Cousins and the fat line of holidays
strung from one month to the next,
the marauders four, running races;
claiming the lives of unstable tables,
handicap chairs and the occasional heirloom
ballerina on grandmother's corner bookshelf
It was a messy array of saturated foods that
saturated the minds of many adults,
turning them to slugs of their own kind of making
Funny how kids seem to know,
the second that government has fallen within
and the president and vice president are
forced to resign from their posts as parents
Yep,
You know it's all over when one by one
they climb on my sumo-like uncle's buddha belly
while he snores in a chair
and take their turn to caw,
crown themselves a monarchy;
a miniature set of kings.
Author notes
This was a fun contest. : )
In a list
A contest entry
- where the wild things are by Cat.
900 points, ended September 8, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Did You Win a Trophy? by Nam.
1750 points, ended October 18, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Good piece about childhood memories. Congrats on the gold trophy.
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There were a few nudges here and there that bothered me but I feel those are of personal qualities that an individual looks in a work that really rests more on them than the work they're reading. So, I won't mention them.
However, I will mention that I didn't care for the "Yep", I felt that was unnecessary in the overall tone of the poem, and that it actually took away more than gave to the overall image.
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Excellent job; captures the theme/mood of the book in a great personalized fashion.
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Thanks. Um, but what do you mean about a book? What book are you talking about?
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woohoo congrats on the gold... and you say you can't write!
wanker.
i love your little pieces of your past. so cute!
though i am confused as to what the children were doing on your uncle. just climbing on? lol... whoever gets on the belly is the king? lol
i like the way you used the government as a metaphor to the parents. that was clever and cute. lol
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Wanker? You make me laugh! You know I just won on accident. They didn't mean to pick me. It was just a mistake you know.
And haven't you ever heard of the game of King of the Mountain? Well, my uncle's belly was huge and that was their mountain. My whole family is a little cooky though. lol -
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lol no i hadn't heard of it. sounds cute. lol
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a very fun take on the
prompt... creative and clever and a wonderful light hearted treatment... well written and adorable imagery...
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this is ginormously lovely. humorous, witty, and full of homey pathos.
loved it
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I really love this piece, if i had one niggle it would be to change:
"the second that government has fallen within"
to
"the second that government has fallen"
the within seems to muddy it up a bit, cleaner without it...
and that's it, this is really good poetry :)
al
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i just love this poem- it is rich in story telling and vibrant in nostalgia- the final stanza is just wonderful-
i would love to see you clean up the words them four and has fell / four of them/ and has fallen would make this a clear contender for me in this contest
m -
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Thanks for such a great comment! I have cleaned it up so it should read better now.
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This is just a wonderful tongue-in-cheek nostalgic panorama of all of the joined-together Christmas and other holiday get-togethers with family.
I loved the carnage of the 'claiming the lives of unstable tables' stanza, the childs-eye view of over-indulgent adults in the next, and the exuberance of the 'while the cat's asleep' stanza - the analogy of government and the president and vice-president resigning from their posts was delicious!
The 'king of the castle' image with the cawing children clambering over the buddha ( spelling heads-up! ) uncle was a hilarious picture to leave the reader with a broad grin, and the final line a perfect finishing touch.
Congrats on producing such a fine piece from the 'wild things' theme, and best of luck in the contest.
PJ
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Wow. I can't believe I got two great comments in a row on this. Thanks!
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