Birdcage
Rare hearts rotate in retrograde
Pure people perpetually mislaid
What is it to truly win
The hands that hold you outside,
come from within
They ration out freedom, federally reserved
When good men do nothing,
corruption will be gradually served
Fork sways the spoon,
so that there can be,
convenient, mandatory, micro-chipping,
coming soon!
Fascism disguised as globalism,
cloaked as a commune
Claims of free trade and sage
Birdcage,
rage, rage, rage
And there will be no thought of freedom
One would think otherwise to not assume doom
Our intent needs presence, solidify the phantom
The dead give us gifts
The experience to be able to resist
I got a feeling life can be easy,
This is just a ride
Its too bad we sit here frozen
Caged and terrified
Genocide a foundation for,
an America stage
Birdcage,
rage, rage, rage
A contest entry
- Calling all political poetry. (Any type) by nitefire.
300 points, ended April 23, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Speak out! by Luna Argintie.
930 points, ended September 9, 2008, 205 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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This is an excellent example of what I was looking for. These lines really grabbed me,
"The hands that hold you outside,
come from within
They ration out freedom, federally reserved"
"And there will be no thought of freedom
One would think otherwise to not assume doom
Our intent needs presence, solidify the phantom"
Thank you for your entry!~Leah -
An absolutely amazing write. The first time I read it, I was completely stricken, mainly by the severity of the issues you are dealing with here and the beautiful way in which you've written about them, but also the astounding imagery which has such an unbelievable effect and puts a heart-racing impact on the topics you are addressing.
"The dead give us gifts
The experience, to be able to resist" so very true.
"Birdcage,
rage, rage, rage" such a powerful ending and a very effective and fitting use of rhyme.
I also very much like the birdcage theme; it suits very well and serves as nice imagery with a serious message.
A great write, well done!
God bless,
ELW
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in these times one wonders if people can actually get along without trying to kill each other.
this world needs peace within its peoples all over the world
You have me thinking with this my friend!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
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lovely
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Lovely form. Unreadable until I turned off the background, though. I almost skipped it for that reason.
Formwise, this is nice and pleasant looking.
Contentwise, it reads as a bunch of random phrases; some make sense, others do not. Most of the lines are incomplete and therefore just left me hanging. Perhaps it is the lack of punctuation. I would really not has seen this as political had you not mentioned it.
Overall, less than fulfilling. Too abstract. -
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it's too bad you can't get over yourself and actually look at what poetry says instead being so sure of yourself in what you think poetry should be
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I did try to send a response to this personally, but I am still blocked from you.
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and as long as you have this type of attitude I will continue blocking you.
you may call this honest critique.
but not everyone wants a slap in the face because you don't agree with their type of writing -
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Be a real man and take this private. There is no need to dirty up someone's poem.
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"And there will be no thought of freedom
One would think otherwise to not assume doom
Our intent needs presence, solidify the phantom"
that part made me laugh...for some beautiful reason...the flow was perfect by the way...the way some lines shifted into others was cool..almost like they were placed merely to take you somewhere and leave you...maybe...thats only how it worked for me...buuut uuh...yea...this was...is!
a good one
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i love the picture and the poem! like all of your writes i am genuinely impressed. my favorite line for poetic sake, "rare hearts rotate in retrograde," rolls off the tounge
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very well written
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Very, very true. And well written.. I enjoyed it.
Thank you mucho.
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Wow
I love this. I like the use of metaphor, and repetion. I like the imagery and the word choice. The rhyme doesn't seem forced. The subject matter is something near and dear to me as well. There are only a few errors in punctuation and grammar, but since it's a poem they don't really matter. Thank you for sharing your work and keept it up
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love the metaphors
Claims of free trade and sage
Birdcage,
rage, rage, rage
And there will be no thought of freedom
great write
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I can't believe I let this one go so long without reading it.
"Birdcage
Rare hearts rotate in retrograde
Pure people perpetually mislaid"
Pure genius!
Do I really have to say anything? You know I love this if you know me. It is a shame when good people are tricked into following evil. And scary when it is so close to home.
"Fascism disguised as globalism,
cloaked as a commune"
I really don't understand how poets can say they don't get this poem. I don't think this is obscure beyond easy interpretation.
I guess I may be biased, I've removed my blinders too.
