What do my words taste like?
Are they full of tact?
Perhaps crunchy and confusaling,
With meaning they are packed.
Mmmm.. a sweet aroma
Gliding through the air.
A hint of tang apparent,
Ack! Almonds you can’t bear!
Mayhaps they taste atrocious;
I hope you speak the truth.
A rush of flavor: lemon, lime?
Or salty and obtuse?
Please tell me, do they taste alright?
I made them just for you.
I’ll change the recipe this night,
And buy the ingredients too.
Author notes
I think the words speak for themselves. Do my words taste ok to you? Too much vinegar? Not enough salt?
Written September 22nd, 2003
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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tastefully done
the tongue can sting
as easily as angels sing
to undo the hurt caused by words
to immense lengths that are absurd
to cleanse, to rinse and to repeat
we say things that may offend and hurt
as unintentional as falling in the dirt
to undo the damage that has been done
to admit one's wrongs - I can for one
we say things that we mean as nicely as nice can be
we say things that have more meaning than the eye can see
you've manage to deal with conversation
and it's many flavours being many topics
many pains, many joys, many ill said words
many tasty words...it's all how you use your tongue
excellent. loved it. hourrah.
*poetic applause by snapping fingers*
(having written that, I think I sense another poem coming on...again another comment that inspires my poetry lol..happens all too frequently) -
Metaphors?
Well done flavor, works for me.
Spice?
Few new words on my vocabulary.
Overall?
Tasty. Very well done.
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Mmm...not enough flavour. Adjectives are okay if accompanied by more nouns. To achieve a sensory density for your poems, you have to eliminate weaker, "flavourless" lines and words that do not contribute as much to the idea, the musicality or the sensory appeal of the poem. E.G. "atrocious"-- a very easy adjective to grab onto. It's abstract and doesn't connote much. Also the use of inverted sentences e.g. "with meaning they are packed" when you're trying to be serious just doesn't work-- it makes the poem sound forced.
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wow great job I love the words you chose to describe , well....words, its as if i am tasting each and every one set upon a plate in front of me...good job
lots of love
Lindsay
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haha, add some pepper
-frustrated -
And now I return to the page that I turned
having savoured a taste of the feast.
in Lemon Chiffons, and sweet apple pies,
seasoned sharp with a bold hint of why's.
No recipe change is in need of by me,
for the words that were tasted were fine,
and the stew that you brew, will come as stews do,
to refine it's fine flavour with thyme.
~~whims
Edited on Sep 24, 7:12 p.m. because ''. -
I've read this three times. The first time it made no sense; all I could think was that you actually wanted to know what we, the readers, thought of your writing/words in general, but you don't usually have ideas that only have one level to them, so I was sitting here pondering this problem, and you know I'm slow on the uptake anyways, so I got no where.
The second time I thought, interesting, feels like fun (yes I mean feels, not sounds or looks), and I decided not to try to get confused again, lol. :s
Then today I came back to it and actually read what category it was under and when I saw "love" that just brought me right back down, if not below, my state of confusion. So when I read the poem for that third time I kept in mind that it was supposed to be in the category of "love" and it still made no sense UNTIL, that is, I got to the last few lines.
"Please tell me, do they taste alright?
I made them just for you.
I’ll change the recipe this night,
And buy the ingredients too."
Then it all came together.
Proud to say I'm not lost anymore, I really don't know how I got so confused by this anyways, but you know, whatever.
QUESTION: Who's 'you' now? I want to know who this mystery person is
In any case, your words... they taste like passion fruit, feel like rain, and sound like the ocean.
Remind me to explain later.
Salaam
~s§~
Edited on Sep 24, 2:48 p.m. because 'i have typing problems :S'. -
i can bounce to them... bob my head... and the word choice is
common and known but not used to the point if redundancy... but that is one of two step... one is not above the other... what do you have to say my good man... with you and your good stuff... i like to add pepper to all my foods...
Doug -
Well, sometimes for the reader a poet's words can sting so badly that it could "taste" like a bitter pill that leaves a horrible aftertaste. Or the work could bring back delectable memories, so then the reader will see the words as sweet, juicy, and delicious. Whichever way the reader decides to go, I say this is a wondrous confection which you have penned here my dear.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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