Scantily clad and over-bearing
Built-in stress adhering
Dutifully dull and appealing
Waxing in glory so revealing
Instant gratification non-existing
Learning to be brave and ever risking
Tools of the trade not relate-able
Manifold solace not date-able
Awareness of facts are unstate-able
Going against the grain is understandable
Only time constraints are sustainable
Wishing you were two is quite laughable
Discerning what to do is unreliable
Where does it all end is a mystery
Made in heaven, friend, is the history
In discovering it's secret one gains the victory!
A contest entry
- One by Nam.
425 points, ended October 6, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I felt that the excessive repetition of "able" was a bit much. If the main focus of the rhyming was that alone, then, perhaps the merit would be less excessive but since you do have other word-rhymes, it seemed quite excessive, and for me, didn't seem to take the piece anywhere.
The message was quite clear, and in such regard written well but I felt the above was just too excessive, overall.
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Thank you for your feedback, I hadn't considered..
lol
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THERE IS NOYHING 'SCANTY' ABOUT YOU WRITING..YOU SURE SPEED US ALONG WITH YUR UMPH
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Peter, hahaha is umph a real word? winner takes all. lol thanks.
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the secret will come to us in the next life...a good poem with some killer rhyme-well done!
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Thanks Iggy, my amigo, smile...to the next life, then. lol
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ah life, it takes mad umph at times yes, but also good little twists that make one boogie on down sometimes a good piece of poetry.
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I will frame this review. smile lol Thanks
Ian
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