Let me lose all semblance
evaporate into clouds
billow through the skies
weep down...
Down into the oceans
Let me surf their tides.
Let me ride dolphin tails
attend concerts of whales
sunbathe on top of seas
rise on golden rays
travel with the wind for days
let me crystallize.
Let me sprinkle as
jeweled beads of dew
sink into soil; filter through.
Flow within aquifers
transpire with trees;
rest on their tender leaves.
Let me spill over Niagara for fun
greet the morning sun,
refract its spectrum
become an array of color.
Let me feel the tickle
of a water bug
cradle salamander eggs
creep up stems of lilies
be a drink for bumble bees.
Let me winter on mountains
melt with the springs
help deserts bloom
visit jungle, rain forest and beach.
Let minute or millennium
second or century
be the same to me.
Let me dissipate
let me condense
let me run with salmon
dance to thunder
rock with hurricanes
roll with waves
soar to the heavens
swim through seas
swirl with tornados
sail on the breeze.
Author notes
Since the human body is up to 70 percent water, I want to live eternally as part of the water cycle.
Written September 23rd, 2003
A contest entry
- Inspiration...... by Erotik Rose.
300 points, ended July 10, 2006, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Elements (Water, Fire, Earth, Air) by tabbykat10988.
600 points, ended February 27, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
-
even though i'm a fire sign i love the water! this poem is just beautiful! i love the way you formatted it! thank you for entering and good luck!
NineTailedFox -
so much better than evian
-
Well, I couldn't pass up the other link! (and thank God it isn't a mammoth epic, I'm exhausted! lol) Now the title bespeaks of melancholy emotions, let's see if the poem follows... no! A Mother Nature spiritual piece...! (me being a guy from the industrial city of Detroit I don't get that inkling much, perhaps for concrete...) well, so far you have taken me to Maui and the Rain Forest of Brazil... now at Niagara I stayed in a sleazy hotel, so that reference didn't do anything for me spiritually! Cradling salamandar eggs- you make it sound as if one hasn't lived life until... hmmm... maybe if they hatched in your hands... Ah! I know what this one needs- a reading! Yes, a recording- I see your long breaths that, when reading, one loses in a busy mind dealing with imagery, but in a recorded reading they would come to life... (I wouldn't go so far as to try Kevin's new video feature- (unless it was a comedy, in my case) by you might!) at least an audio reading- you might get new ideas from it if nothing else...
-
beautiful... and i love the form... great job and good luck in the contest
-tabbykat -
water. by far my favorite natural element. i love nature and anything to do with it so this poem was refreshing and peaceful to me.
-
This is a wonderful poem you have written. Thank you for entering and good luck.
-
Omg I totally love this
-
You always live up to your reputation for powerful imigery and I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and read it several times
You have a golden pen -
What.... this isn't morbid at all! It's lovely and inspiring and... damnit, it makes me all weepy. The last stanza was beautiful. Truly. This grasps the freedom of death, without the sadness of death and those who are left behind. I think this fits in great with the contest!
-
If there are misspellings, please let me know. I just pointed a couple out to someone who got irate with me for doing so.
-
Well, I think there were a couple of misspellings, but whatever. I really enjoyed this. The sheer feeling of benevolent power in being part of nature shines through here and alomst seems to provide a lesson for all of us: that no matter how powerful we are or how great we are in Life, there are an endless number of things that are greater, always were, and always will be. Great job!
-
I like how you included the rocking and the rollin' in the end.
Or maybe I'm just noticing subconsciouseffects. Either way, this was very varied, and the point of being something else, somewhere else, experiencing something new, enjoying a new sentiment, something that has no comparison, until you feel it yourself.
The line that made me feel that the most was 'a drink for bumblebees' ....this was just sweet. Beautiful variation and imagination.
Peace
Chris -
very vivid. an enjoyment to read. sounds like a very nice dream. one i wouldnt want to wake up from at least. very beautiful write.
-paige- -
I saw one of yours in featured earlier and came to read it
Danna...have you been hitting the delete button again ???
Anyway...can't believe I missed this one...the imagery in
this is superb...such a dreamy kind of write...almost like
a catalogue of wishes captured in poetic form...
