On a cold Halloween
Just a few years ago
I was trick or treating dressed up as a ghost from head to toe
I stopped at a house thats lights were out
Knocking on the door I waited
Nobody answering is what I hated
So I went and peeked in the window
What I saw made me wet my clothes
For in a chair lay a skeleton made of bones
I let out a shriek
As it's head turned toward me
I ran until my house I could see
Nobody did believe me
But to this day
I still will not go that way
A contest entry
- 15 and Under ONLY ~ Win A Gold Membership in our Halloween Contest! by Amunet Wolfbane.
6000 points, ended November 14, 2007, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me more, tell me more!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Oh I think I might have ran pretty fast to get home too if that happened to me
I can just imagine what it must have felt like to have a skeleton turn to look at you like that
This was very cute and nicely done. Thank you for entering and the best of luck in the contest!
Blessings
Bel
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I'm just wondering now if this has really happened Probably not, but you might never know at this time of year 
Anyway, I pretty much like this poem. I would change the lay-out a tiny bit here and there:
On a cold Halloween,
Just a few years ago -
I was trick or treating,
dressed up as a ghost
from head to toe.
I stopped at a house
that's lights were out.
Knocking on the door I waited.
Nobody answering is what I hated.
So I went and peeked in the window,
what I saw made me wet my clothes;
for in a chair lay a skeleton made of bones
I let out a shriek,
as it's head turned toward me.
I ran until my house I could see
Nobody did believe me,
but to this day
I still will not go that way.
Also found a little oopsie: 'torward' should be 'toward' (I've put it in bold
)
Anyway, as you will notice I have added quite some punctuation here. It's better to read it that way, especially when English isn't your maternal language (like in my case) but off course, punctuation is stil a matter of taste and there's also poetic liscence huh 
Rhyme felt a bit forced here and there, but that's not really a big deal.
I think you've done quite a great job to be honest
Thank you for entering this contest,
Leander -
Cute tale here. I enjoyed this, the rhyme did seem a little bit forced throughout. But I can appreciate that it flowed nicely and really gave me a chuckle. Halloween is a fun time to be sure. You did well here. Happy Halloween and good luck.
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This was good
I think I would have wet my pants to . One time I made this horrible halloween monster to stand in front of the door when I opened it and after halloween I just stood it up in the back bedroom .Well the next day I was cleaning house and I had forgotten putting it there . The thing looked like that guy holding the chainsaw on the chainsaw masacre and I opened the door to run in there for something and near had a heart attack . So I told myself right then never would I ever do that again .
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wow very nice The ending was awesome...
Looooooved it! Great job
Spoooooky...
~pandy~ -
lol.this is cute
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Excerpt and commentary critique
I liked how this was in first person viewage, BUT one of the stanzas due to the first line really threw the stamina off, however if corrected before the contest is over your reading audience would really get that bigger impact than first intended.
Excerpt:
I stopped at a house thats lights were out
Knocking on the door I waited
Nobody answering is what I hated
If you were to correct this like previously stated, the imagery would really go!
Possible correction:
I stopped at a house where the
lights were out and while knocking
on the door, waiting, nobody answered
which was what I hated
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