HoldYourBreath&CountToTen
Let's not cause an even bigger scene
Darling; I've know all along that you were fake
I'm tired of living in this make believe love
Repetative Hang Overs & one Fucked Up Neverland
With all the promises you don't know how to keep
The neon lights are glowing for us, lets dance
in this dirty bar to the techno music
Chapped lips; bodies grinding together
You're dreaming of romance tonight
Baby, you're in for a nice surprise
[Fill In The Blank With Over-Used Love Letters]
I've gotten this so many times
you're glitter coated bloody mess
only screams insecurities
You're headed for a breakdown
As you fall asleep tonight with a shot gun in hand
Please ignore the needles of heroin seeping into your veins
You'll be out before twilight
The bruises will be there when the cops come
& shesaysIfinallyhadenough
The last thing you hear is a shattering shriek
down comes the mirrors [and the messed up girl inside them]
You've always said you wanna feel her scream
Nows your chance; as you both go down together
Dearest fuck face;; welcome to hell.
Author notes
XdollfaceX
A contest entry
- Dirty Pretty / Immense Imagery by LaurenLightning--x.
600 points, ended October 20, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round 1: Hit me With your Best Pre-write. by edit my world..
425 points, ended October 20, 2007, 64 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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wooooowwww.. that was fuckin amazing.. i loved it
such talent!!!
wowowowowowowowoowowowowowowowo
i'm excited for you u write so well pet
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Wow I absolutely love how you put it so simply, yet you had so much imagery.
You really put great feeling into this, it really sent me through a loop while reading it.
It was like SHA BANG.
You're dead..
yeah it was that type of poem.
amazing dearest..
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i loved the rawness the you portrayed in the poem. Every girl dreams of taking revenged on a guy that has hurt her and i just luff the way that you portrayed this hun.
Keep writing
-Danielle -
STUNNING AND POWERFUL PIECE HERE. THE DARKNESS IN THIS IS BREATHTAKING. A GRIM REALITY INDEED AND A GRIM ENDING FOR THE BOTH OF YOU. SUCH A POWERFUL PIECE OF WRITING, FULL OF ANGER AND BITTERNESS. WELL DONE.
ALL THE BEST
AND KEEP WRITING
WAYNE
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I love this!
It's friggin amazing
<3 -
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Awwww thank you darling <3
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Wow hunnie.
This is amazing, i know quite a few good poets
you're by far the BEST one i know.
You word things like i could never word things, lol. =)
It's just pretty much : Amazing, Wonderful, everything =)
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wowwww you're way too sweet. you have no idea how much that made me smile
thank you
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I'm not going to lie, I clicked on this because of the title. (I wrote a letter to a law teacher and that was how it began which struck me as funny when I saw this title)
This is a very deep piece of writing and very pretty, you speak beautifully in your writing. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your work.
~Katrina
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Oh wowie, sweetie. oh my god this was amazing. I'm completely in love with it. Eek, It's wonderful and I love love love it. I think this might be my favorite by you so far. This is just fxcking brilliant.
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All i can say is you rocked my blue toe socks with this!
I mean holy shit this was awesome!
And i wish i could pin point my favorite lines but its so hard in somethin like this!!!
thankies for entering! ^_^
++finalist++
TheSpork Princess
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This is yet another great peice by you. I like about everything I've read by you. Its all beautifully written and well crafted. Great job and good luck in the contest(s).
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The neon lights are glowing for us, lets dance
in this dirty bar to the techno music
Chapped lips; bodies grinding together
Extra points for techno music :]
This is awesome, I love it. Really.
Thank you so much for entering and good luck! -
oh my god!
i love this!
its reeeeeeeeeeally really good!
i love love love it!
its one of the best poems i've ever read
its absolutely amazing hun♥ -
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thank you darling♥
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