Gorgeous...my fave was the last stanza....
~ sonia ~ X -
wow...this is very good! I love how visual it was, how you could picture yourself doing all the thinsg you described as you read it. The second stanza was y favorite, but the wholething was excellent, It had a rather whimsical timge to it, which added a nice angel. Anyway, there's really nothing more to say since everybody above me has said so much alreday. Great work!
Amanda
-
I loved the sense of movement, change and rebirth throughout. And all in contrast to the void my mind expected from your title. Beautiful images and contrasts - but especially liked the flow and imagery of -
Let me sprinkle as jeweled beads of dew
sink into soil; filter through.
Flow within aquifers
transpire with trees;
rest on their tender leaves.
-
First of all, I just adore your images in this, some very active visuals which keep this poem moving along very well. The rhyme-play is excellent in some very interesting ways... I adore these lines;
"billow through the skies
weep down...
Down into the oceans"
and also...
"Let me sprinkle as jeweled beads of dew
sink into soil; filter through. "
...both of those sections just "sound" fabulous !
Excellent work, I really enjoyed this one,
~ Wendy
-
I love the feeling in this. The overwhelming sense to just let go of it all. Become every aspect of nature. Beautifully done Danna.
-
a liquid flow..it ran through my brain like sand through fingers....and i wanted to dive into something wet and evolve into something that would be a large part of it.....Artis
-
oh wow danna, i never really stopped to think of everything that water does after it evaporates and rains down
this is so pretty and descriptive, i loved it, and i guess it WOULD be cool to be a part of the water cycle
(have you been watching the magic school bus lately danna )
thanks for directing me to this poem, as i haven't been reading much and didn't come across it myself
kayla* -
Beautiful
He, he, he - I am at the bottom of a sea of critiques... Its a hands on poem isn't it
Now to move past the funny and into the reality which is this is a magnificent piece of poetry you have fiddled for us my dear - You choice of words and metaphors are brilliant - You have put the moisture into the air, formed a cloud, fell like rain, and waved like the ocean all on one page ::Applauds:: I especially loved:
"Let me dissipate
let me condense
let me run with salmon
rock with hurricanes
roll with waves
soar to the heavens
swim through seas
swirl with tornados
sail on the breeze"
You are very talented! Please keep penning on, and sharing your beautiful mind with the rest of us.
Best of Luck to you my dear in both life and love
AuroraMoon
-
Awesome ride! Can I tag along?
This is an excellent piece. Such a creative idea. All from a simple drop of water, a drop with a dream.
CT -
I loved the irregular rhyming and assonance. It picked me up and dropped me and nudged me forward in a way perfectly suited to your images and rythmn. A wonderful poem.
-
well damn now that I have fallen to the bottom of the pile of comments...WOW!
You always have a way with writing, and the discription....hot damn girl claps whoo hoo
oooo and the crystalize thing...that gave me chills when reading it. I love how you took me everywhere in the world, and then some. I felt every type of weather condition, and every imaginable "feel" I truly enjoyed the read. Soo different, yet so abstractly in tune with everything in the world.
Keep it up hun, for I love your work..cant wait to own a book one day and say..hey she used to live next to me..whoo hoo!
Love you
Jenn -
Nice
-
only about 80% percent of my cemical make up knows what you are talking about... i am made of the life force of the earth and i have seen everywhere it has been... the inheritant knowledge of the universe is with in us all...
good stuff...
Doug -
OMG, you may have burned out my visual node- oh no, it is working now! And all I can say is wow! Well, maybe WOW!!!
This may be the means to true imortality. Our bodies are something like 70% water, so if that returns to the atmosphere when we die, then we will live on as part of the endless cycle, and be in so many different forms. It is mind boggling. -
Very visual and naturistic I really enjoyed the ambience of this poem. Kudos!
Lakota xx -
Water. Oh, water. Pretty. Yummy. Pure. Unless someone pisses in it...yeah.
