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For the Sleeper

I have sat beside the river,
watched the endless, restless tide.
Fleeting figures coming, going,
play the game of seek and hide.

All the striving, never ending.
All the hopeless hopes and fears.
Running nowhere, ever faster.
Wasted lusts and wasted tears.

Prayers. For love, for wealth, for power.
Prayers to die and prayers to live.
I would tell them, were I able,
there is nothing I can give.

I must tarry 'til forever,
doomed to watch the useless dance.
Bored beyond their mortal knowing,
far beyond their mortal trance.

Who will come to end my torment?
There is no one here but I.
Cursed is he who'd live forever.
Damned is he who cannot die.

Author notes

Maldronah

Thanks to:
Sleeper, for 'Desire to be a God'
H.P.Lovecraft
Alan Watts
Marvin, the Paranoid Android

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 51 of 51

  • rrw gold member
    November 17
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    Interesting idea... told in a very beautiful and mournful way... the loss of hope. Endless life where the lack of life exists. Extremely intriguing concept... how "the dance" in and of itself is not enough reason to "dance." Fruitless to try because there is no "big" reward at the end. A wonderful pessimistic attitude throughout to the piece.


  • Seyloren
    September 11

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    Rhythmic

    A very smooth read in my opinion. Rhyming scheme was nice and the theme was extremely visible. You did a good job with this one. I particularly like the last two lines, they seem to wrap up the whole idea with a simple life point.

    Good Job


  • Desiree-Valdez
    August 25

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    Clever

    Ok, WOW! I read and related to all the desires one would have, then it took its interesting twist. Great flow. Nice Work!!!


  • shiratikva
    August 18

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    I enjoyed reading this poem.
    Loved the last stanza especially.
    Nice rhyming and rhythm.
    Thank you for entering, good luck!


  • enlightenedatheist
    July 3

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    wow very nice, I am a big nietzche fan and alot of his messages are in this piece best of luck in the contest i hope the best


  • isaacokumu gold member
    June 24

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    this was sure a great read, brilliant write dear poet, thanks for entering the contest, fav part was "
    "Who will come to end my torment?
    There is no one here but I.
    Cursed is he who'd live forever.
    Damned is he who cannot die"


  • venomoustoad
    May 21

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    I really enjoyed this poem and I can see that many others did as well. I write very often in rhyming verse myself and I'm always happy to see it done well. You are cetainly a finalist. If you would like to have this poem included in "The Book of Bafflement"(We would very much like to include it) Please submit it to the Reading List section at The Book of Bafflement Project Group site. This will insure your copywrite as it will appear on the page as well as in the credits(Babbliography) at the end Thank again and I will surely add you as a favorite


  • Poetess12
    April 23
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    The rhyme and flow of this poem is really good.

    "Prayers for love, for wealth, for power,
    prayers o die and prayers to live.
    I would tell them, were I able.
    there is nothing I can give."

    I enjoyed reading this poem.

    Thank you very much for your entry.


  • Danna Hobart
    January 8

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    I don't think that I could get tired of living, even if I lived forever, but what do I know? I have only one life to compare.

    Thank you for entering.


  • BarbedWireButterfly
    December 17, 2008

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    The poem caught my attention but the amount of contests it is entered in threw me off completely. Thank you for entering.


  • John McQuillan Jr.
    December 7, 2008

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    I enjoyed this thoroughly, so I won't pick at what I saw wrong, as those things were purely doctrinal beliefs on my behalf.

    You seem to have successfully found a balance between the darker outlook and a kindness of a sadder proportion. I think this poem shows that you have a heart for people and hope for life, if a little tainted.

    I think I would sum my feelings drawn from this up in a scripture quote:

    "Hope deferred makes the heart sick."


  • Dark Otter
    December 2, 2008
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    Good poem!

    I had it as near trophy material. I like its style and the delicate wording.


  • Jesann gold member
    October 25, 2008

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    Great!!!
    "All the striving never ending.
    All the hopeless hopes and fears.
    Running nowhere, ever faster.
    Wasted lusts and wasted tears."
    Wonderful written expression.


  • Pisces rainbow gold member
    October 24, 2008

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    I love the rhyme
    and I believe everyone can relate to this cycle,
    a bit dark and hopeless
    you have put it together very well
    it was a pleasure to read
    thank you for entry
    God bless you...



