Sometimes it hurts
To close my door and drive away
To bid you adieu until our paths cross again
You smile
Corner of your mouth upturned
Like you can read my mind, expectant and sad
You knew me
Perhaps in a different time
With miles and years behind your young eyes
I leave
In a You-inspired daze
Tracing your name in 6 foot letters in my head
You return
Throw your bag in the back
Naively unaware that you embody perfection
We drive
You unfold and take shape
Defying the sun and mocking the night sky
The night ends
You pack up and wave bye
And I depart, unaware of anything...but you
Author notes
Hardy Har Har
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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I love this poem so much. That's amazing to me because I have an extremely cynical attitude toward love, and I generally hate love poems. You've managed to create one that I love - good job!
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theres alot of emotion in this .. it is a really god write ... when people write like this i just have to comment because i dont comment bad i only comment good ...
sometimes i feel the same way ... i loved it and im going to read the rest of your poems
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Hardy, har har?
Not sure about that but all in all, I think this was a good piece you wrote. I felt many different emotions, yours and the person your facinated by. The feelings definatly are prevalent and strong. It is well written and enjoyable. Having said that, share this with that someone special for which it was written. You just never know... keep writting, eventually if your feelings don't get heard, shared, or felt by the one it was intended for, well then, you will end writting about unrequited love, what you should have, could have and would have done and then.........LOL, this was good keep going, be the bunny...
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I like this poem, "The night ends you pack up and wave bye and I depart, unaware of anything ... but you".... I have this feeling all the time for someone... but.. shhh, because I shouldn't be feeling this way about this person.... lol.... But any way the poem is beautiful
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Nicely done! (Although I didn't undeerstand the Author's notes.) This is really quite good, something of an unrequited love and the end of all of it - except in the sould of the writer. Very, very, very well done!! Kudos!!! - ocerus
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I like the shape of this poem. And the phrase "You-inspired daze" is pretty excellent. This is tantalizingly vague, and I don't think it would hurt to give the reader something more concrete, but that's just me. Oh, love "6 foot letters in my head" as well. This all gets across the feelings of idolatry so well. Thank you for sharing. -Riley
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Sounds like the regrets of a one night stand. Interesting though. Happy trails
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I shouldn't cause you have tons of comments. but nicely done
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aww nicely done. a nice flow, and if this is only dribble what are the rest like? Im expecting belters haha
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very nice. keeps me interested and keeps a constant stream of images flowing. nicely done.
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This poem sucks
lol
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really nice
like the "you inspired daze"
and "onaware of anything but you"
did not like "years and miles behind your young eyes". does not make sense. young eyes with years in it....
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Love it. Cant help but love it. Its...inspiring.
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memories that touch within romance celebrated by time fondly remembered where love graceously hangs by a rose!
Yes you have me smiling from those memories of my own!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
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MELT-IN-YOUR-MOUTH YUM
The woman in this poem is one lucky chick! This is the stuff legends and love stories are made of. I'm almost jealous of the woman! WONDERFUL AND LUSCIOUS!
Ms. Morrow
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Upon first reading this, I just did not get it...
I am blonde
But I went back again and read it out loud- always helps me get it...
anyway, this is fantastic stuff...
it's simple yet elegant and not too wordy.
I leave
In a You-inspired daze
Tracing your name in 6 foot letters in my head
You return
Throw your bag in the back
Naively unaware that you embody perfection
We drive
You unfold and take shape
Defying the sun and mocking the night sky
These three stanzas were DA Bomb for me.
Becky
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I had to read it again...
I almost hate reading poetry like this. Some people never know their adored, and then there are those that are simply passed over. I have no clue which one I am... but it doesn't really matter. Love the poem. It's sticky-icky!
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Ah, six foot letters! Wow!
Very good.
Been kicking any cats lately? But one's poetry can hardly be related to what one really does or is in "real life," or what? Do you think? -
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I think you must have some sort of experience or inspiration relating to your subject matter to do anything decent
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But of course... you are right
So that leaves us still trying to distill the juice of experience without just making vinegar.
But I was just philosophising. I do think you "have IT." (talent).
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Damn man. what you doing? Do you publish in print
YOu beddah be tellin' me you publish in print man. Don't just be puttin' all yo' bes' stuff online.
Ever send anything to Poetry magazine out of Chicago? Or to... hmm... Blue Collar Review?
BCR published one of mine last winter.
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Intense. I wouldn't suggest changing a damn thing.
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