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The Opium Den

Ah, the bittersweet song of a dark bird
The richness of loam in all the senses
To taste is to feel, to feel is to taste
To hear is to see, to see, fin'ly hear
And smell, oh the scent! Succulently true

I've run a thousand times through pollen scent,
A million through the endless poppy sea
And all I know is the beautiful smell
The scent of a million fragrant petals
A wonderful sensation of smelling.

I've run a thousand times through beauty's door
A million through the cold blackness, a pit
And all I know is that I missed tendrils
The sight curling in the slight heated air
A dichotomy of evil and good

I've run a thousand times through sensation
A million through the floating, endless world
And all I know is I love the feeling
The touch of madness, sensuality
A sweet touch of passion and slight duress

I've run a thousand times through taste's pleasure
A million through the smoky, scratchy taste
And all I know is the whole abandon
The taste of truth and aphrodisia
A wonder to know, makes me taste again

I've run a thousand times through the hissing
A million through the hot and bright booming
And all I know is ruthless sounding
The sound of bliss, truth, infinite passion
A hated love so deep the hearing burns

When else has love been so intensly sweet?

Author notes

I'm thinking of using this for my class's entry for this week. It's completely a sensory poem about Opium... please critique it?

Please give a critical critique

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Comments


  • suup jordan
    September 10, 2007

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    enjoyed it.

    ilike the vocabulary in this piece. and the description. the fllowing was my favorite because i feel that it defined the main idea of the poem:

    I've run a thousand times through sensation
    A million through the floating, endless world
    And all I know is I love the feeling
    The touch of madness, sensuality
    A sweet touch of passion and slight duress

    plus, i can relate...so i know whatcha mean.

    this person must not: The final line suggests love, not drugs

    great job.

  • atty-poet
    September 10, 2007

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    By all means, workshop it, but I'm not getting it. Very abstract, trying to work the senses, but only the title suggests the opium. The final line suggests love, not drugs. "Succulently true" is awkward in sound and flow, maybe "succulent truth", but contrary to the allusion to smell in that line. Overall, I think it "tells" about the senses, instead of showing them. Interesting phrasing, but too abstract for me.