I won't be no fucking bird, you can count on that!
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"And scary when it is so close to home. " So close to home, its our house!! Thanks for the comment!
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Indeed.
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a poem for the times
Loved it, brilliant. One wonders will unity open the door? -
Well... while I think that the point you are vaguely getting across is somewhat bogus about America... I will say that this is a very fine written poem and that little design at the top is just beautiful how did you do that?
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Classic
This is just classic. The font and background are beautiful. Nice write all the way through.
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omg! amazing subject and well done! you did a great job with this!
<3 it all!
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holy heck girl!!! No joke- this is awesome!
i sometimes feel like this, no wait..ALL THE TIME i feel like this!
Your writes fascinate and intrigue me, leaving me with a bad taste in my mouth, in a good way! leavin me wantin more!
Keep up the great writes hun! Ur my hero!
Stay safe and wise and well done again!
♥ Dani
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Very thought provoking and so true on many levels, within ourselves, within our own communities, and worldwide. "The dead give us gifts," I instantly perceived as looking back on history and learning from it, which we should be doing! People often state how bad things are getting, how much worse they are than they used to be, but I'm not so sure about that, just seems that history repeats itself in different areas, in different forms, and there is always something happening that should not be happening.
Enough said on my part. Thank you for sharing and good job on this. Great pic, too, by the way.
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Fledged
I love the introspect. The message is in mind and the poem crafted to your thoughts.
Kudos to you,
Kj
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scary thoughts, good message good stuff
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amazing..... i loved it all, message verry clearly put..love it
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Personally I would prefer left-aligned and possibly a shorter piece -- parts of the repetition could've been cut & the poem would still make perfect sense, I think. A few line breaks to partition it into a few stanzas might work just as fine.
I do love your careful precision when it comes to alliteration. You've got some seriously powerful images as well.
You might want to keep the start-of-line capitalisation constant throughout your poem, so it's not as distracting.
I'm not all that keen on end-rhyme myself, but you've done it quite beautifully -- subtly and smoothly.
I love the beginning lines --
"Rare hearts rotate in retrograde
Pure people perpetually mislaid"
Your words have been chosen perfectly.
DancingRed.
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Very unique.
My first impression is of total darkness in the world order. Emotionally I feel as if this is a warning for the people to unite against the evils of corruption. This is not hard to read and therefore not awkward. In my opinion it shouldn't be changed. The title works well with this and the first line is the same and so compliments the title. The last line sums up the feelings of the author very well. My favorite part is "when good men do nothing corruption will gradually be served" All of this is well written. -
The world we live in is indeed a cage of sorts...unless we conform we are confined, either by speech or deed. This poem holds a message to all. Armageddon perhaps, or manmade...either way not the Utopia most hope for. Bravo
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I loved the repetition and the scheme. I lived the words and how they were sown together. shine
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Awesome need to hear this spoken or shouted aloud, the repetition is creative and assists the style. Great message, some brilliant lines, my favorite being "The hands that hold you outside, come from within ". Bravo.
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Do you know, I just could not connect with this. Too profound for me, I guess. Sorry for being negative.
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now worries, its not negative, its just a shame.
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Cool stuff!
Well done! Thought provoking, but I believe it's 'chipping'. Please keep writing and always go back to it, you'll just get better and better!
USpace
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This really is a great poem, I liked it all but these lines stand out and ring true to my political opinions
'When good men do nothing,
corruption will be gradually served'
Great write, really!
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Very interesting... couldn't tell if you were being political, rational or both.
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hopefully both Thanks for the comment!
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I got a feeling life can be easy,
This is just a ride
Its to bad we sit here frozen
Caged and terrified
That's the most profound stanza, in a thought-provking piece that I can tell you put alot of work into.
Intelligent,
jin
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I love it
The opening line being a symbol of flimsy encapturement touches the reader immediately. The thought of what true victory is get the reader's mind churning. The line of 'the dead give us gifts' makes one wonder if they, themselves have not paid due attention to their surroundings.
Oh, and in the second to last line, it should be 'too'.
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Great write!
You express so many thoughts I share..
The dead give us gifts
The experience, to be able to resist
I got a feeling life can be easy,
This is just a ride
Its to bad we sit here frozen
Caged and terrified
Excellent write!
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