  • Shya
    October 19, 2008

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    Wow! Deep, dark, and thought-provoking. it's interesting to see the world from this perspective... pretty unique, really. Thanks for entering. Shya


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    September 27, 2008

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    I loved the rhythm of this poem, the 8/7 cadence pulled me along. The wording was interesting particularly:

    All the striving, never ending.
    All the hopeless hopes and fears.
    Running nowhere, ever faster.
    Wasted lusts and wasted tears.

    The punctuation is suspect but your are writing poetry not prose. I love your authors notes. Other than Lovecraft I don't understand the references but they must be important to you.

    I look forward to reading more of your work.

    Peace, Liz


  • KyleBerg gold member
    September 27, 2008
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    This is lovely
    I'm a sucker for any Hide And Seek reference, so this poem had me captured from that line in.. however it irritates me that the rhyme forced you to swap the words around (still good though)
    Moving on... this was a very powerful write, with great imagery and an honest message.
    Thank you for entering and good luck


  • SweetRoses
    September 26, 2008

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    This is a great write. I really enjoyed it. Thank you for entering it.

  • Judith Chandler
    September 23, 2008

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    Living forever? I am not sure if this is Biblical but I enjoyed this write so much, the flow and the choice of words. Excellent even if there is no apparent Biblical connection.

  • davidwright silver member
    September 23, 2008
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    A clever choice of word written very poetically. Good luck in the contest and happy trails


  • Symphony
    September 23, 2008

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    OHMYGOODNESS

    this is the first true MASTERPIECE that i have read in this contest; flowed like a river, leaving you wanting more more more, and yet you didn't put down anyone else's beliefs;

    this was just amazing! has to be a gold winner in this contest, simply has to be; unoffensive, and pleasing to read, even to someone with faith!

    bravo!


  • Gods Lil Warrior
    September 21, 2008
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    This is a great poem.

    Keep up the great writing.

    Thanks for entering my contest.


  • disari
    September 13, 2008

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    I liked it

    This is a very well written poem I liked it. It does what a poem should do and catch you from the first line to the last.


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    August 30, 2008

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    I love the style, it flows well and takes you on a journey. The theme we all tend to find at some point in our lives; the questioning. Very much enjoyed this


  • speakno3vil
    August 27, 2008
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    That cannot die which can eternal lye, and with stranger aeons even death may die. i liked it


  • DarknessOfSanity
    August 26, 2008

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    kudos

    this was good! i liked it! it flowed very nicely and was very entertaining. thanks so much for the entry! good luck!


  • Pandorea
    July 22, 2008
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    hah! i like this, especially the last few lines, i so agree. nice job.

    thanks for entering.

  • magneticblue
    July 21, 2008
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    Seriously, the coincidental references to works I've just finished in author's notes and poems throughout this contest is beginning to be scary. Great write. love the flow, rhythm, and overall quality of writing. An original philosophy, and well put. Kind of reminds me of ecclesiastes. Thank you for entering.


  • satan-
    July 11, 2008
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    your words are nice and strong, and your flow is very verry smooth. I like how you've transformed the concept of living forever into a torturous eternity, instead of the stereotypical haven most people want to believe in. Awesome poem, thanks for entering!


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    July 10, 2008

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    yaa..you are touching the untouched and bringing the universal..it is a piece coming from your universla soul..I agree ..thanks for sharing...


  • and234
    July 7, 2008
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    "Damned is he who cannot die."

    So deep, so emotional.

    Thanks and good luck!


  • ml12
    July 4, 2008

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    I really enjoyed the struggle in this poem. I like how you have used your words. Good luck in the contest


  • james119
    June 1, 2008

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    God as an impotent observer... as though N is somewhere between two positions. One is the view of a deist who sees God as the one who created the universe and sits watching, uninvolved as the clock ticks it's way to the last judgement. The other is that of an unfortunate observer, caught outside the confines of time and unable to either interfere or to escape his own hell.

    This poem is both interesting and challenging to the reader's faith. It is well presented, tight and imaginative.
    Thanks for entering.


  • aslanlight
    April 22, 2008

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    You have a wonderful lauguage style and this has an easy flow. The idea of not being able to die is quite horrible to me so I empathise, though the idea of living eternally is something quite different. If its God you're describing if I were him/her I could never get bored with the incredible universe and creatures in it but that's just me.

