When we met that cold winter night,
the stars like diamonds shined so bright.
I met my shining silver knight,
he made my beating heart feel light.
He smiled and took my hand in his,
I never have felt just quite that bliss.
And for my hand he did insist.
My love for him has to resist.
My thoughts denie his gentleness,
even though he was a friendly guest.
In his land the woman are worthless,
sexist opinions he did stress.
But still for him my heart beats fast,
I know this love might soon be past,
but a burning desire will everlast,
for the boy who made my land aghast.
Author notes
1. Write from the queen's point of view expressing her varied feelings for the king.
The knight bit refers to a 'knight in shining armour' which in case readers don't know is who a woman refers to as her ideal man or a man who is heroic.
Judge:
Line 11: I'm not sure whether this might break your rules, if it does then do not hesitate to tell me and I will correct it.
Thanks for reading
Laura x
A contest entry
- All is Fair in Love and War by Emberess.
600 points, ended September 23, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Very good!
Denie is spelt deny
A couple of slight stumbles in the rhythm, bu tvery good, I am a big fan of triple and quadruple rhymes.
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Line eleven is fine, except worth less should be changed to worthless. The poem is beautiful, love line one and two, totally caught me and brought me into the poem.
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interesting...
My thoughts denie his gentleness,
even though he was a friendly guest.
i like this piece a lot, the flow is careful, thought out, like this woman's feelings are surely well calculated.
(denie--deny)
however, i think the last line is a little awkward. *shrugs* i get what your trying to say, but i think it could be ended a little smoother.
good entry!
--good luck
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