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The Last Mermaid

 

 

 

She breaks through the swell,

her stunning beauty

imprisons my eyes.

Like a slow motion movie;

she hovers over the ocean

then dives into the liquid sunset

making nothing more

than an orange-glow ripple

and a ruffle of snow surf.

If I were not a man,

we could slow swim

a lava lamp ballet,

to the whispered chanson

of the seas.

But I just sit on the shoreline

smelling salt air,

yearning her touch,

mind roaming thoughts

of her beautiful face

framed in chantilly curls,

as aquamarine dreams weaken

my monochrome life.

 

    And they hunt her down,

    won’t leave her in peace.

 

Swim

my goddess of the oceans,

swim fast

to some far-flung haven,

may the gods guide you,

only in my heart

will you be truly free.

I know you feel alone,

and my love

will never be enough;

but I can be

nothing more,

than I am.

 

 

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1 - 30 of 30

  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    September 21, 2008

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    Love this...

    Absolutely beautiful!!!
    Wonderful narrative, rhythm & flow...
    So serene, longing & heartfelt...
    Totally enthralling...
    Keep up the good work...
    Well done!!!


  • Robbwindow
    September 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Infectious lonelineness

    The Mermaid, like a fish lives a life of swimming around. Surrounded by a whole ocean with often a bottomless void. The life of a mermaid would by legend be classed as lonely buy humans, hence the mans infection of lonliness. However the loneliness is a man made trait, his attraction to a beauty he cannot have leaves him lonely. The mermaid represents a female heir of not becoming attached in this way, in this poem you capture this SarahJaneUk in a special way. I am glad I clicked upon this poem.


  • FindingFaith
    September 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful with a hint of sorrow. The end is true in this regard and was a perfect ending. I enjoyed this little fairytale world. Thanks for the read. God Bless...


  • Swtpoetryman
    September 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I know you feel alone,
    and my love
    will never be enough;
    but I can be
    nothing more,
    than I am.

    Which is merely a mortal man, indeed! Perhaps, just one magical kiss from this lovely mermaid - will seal this mans fate - and the two of them can swom away deep into the ocean blue - making many more mermaids - together! A fine piece SARA J! It's been too long since i've stopped by to see you and say HELLO and I'm SO GLAD that i saw this lovely piece featured to today fro otherwise I would have sadly missed it!
    Peace & Love!
    Earl.


  • VirginiaDarling
    September 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Sweet poem. I too like mermaids I think they are beautiful, it would be cool to see a real one, but I doubt they are real, though they had to come from somewhere for us to write stories about them. Ok I'll stop rambling on. This was a great write, I loved it.


  • Dragons Lady
    September 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very pretty with wonderful imagery. I love it.


  • Flames-of-Furey
    September 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    like a fairy tale vfery heartfelt and not sad but disapointing becasue they never get together. but if everyone got their own way every time then this world would not be realistic.
    an awsome write, i liked the way you described the mermaid.

  • Acidanthra
    September 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is very deep and heartfelt. Fantasies can be the savior to all of our pain sometimes. I like how this was written with a storyline, giving the reader a chance to follow the story and your feelings at the same time. Great work!!!


  • Slightly Toxic
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very Strong words..
    Reminds me somewhat of "The Unicorn Song", when I was little. I always thought it was so pretty, but so sad.
    Beautiful Poem..


  • Tarja
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    What a horrible... sad story!! I can't imagine poor little Ariel all alone! And just the thought of ONE LAST mermaid?? That breaks my heart! You've made me sad!


  • Angelo di Luce gold member
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    a real poet

    simply magic

    your poem is full of love and romandisism

    then again that I would expect from a fine Britt

    Very happy to of read you ,you have my full support

    carry on as you are.


