Close your eyes and just let me in.
Just you squirming with that grin.
So, let my mouth taste your skin.
Then show me everything within.
Close your eyes and just let go.
Feel the chills from your head to your toe.
Every inch of you I want to know.
From your top down to below.
Close your eyes and just make it known
How you feel with that moan.
With just you and me in the world alone
Let all that’s hidden become known.
Author notes
Written: May 5th, 2007
For Contest "Make me see again" Option 4
In a list
A contest entry
- love: the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket by risewiththesmoke.
300 points, ended February 1, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Anything Goes~ by Charley-.
425 points, ended April 12, 2008, 125 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Wanna Touch You All Over and Over and Over by Blooming Poet.
310 points, ended February 21, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - strong feelings by Violent Glass.
425 points, ended March 3, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me See Again by crystallynnbradford.
315 points, ended March 18, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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first off my one complaint (thought I'd get it out of the way) the red writing on a red background is a little difficult to read and kinda distracting. The rhyming scheme is good and works really well with the urgency and desire within your words. Overall a very good poem : )
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I usually don't like poems of this nature, but this one is an exception. For me, the rhyme works really well giving it a sense of urgent passion, desire. Just my opinion (and I'm no scholar, so please don't take offense), but I was thinking the flow might be better if you were to remove 'your' from the sixth line. I like it none-the-less.
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on fire
this poem was on fire it makes me think of how great sex is with my feonsay this would have to be one of the best poems i have ever read great job on the silver trophy keep writing you are very good at it i hope we can be friends and i hope to read more of your poems soon thanks for sharing -
very hot
i love it
the way you wrote it is magical
gorgeousgorgeous -
Good
sexy -
and try changing the last line to ''let all thats hidden become known''
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it is a really deep and passionate work of poetry, i would use a differnt color of text with that background because it did make it a little difficult to read, an i dont really think that last line flowed with the rest of the poem, other than that its some really good work, i could really feel what the poem described in a way, it appealed to the senses
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A passionate and sunsual write that is powerful but not overly graphic, I can see why this won a silver. Congratulations on that. I'm not entirely sure that "let all that's hidden turn to shown" fits in exactly, I didn't really understand that line. Maybe its just me. Up until that, I love. Overall, this is a great poem.
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nice write, congrads on the silver
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background a bit busy, nice imagery
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This is relly a deep voice of the lovers heart and touching the essence of the love through the beautiful poetry here...
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nice!!!
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OOH!!! I want to do all these things for you LOL! Just kidding. This was so steamy. I really enjoyed the imagery in this piece. Very well written and pleasant to read. thanks for sharing
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Sexy, sexy!
Am I allowed to say that? You are one of my favorites for sure I enjoy your terrific sense of rhyme and how easily your poetry flows. Give me more! Please!
With my best regards,
Jennifer
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wildly erotic but not pornographic...i could feel the poem move through me...fantastic. Keep writing. this piece was great. ~mandie~
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very nice piece....love the pic background
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this is really good
i liked it
memories are brought back when i read this
i really enjoyed the detail
good write -
Hello there and thanks for entering your poem was very good and very well written best of luck to you and thanks again for entering..
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perfectly sensual and erotic... oh I wish I could have someone with me to help me release all the pent up umm... emotion?
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Difficult scheming rhyme
A enjoyed someone else trying to work that. These poems a joy to read. Thank you
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beautiful senesual write. I really enjoyed this hort but very powerful poem. beautiful write and beautiful background.
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I love the feeling of passion in this piece, keep your feelings really strong throughout this whole poem, great job on that, but in the last line of your second stanza, you put bellow and it's supposed to be below... Just thought I would tell you because bellow is something completely different.
~Maria -
great poem tastful lust and wanted needs
thanks for a great entry
abe -
Awwwwwwww this is lovely. Very soft and sweet. More of a promise of pleaure then a real visual. But realy good. Thank you for sharing, and good luck.
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I do like the background, which does help incredibly when reading this. With the help of the background I can imagine what he will be doing and what she is feeling and I can still see her squirming on the sheets now as I type this. Ok so it was not quite what I was looking for but I am shocked at the response that you have triggered. Its like my brain got an electric shock and can see whats going on, and I can even feel her chills. The rhyming was also fab because it was not forced. It flows very nicely. Well done
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Rhyming - Brilliant. I am not a fan of rhyming but every now and then I get a piece that really wins me over. This is one of those
This had such a great sensuality to it and I really enjoyed that
She is a lucky women, this is what I want from my man, even more
Thank you and Good Luck
Cindy
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Good poem, expresses so clearly how you should let go of any inhibitions and give in to your sexual desires. Liked this poem. Julie.
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Thanks for the entry.
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Very sensual
Love the four ways rhymes, scansion isn't quite smooth (it would read better to me without the two "your"s in the second line of the second verse) but a good package overall.
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This poem was very sensual
you did a great job showing the emotions and imagery !
Great work
~Lisa~
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A very suggestive piece you have penned here.
Thankyou for sharing.
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