What has she done, she cries in the moment, her tears are the void.
In an instant life was swept away, she holds out her hands toward the stars.
Forever, no more, this day will haunt eternal memory.
Life taken, life passed, nothing can replace the decay.
Silence now, then she walks through a garden that withers beneath her feet,
She is damned! She is tainted, to walk alone amongst her own demons.
For her inner self is now reflected out, she is complete no more.
Fall, die, she saw it all.
Why, now, she cries out!
Fear, disgust, a desecrated shell.
The world is slipping now, clouds are smoke and earth ash,
Rivers flow of poison, her mind wrapped in agony.
Manifest the sorrow, a thousand knife wounds.
Had been raped, had been beaten, blood stains her gown.
Hell bound to those who brought that day,
A path of revenge she must now take.
There is no solace, there is only shame.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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The world is slipping now, clouds are smoke and earth ash,
Rivers flow of poison, her mind wrapped in agony.
Manifest the sorrow, a thousand knife wounds
excellent piece. the imagery here is flawless. you take us into the mind of this tormented and very pained human being and you make us feel the weight of the shame and hurt that she carries, hmmm very splendid indeed!!
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Nice Work
The tone of the poem is somber, denoted form the anguish of the first phrase. The setting undoubtedly hell. Your choices in diction are excellent. Withers, tainted, damned, decay, demonds desecrated--all connotations wonderfully dark. Especially like the metaphor, "her tears are the void." I also like your use of white space (or in this case black), as it denotes your eye for detail and craft.
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Wow, you word choice and choice of pause is phenominal, it really flows from one part to the next.
Great poem.
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This is the kind of piece that you read and then stop, and think, and you can't do anything for a minute or two because the poem has sort of taken over your brain. The imagery is quite painfully breathtaking and dark, it's amazing.
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Omg this is so amazing, and awsome! you are such a great writer, all the imagery is just wonderful, and you can see an amazing picture in your head
then the words touch you as you read, your emotions are toyed with as you read this, it's all quite intriguing, but amazing job, it was a beauitful poem!
stephanie -
Wow
such an emotional poem-such anger and hate-revenge will only bring more hell though,and that makes it quite a chilling read.
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Awesome! I love this. It is very well-written and well thought out it seems. I do have one suggestion for you and you can take it or leave it.
Fear, disgust, a desecrated shell.
If you changed the word 'dececrated' to 'desolate' I think it would have a better ring to it.
Maybe you do or don't want to change it. It doesn't matter either way its still awesome this way too.
Great job on this. I really loved it.
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Very beautiful write... There is so much darkness from this and I love that. You did an excellent job, the flow was perfect and the word choice superb! BRAVO!
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Oh how much can I relate to this..... Veryy powerful indeed. I love reading your stuff on here Ryan, you are an incredible writer! This is truly an amazing piece.
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I asolutely adored this. your imagery was fucking amazing, and the feel of the piece was heart stopping. I loved the mixed apocalyptic/lost feelings, they were a great combination. you flowed so beautifully here, great job.
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This is an amazing poem. It flowed so nicely! There was a good sense of structure and you knew what you wanted to achieve with it. I liked the lines "The world is slipping now, clouds are smoke and earth ash,
Rivers flow of poison, her mind wrapped in agony.
Manifest the sorrow, a thousand knife wounds.
Had been raped, had been beaten, blood stains her gown." This poem really moved me.
-Swintha
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