  • Perdix
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A thoughtful write

    A person after my own heart, i love the ocean and every thing to do with it i have sailed many thousands of miles to distant shores but am still waiting to gimps her.

    a lovely image it is that you have painted

    thanks

    perdix


  • grannyeri gold member
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    east is east and west is west and never the twain shall meet - humans and mermaids just were not meant to be together except in movies - LOL Liked this poem, the flow, the brevity of the lines and the message you express so well here.

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    September 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Well written with vivid imagery and strong emotion,perhaps the comma after more in the penultimate line places a pause that is not needed?Perhaps monochromatic instead of monochrome?Not criticisms dear poetess but suggestions.The title is an apt intro.Grammar and alliteration used well.Particularly liked "we could slow swim a lava lamp ballet"


  • girlmissesboy
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Awwww

    I relly like this, it's really tender, almost heart rending! I feel really bad for the guy, and I hope it all turns out ok...


  • Karen Layne
    September 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Have you read "the Mermaid"by Yeats? It's pretty good

  • eternal-devotion
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Astounding

    My first impression is that this is very astounding. It is a beautiful piece and well done. Emotionally I feel that this is about a beautiful mermaid as she swims amongst the denisens of the deep blue sea Without the title to tell you that is what your words convey. This is awesomely done. There is absolutely no awkward parts in this and should not be changed. The title is perfect and the first line is just why this is so good. The last line sums this up fine. I loved this very much.


  • jacbgd2 gold member
    September 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful!!!!!!!!  So imagination filled and wonderfully expressed!!!!!!!! As always, a great write!!!!!!! Keep um coming!!!!!!!!!

  • Uriah Hamilton
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely

    It seems better to love from a romantic distance, and the self-realization of the impossibility of being everything you want to be for the beloved. Lovely poem,
    Uriah


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    September 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a beautiful piece you have penned here.
    I love the imagery and emotion throughout this.
    Well done and thanks a lot for sharing this here.
    Keep up the wonderful work!




    Jeremy0826


  • arafura gold member
    September 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    nothing more...

    A man be no more than what he is to any mermaid... or any lady! Such a wonderfully well written work! The imagery is startling!
    Excellent!


  • individuality gold member
    September 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a good poem, and great use of vocabulary but not too much put in to make people start rambling about too much like i get lol - a good sad mood i felt here.


  • Floorboards
    September 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Told ya, Jan!, some great comments here!


  • ereyes
    September 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    so wow

    it is like the little mermaid cartoon story, beautiful and a lovely poem of yours. i like " I know you feel alone, and my love will never be enough; I can be nothing more, than I am". Im impressed with that last paragraph. love is in the heart but the humbleness is also there because love . keep on creating good piece of artwork. have a nice day!


  • Little Blue Bird
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    so beautiful. I love the imagery and magic of this poem. It has a very lovely flow. Thank you for sharing it.


  • leo2
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm a bit gender confused but the message is one I as a man can relate to very well. Unrequited love is something I live with everyday of my life. Excellent work here my friend.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long


  • BeautifulFlame
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent !

    This is very creative and beatiful! I loved every word of it !
    It very sweet and leaves the reader wanting more words to hang on !

    If I were not a man,

    we could slow swim

    a lava lamp ballet,

    to the whispered chansons

    of the sea.



    But I just sit on the shoreline

    smelling salt air,

    yearning her touch,

    mind roaming thoughts

    of her beautiful face

    framed in chantilly curls,

    as aquamarine dreams weaken

    my monochrome life.





    Great Work here !
    ~Lisa~


  • cricketjeff gold member
    September 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    lyrically beautiful

    But I see no benefit in it being written in separate lines. It is a beautiful piece of prose.


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am in awe of this piece, it touched every inch of my heart, how you capture the true essence of love with such pristine imagery is beyond me.... amazing piece here, one for my bookmarks

    Karen


  • Floorboards
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Superb

    My god, Jan, this is excellent! the imagery is absolutely startling, and it's just so beautifully written, definitely one of your best to my mind, my friend.
    Very well done indeed,
    Alex, *snugglehuggles*,

1 - 30 of 30