Light
that fire
Let it blaze,
Flames to
singe
the sky.
Don't
hold back,
Burn it down!
It's not too
late to try..
Old
lemonade stand
can serve as tinder,
Scattered ashes,
we'll leave
to remember..
Feel the heat,
Let it
consume
you..
Don't you
want to try?
I
need
that fire
to unfreeze
my toes,
my hands
icy blocks,
a frostbitten
nose.
Scared,
lost, left
all alone
and blinded
by the snow..
So,
burn it up,
and blaze
it down,
this frozen
girl is sunshine
bound!
Never coming
back to this
icicle town!
Please say
you want to try..
Book of matches,
for these memories,
and some smoldering
desires,
to
make
you weak
in the knees.
Bags are packed,
So if you please,
Say you'll come with
me..
Toss that match
over your shoulder,
Because my soul
could get no
colder,
And pile
that
wood..
let's
head for
the border.
And,
I'm
out of here,
Would you care
to drive?
Author notes
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray", etc
Where'd my matches go?
(TLF)The Lil Flowers
Jin
A contest entry
- Round 1: Hit me With your Best Pre-write. by edit my world..
425 points, ended October 20, 2007, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
So, Who's driving? lol
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Yes it is nice to be warm. last comment is funny one as I dont think she has ever experieced -50.lol. a nice thought process with this rhyme.
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i wish it would freeze in texas...nah..it just gets really cold lol. This is a very great write. It has lovely humor. i really lovedd this anyway!
Thankies for entering
++finalist++
TheSpork Princess
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I'm a good driver. Real good.
LIAM -
Brilliant!
Loved it! Such a creative way to tell a familiar story-loved the pace, the freedom you were racing towards..
this frozen
girl is sunshine
bound!
Never coming
back to this
icicle town!
I thought this piece was emotive, and colourful and clever.
xx
-
Like the game of concentration it takes time and study, to find two that match, some fire off too soon, and leave with apiece of ash, others burn too hard, and scar you, some never light at all, and some truly sizzle.
there really is no matchbook except in the pages of your soul, and in the depth of your eyes, study let your pupils observe, before they dilate, or flash with passions glow....Artis
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this is an intresting one... it dont make sense to me... but the rhymn is flawless i guess thats why i like it.... it also feels modern.. best of luck in the contest.. the title means letsgo lets leave and its clear your going somewhere in the last verse... ahh blah im rambling now (:
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this is a very good poem, the rhythm is perfect. i like it.
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Free Spirited Inspired
Well I am not going to be picky and try to find something wrong and get tired eyes because of double spacing ... what bloody crap !! It is a good spirited and inspiring write, which you also chsoe to experiment with to form the flickerng of the candle. I cannot understand how some of the comments came from poets or self professed poest anyway. If a port doesn't try something to give his/her work the best presentation of their thoughts then they are not sincere about it. I liked the whole production and compliment you instead of picking bits and pieces with meaningless comments.You did what you set out to do and some of the comments saw that but only the envious saw the 'mistakes and/or problems'
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NO NEED TO IMPROVE.
Lets burn that bridge when we get to it. lol. This is a flame on, forget all the bull shit kinda write that really makes ya feel good. Its like that old song...
[I don't worry bout a thing cause I know every thing won't be alright.] I like ... [so burn it up, and blaze it down,
this frozen girl is sunshine bound.] Like a clean slate, a new beginning. You just keep getting better and better. Every time I think, she can't top this, you go on to prove me wrong. This has so many layers. Optimism, hope,
..oh those sweet forget me nots, abandonment, resurrection. The style, outrageous. This is superb in so many ways Jin. I love the fuck it all, there are plenty of people who will love and appreciate me. The writer needs something from a relationship that she not getting. Knowing that she deserves it all and will get it.I see the flames behind you Jin, but ya don't turn around, you just walk away. BRAVO! DESERVES AN OVATION.
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This is how i feel someties but its an awesome poem
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I'll drive! Very nice. I like the opposites of the fire and ice.
Although I'm not really big on the center alignment and double spacing. It made it a little bit hard to read.
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well, you know what they say...always keep 'em guessing....i loved it and the imagery with which you wrote it. great job. thanks for featuring it
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wow, very nice!! It's great to have SOME secrets, it's definitely fun to leave people wondering, but I'ma just still take a random guess to what this means:
Someone hurt you, and you found the right things to make you happy. Something happened again that upset you, so you want to leave. You would like to know if there's someone here to guide you.
Is that right?
Hmm... well I loved this, how it is shaped and especially, the rhyme. I truly loved this. Very nice, I can feel the emotion, and I can see every letter in which you chose to type, and that's what makes your poem so special. Love it!
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What I really enjoyed about this poem was the use of "fire" and "ice". I have always adored that comparison/contrast. The jilted lines make the poem a wonder for the eye and the roll off the tongue and the ending rounds things off beautifully! I truly liked this poem. Hope they'll be able to drive. LOL
I wish you well in the challenge.
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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All the memories, good and bad, all the ones linked to the people who make you sad. All the touches that built the dreams, all the nights where you wanted to scream. A new beginning, a phoenix in the sun. Bright and brilliant you rise up free ready to fly, your beauty brighter, your eyes wiser and free to soar above all the ashes for ever more. I could hear the joy and sense of freedom, a sense of strength that surpasses reason. Well done.
Love, Tom B.
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Wow, what a fantastic poem you stuck in there!!
Think I'm gonna print that up, and stick it on my fridge, so I can read it everyday!
Thanks yet again, your comments always make me smile.
Jin
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This was very good..I loved the form. You did capture the rebirth of your soul...God luck in the contest.
Soulful Woman
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cool..very energetic flow to it. which is appropriate considerin the theme. i like how you used heat both destructively and constructively in this piece...to warm and revive life. and also to destroy old patterns and unwanted memories. nicely done.
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pretty good, the fires of the mind burn out of control...life leads you in a path ,near your hearts desires,go for it, thanks for entering good luck,MM
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