Lol, anyway, I like this. It's one of those poems that didn't have so many subliminal, metaphorical analogies or super super deep meanings that could mean a lot things. This just, to me, tells me of how you want to be carefree and liberated from this life as a human and everything bad that comes with it, just for a day or two. To see the world in the form of something that's found nearly everywhere, which is the perfect thing to be if you wanna see the world lol. A pretty story spawned from imaginative thinking. I like to dream too. I love imagination. 'Tis pwetty.
yay!
eddie -
excellent
A day in the life of water. Excellent poem full of beauty and peace.
thank you for sharing
John -
very unique poem with beautiful images.
the first stanza made me feel a soft floating sensation.
the second stanza felt more like a rock concert.
the third was like watching an artist paint colors,
and the fourth felt bold and adventurous.
the fifth felt playful like a child, and
the sixth had a back to nature feel.
and the final stanza brought all the poetry together.
very nice, danna. -
wow, so magical... i love this... great job!!!!
-
rubbing eyes,,,, a bit dizzy now!!!
can you possible want to do that all?
heheheh
I love the first stanza of falling throught the winter breeze,
throught the ocean's floor and swimming with the dolphin....
but the last two stanza got me in a whirl wind....
I do so enjoy your nature writes...
are you a bit retless today?
LOL -
I think that the comment..A beautiful painting of words..is an excellent phrase for this write
You made me lose myself within the flow of nature..your wording is stunning..and I thank you for that "take me away" feel I was given whilst reading this...just beautiful!
much love & peace
~Pamela -
*Kicks self for not visiting in so long*
This reminded me of why I'm such a big fan of your poetry. There is so much vivid imagery in here, and so many beautiful thoughts and notions. I've never thought I'd want to be dew or refract the sun- but you sure do make them sound tempting here.
Wonderfully done, and thankyou for your comment on Alluren. -
Danna
Oh my, sweetie, this is incredibly beautiful !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for taking me on this amazing journey with you,MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, now I'm gonna be dreaming of floating on breezes all day
Many blessings,
Karen
's
-
You took me right along on this beautiful fantasy escape , a sweet way to start an ordinary day Thx
Reenie
-
might change sentience to semblance there by fixing one above objection. Beautiful poem.
-
amazing
A beautiful celebration of the wonderful mysteries of nature, this really flows, and such delicate images - tickled by a water bug, along with 'rock with hurricanes', 'run with the salmon' along with 'roll with the waves',the contrasts are as spectacular as the images they conjure. You've captured so perfectly the cycle of water, the amazing metamorphoses it undergoes yet is still H2O... don't know if those recovering from Isabel will look at it in the same light, but for me here in the arridity of Andalucia, it is refreshing and invigorating and lifts my heart. thank you
Edited on Sep 23, 5:05 because 'typo trouble again'. -
A beautiful painting of words, you're really amazing with describing your imaginations, excellent work.
-
Beautiful and very good
Amazing read totally beautiful imagery. I really like your work
-
For me… the first line is at odds with the rest… if you have lost sentience how would you know any of the story? Sorry if this rains on your parade but that’s water for you… you could always put it down to me being a wet blanket… drip… wet behind the ears… damp squib… he he, I’m sure there are more but can’t think of them of the top of my head… must have water on the brain – groan!
-
Beautiful images in this one Danna
Cresendo
From the heaven's to the bottom of the oceans waves
Like dl all of life's forces in this one
You get 10 stars for this one hun
Calming, soothing, serene and tranquil
I loved it hun
Luv you too
Susan~~~~~~
I just posted one too come see me won't ya
Edited on Sep 23, 3:46 because 'error~'. -
Lovely poem, beautiful images, and so real, as is natures connection to all living, I think upon death to evaporate into
the greatest life force, Earth, and be again connected to all. I have read your work and truely admire it, as you are one of my favorites./ 
*Di*
-
let me evaporate....wooowww ...
rock with hurricanes//
roll with waves //
soar to the heavens //
swim through the seas //
swirl with tornados //
float on the breeze. //...I just loved it...congratulationnn
-
Danna this is filled with wonderful imagery. Like a medatation...soothing read.
Red -
ooo.. I like this *grins* I really enjoyed reading this, just like all your other stuff. This poem is really interesting and I loved it.
-Carina-
Adding your comment:
1 - 47 of 47
