jess
-
Excellent shit
This shit is good. Keep writing.
And please don't abuse the cat. Thank you and have a nice poetical day.
-
doesn't sound like a very wonderful death, and worse to be pulled into the light only to be rejected. Excellent writing, I did enjoy this...
-
Stark and real, that first stanza hooks you and pulls you right in. Isn't it ironic that at a funeral, you just CAN'T say, "He was a real jack~ass." Instead they say thing that EVERYBODY knows is a lie. Well, beats me. This poor slob got turned away from the pearly gates. I see your idea (if I understand it properly) of Hell is eternal banishment from the light. Intriguing!
-
-
That whole wailing and gnashing of teeth and hot fire thing...very played out.
-
-
wow this is really good i like it nice job
-
cool man...
ummmm.lemme guess funeral..?
-
-
Sort of.
I guess death, and then what happens after.
-
-
I've heard death put so many ways. This is a good one. It doesn't really take a side for me, it seems to just tell how it goes.
Adding your comment:
1 - 24 of 24
