two pints and a cigarette
and i've vowed, again
never to walk into a room with a dead hooker
but here i am, again
in a room with a corpse
drunk, on something...but it's not wine
fuck man, it's not even close
her eyes are open
and they stare pitifully
at an empty nothing on the wall
only the alabaster of her skin seems sacrosanct
only the skin
two pints
and my thumbs have found their home against my eyes
but i still can't push out the color
of those pale pale thighs
...oh those thighs...
im swinging on the bloody chair hanging on the front porch
lost in thought, nose full of snow and honey
the cigarette dwindles to ash
the glass empties easily
her glass eyes stare
at an empty nothing on the wall
and i've promised myself, again,
this is the last time
i'll walk into a room with a dead hooker
Nyx...
A contest entry
- nothing, but a carnival ... (read the rules first) by A Prophet of 3.
4457 points, ended October 30, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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The title of the contest has inspired the poet to write out of the box.The title for the piece is effective and added the surprize of discovery within the write when it became clear that the snow was coke.
I am reading this to the music from the movie natural born killers,it is coincidentally fitting and incidental to a critique but as I was listening before clicked to this just felt like mentioning.One small suggestion to offer,within the last line ill/i'll.
Effective uses of both assonance and alliteration,the repetition worked within this,at first I was unsure but after reading it again out loud it has a naturalness.The write has imagery with clarity and emotion that is felt,the frisson that the character feels is evident.Particularly liked "only the alabaster of her skin is sacrosant" This thought provoking piece leaves the empty nothing of the dead,in life laid on back and looked at from top to toe and in death still being only the sum of the visual stimuli.Like the write,it's raw and dares to be different.
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the line that you like the most, was actually the first line that i thought of. funny how that works....
thanks for the correction on "ill" im lazy and sometimes forget to notice that apostrophy's should be in places...
thank you for the comment.
N
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damn woman ... let's have sex ...
honestly, this my kind of honesty ... not caring what another's depth of preception might be --- another's eyes falling on "their" truth about what poetry should be ... i write poetry, my poetry, and when reading another's poetry ... i am the only mind that f'ing matters ...
great write, thank you for entering this piece ... -
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you're generally one of the few people that ever really inspires me to write something. it's been so long since anything interesting came out.
as for having sex.....im completely down with that
N
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Wow!
This is going great so far. Well-written.
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