    Peace Georgia

  • strangerforeigner
    February 14, 2008
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    What an interesting picture of God you paint with this poem. Thanks for sharing.


  • Joe Bloggs
    February 3, 2008

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    Thank you for entering my DREARY poem contest. This is a very DREARY poem but at least it is grammatical, which is very nice so I shall shortlist it for a DREARY prize.


  • Aesthete
    January 28, 2008

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    I really enjoyed this. I like your sentiment and the structure was lovely. Great ideas and phrasing. Thank you!

  • Bad Bill
    January 28, 2008

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    Love your take on the nature of immortality and divinity. This is taking theological speculation into another realm. Excellent write!

    Bill


  • Great Cthulhu
    December 26, 2007

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    42?

    This is an excellent write, a scalpel to open the flesh of misery and despair. Well done, well done. Your rhythm and rhyming schemes are simple and nicely executed. I keep rereading the last stanza (my favorite) it really hammers the point of eternal isolation. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I thoroughly enjoyed it! Thank you for sharing!

  • karabi
    November 8, 2007

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    NONPAREIL

    Such intense outpourings I am yet to come across on this site. Not a word has been wasted nor can any be replaced. No reward is enough for this wonderful poem. It reminds me of the famous lines of Heine -
    'Sleep is sweet and death is better
    But best of it all is never to be born.'


  • Tony El Great silver member
    November 2, 2007

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    Great Stuff

    How really deep, I really enjoyed this poem; the flow the rhythm, the rhyme, and most of all what it said. You know the part that got me most was "Wasted lusts and wasted tears," how many people in this world spend at least half their time on this; I haven't been exactly innocent of it in my lifetime either, but it least I've grown a little wiser over time.


  • Melodies
    October 12, 2007

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    What fine rhyme and meter!

    Thoughts aplenty, overflowing with talent and so fine for the eye and inner soul. Your writing is a delight!


  • flowerfish78
    October 12, 2007

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    I love this poem. It gave me chills.I love the way it flows so smoothly when your reading it and makes you think at the same time.This is one of my new favorite poems.


  • HaleyMary
    October 3, 2007

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    Awesome write. I really liked the last stanza. It makes me think of how sometimes the only way people may be able to find happiness is if they learn to love and accept themselves. It also makes me think of how physically living forever in one body doesn't really sound all that great when one really thinks about it. Keep up the good work and thanks for the comment on "Nothing and Everything".


  • Random Thoughts
    September 23, 2007
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    A great spin on the poem used for inspiration, or rather an answer to it? Some great wording and imagery, very enjoyable read,
    Really well done anyway, and to offer the objective,
    Thanlks for your entry and best of luck to you in this contest,

    -Brenden


  • sanch011
    September 9, 2007

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    Immortality boring or a good thing? Hmm I think immortality would cheapen many things, why look at a sunrise if you know you’ll see the same one in a million years? why savor a kiss if you know it will never go away? No need for little babies, forget about goo goo’s. Imagine a never ending rose its bouquet would become a stench it’s death approaching clatter that makes a life worth while.

  • Westley
    September 8, 2007

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    This is an inspiration. I feel as though I was meant to stuble across this revealing poem.

    And I liked the cheeky twist on 'hide and seek'!


  • chills gold member
    September 7, 2007

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    I drew in a huge breath reading this. Just letting that breath out now. 'no one here but I'

    This left me quiet and still. You so eloquently describe the pointlessness of the human greediness in loveand lust followed, as it must be, 90 times in 100 by 'Not able to die, try as I might'..!


  • Sleeper
    September 7, 2007

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    wow, way better then my poem i could learn a thing or two from you but why should a life eternal be boring, if a god can be eternal, why not all of creation with it, an eternity to see, feel, taste and learn. listening to an instrument play and the emotion of just hearing it for the first time, even if it sounds terrible. the beauty in it all... i would not get bored


  • emeraldsoldier
    September 7, 2007
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    cool, so love this, dispite raising points agianst imortality... this poem seems.... imortal, i don't know if this is comming acrros the way i mean it but, this poem has a sort of 'timeless wisdom' quality to it. essentially what im getting at is, this poem is really good. keep it up.

    emeraldsoldier


    • Maldronah
      September 7, 2007
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      Thanks. Great comments.
      No slur on immortality,
      even at the rate of one day at a time.

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