Take me with you
Take me to a lonely place,
An empty space devoid of time
Where callous notions bleak and stark
recline inside this somber heart
To scour me bare with strict aplomb
Then search for love where there is none
but pain which does with harsh repose
embrace and choke as no one knows,
but me.
Tied by thoughts I’d sit unchained,
My love would seek yet live unclaimed
leashed and quelled by caustic pain
to fall and burn like acid rain
and bite with every step I seize,
laments I’d hear upon the breeze
Which follows every where I hide
devouring deep my childhood pride
never ceasing in it’s cry
I run beneath a shallow sky
to where the howling can’t be heard
digging holes with words absurd
and there to lay my empty space
no caring shadow to embrace
Repent I will, atone, regret
Be very, very sorry yet
I won’t hurry to that place
For such a place there is to go
That is not the same as the one before
Where I can be to wait again
so love can fall like mordant rain
For something kind or even gentle
Warm, mellow perhaps sentimental
Soothing, placid, calm and tender
Power to heal a burning ember
Or cleanse my festered weeping wounds
Then take away this fear I bare
That you will never ever care
Nor will I love again
Without you I remain,
here
Terry Carroll
A contest entry
- What is Love? by Cyprien.
550 points, ended September 7, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Would you chance anything
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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The words in this piece really touched me deep in my soul. I know these feelings and have tried putting them together and have been somewhat successful.. But I must admit you said it all..It was if you were in my mind and writing my thoughts.
A wonderful, honest and raw write.
Soulful Woman
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talk about baring your soul...WOW..what a fantastic write..should have been trophy worthy in my opinion..but this one definitely is bookmarked for me..thanx so much for sharing...blessings..namaste..
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Many thanks
I really want to thank you for not only reading this but also for the time you took and the consideration you gave in your reply. As with all "writers", I'm flattered with each response I get and I'm so glad that you felt "Wow". I will certainly give your work my attention.
Regards
terry
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it seems to have flowed from you
the essence of poetry remains in the rhythm
what great words, too! brilliant language to emphasize your feelings
a great poem.
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Thank you too
Many thanks for your kind words which flatter me no end. It is a great feeling when someone takes the time to read ones work and then, take more time to let the writer know what their thoughts were. Many thanks again and I will repay your endevours.
TC
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The obvious pain of someone feeling deserted. A wanting inside that is expressed best by the last line. I can relate. The rhyme is very gothic and, I want to add, the background makes the words stand out graphically clear. Love the line, digging holes with words absurd
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Thank you
Thanks you so much for not only reading this but making an effort to tell me what you thought. I will ensure to read your work and at the same time share my thoughts. Many many thanks.
TC
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This is an amazing write, not only packed with pure emotion the rhyme and flow are nearly flawless. Best of luck in your writing and always. Keep penning and keep smiling.
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As I have said to others who commented. I am most grateful that you took the time to read this and of course your comments mean so much.
I will take the time to read your work and in that hope to share such values with other writers. Best regards
TC
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Wow. That's awesome. It expresses beautifully my own current situation.
And it is a beautiful poem.
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Thank you
I am sorry that this work reflects your situation which I hope improves soon. I do want to thank you for reading this and for taking the time to correspond, letting me know who you feel about it is priceless, thank you. I will take some time to read your work and share my thoughts with you.
Gratefull TC.
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Beautiful
This beautiful work of art has really had an effect on me. To me it describes my current situation and exactly the way I feel. There is no amount of words that can really describe to you how much i loved reading this. My Favorite part would have to be:
"Tied by thoughts I’d sit unchained,
My love would seek yet live unclaimed
leashed and quelled by caustic pain
to fall and burn like acid rain"
To me those words have quenched an insatiable longing for more intelligent,and meaningful poetry. I can only hope to,one day,Be able to write in a fashion as dark,sinister,yet very enlightening as yours. Thanking you for posting this masterpiece,
-Selithia
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Your flatter me
Thanks you Selithia for your kindness. I am truely flattered that you liked it and I have to thank you for not only reading this but for the time you took to let me know how it made you feel. I know life can be harsh at times but I also know that you will have moments of happiness that will drown those morbid times and once again you will be happy. Life is all ups and downs which is why writing about it is such a rewarding pastime. I often find myself day dreaming that even when life is at it's worst, it's all worth experiencing.
I will read you work and take some time to confide in you too.
Regards
Terry
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beautiful and painful sadness are very evident in this poem, you did a great job portraying this aspect. I enjoyed the imagery and the work that you put into this poem, great job!
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Thank you
I want to thank you for reading this and for letting me know what you thought. As with all writers I welcome your thoughts and can only tell you how grateful I am that you took the time to let me know how you felt. I am very grateful and will return the favour.
Best wishes
TC
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This is just the thing to wake up to (as I have done this damp, cool day) ... the first couple of stanzas are an absolute gift! The imagery is tangible and I can't quite settle on a favourite line.
"What is love?" You make us question and wonder in equal measure ... you give us glimpses of hell (maybe this is my interpretation ... it's early!!) or maybe it's what life is like without love ... either way you paint a picture with your words and leave the rest for the reader to decipher. I like that.
I hope you do well in the contest with this one ... you deserve to!
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HI Bethan
I am not sure if I ever replied to your comments and if I didn't it's merely because I didn't read them. I am always grateful when other writers comment on my work and I want to thank you so much for that, and for taking the time to write to me about how it made you feel.
I will return the favour and get back to you asap.
Best regards
Terry
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Wonderful your words are, dark and sad.
it appears if such pain, with such love deep yet one sided. I enjoyed reading this, and I will rread more. Thank for all the coments on my poetry.
I am happy that you can relate with so much of it.
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Thank you
Thank you so much for your comments. I need to go back and read more of your work so that I too can share the wonder of writing with you.
Thanks
Terry
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This poem was amazing! I felt such a dark feel. I adore dark poetry! Thank you and good luck!
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Thank you Cyprien
Thank you for your comments on this piece which I too love. I also love your photo because colours are really imaginative. I will take some time to read your work and of course share my thoughts with you. I hope to find your writing as vivid as your photo.
Best wishes
TC -
Many thanks for the opportunity
Thanks you for the opportunity to share this and enter your contest. I will have to read your work too so that we can discuss further projects.
Terry
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