In the magic of the moment,
where she spoke the moon ~
all the secrets laid bare ~
the bones of her need
the electricity that brought her to life,
I was caught in the currents,
washed by an icy heat,
no longer a man,
but a beast.
Paint me in chiaroscuro,
rash in the extremes. No longer
a creature of refined delights ~
now, full of a wolf’s hunger, a creature
of half lights, sure that my cravings
could only be fed
by another’s
delight.
Like a hand in the froth of a storm
driven sea, all the firmaments
should now belong to me. What
cannot fit in my grasp, gnashed to waste.
For if it could not be mine, no other should
know the taste. The fire in the gut
consumes the Light in the soul.
Until, there is no understanding.
Just, the consumption
is the goal.
Finally, tossed by fires spent
beached in ashen waste, the first
vision gashed by talon and knife,
I roll upon my back and curse
how delightful was
the first taste.
6:04 PM
09/06/07
Martha Washington Library
Author notes
A contest entry
- GIVE ME YOUR HM FOR A CHANCETO WIN GOLD by esroddo.
450 points, ended September 21, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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61 for Write
15 for title
Great Write.
nicely penned, wish you luck
anyway
thanks for entering
Out of 100 You have Achieved 76
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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This was very intense.
Be Well
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Thanks Mark. I wanted to write a poem about Lust that wouldn't have to be labeled Adult. But, would be understood by those who are and enjoyed by those who aren't.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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Hi just thought I would check out your page
This felt intense and lustful
WOW!
Definately deserved the gold.
Love ~sugar~
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This really isn't my erotica or some such. This was written to catch the energy and do it in a way that the child would see one set of images and adults another. Hmm.
Thanks for the sharing. I appreciate the compliment. I like to catch the energy in my more sensual pieces. Just to make them more immediate and have them light a similar fire in my readers.
Love, Tom B.
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Beautiful write
Amazing write and yes you do deserve more than a HM.
I loved this stance;
"Like a hand in the froth of a storm
driven sea, all the firmaments
should now belong to me. What
cannot fit in my grasp, gnashed to waste.
For if it could not be mine, no other should
know the taste. The fire in the gut
consumes the Light in the soul.
Until, there is no understanding.
Just, the consumption
is the goal."
Thank you for entering it
LISA
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wow thats really cool... i love the part of"could only be fed by anothers delight... wow...thats really pretty
thank you
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You are welcome. There are others you might enjoy. The soft, the sensual, the ones full of love. Tell me if you have one you would like me to read. Love, Tom B.
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I love this and agree with what another said, that this is true poetry, not cheesey or ott on anything. A great deep journey and back again. Absolutely loved it.
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You give me far more credit than I deserve, but I love hearing it. This is the is, I hope, a vision of the path and energy of Lust. Its addictive feel and the sense of loss at the end, yet the desire to begin again.
May your day be blessed with the grace of joy and a shared moment of love with a friend.
Love, Tom B.
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full of a wolf’s hunger, a creature
of half lights, sure that my cravings
could only be fed by another’s delight.
the depth of the oceans upon the souls shadow would contain these hollow howling words, alike the savagery would take the best of us and doubt passion to its death, so you have scribed this blood and imagery a brilliant reminder of freedom and acceptance, ANYHEYS cheers for sharing this with advocado dip and biscuits -JAS
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Thanks for stopping by and sharing your own joy. Yes, this is the energy of madness and the consumption of Lust.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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Dear Tom,apologies as commented on this previously and didn't recall that until had clicked to read,will refund the points of the click so that you may canvas another opinion,all the very best,Yvette
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A mind boggling orgasm that is how I would describe this write here Tom. I dare say that I love it! I admit too that I am never let down by you, you took me on a emotional journey here and I feel throughly spent ... anyhow well orchestrated piece, from beginning to end. Well done
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To say I have never let you down is a high compliment. I am honored. Thanks for enjoying the energy in this one.
Love, Tom B.
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Excellent Write
What a increadible poem here. Title Following the Drowning in the Full Moonlight is a perfect title, the first line In the majic of the moment and the last line
The first taste embraces the body of the poem as a whole and completes it perfectly. Thank you for sharing your increadible gift to write such mature poetry! I admire your talent. I have a very long ways to go. Have a great evening! stavykm
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This was an intense look at the energy and addictive quality of Lust. I am blessed and honored to be a source of such pleasure for you. I am glad that you enjoy the construction and voice of this poem. The way is only long in the number of poems you read and the ones you write. It is a process that deepens us and takes us further into this gift given us.
Love, Tom B.
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Dang, I did it again.
O.k. Here's my applauses, that'll get ten of your points back. And I'll go and comment on something else I have yet to read..jin
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Jin, thanks for being so thoughtful and sweet. May your own day be brightly blessed.
Love, Tom B.
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FREAKIN' AWESOME
THIS. Is. PERFECTION! I love where you went with this; the passion; the imagery: gotta love it (and I do). So much so, bookmarking it to get lost in again and again: sigh.
*StormSpinner*
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Thanks for becoming so involved in this piece upon Lust. I wanted to catch the journey, the energy, the impact and how in the end we decide if we are addicted and want to do it again.
I appreciate the comments and compliments. May your day be blessed.
Love, Tom B.
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This is just gorgeous!!! The imagery here is simply divine, but so very intense and truly powerful! Excellent write!
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the prompt was Lust and show how it touches one personally. so I set myself free to travel roads I would not normally. Glad yu enjoyed my adventure.
Love, Tom B
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beautiful piece that you have here! keep writing
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thanks for sharing your joy in this piece. After forty years of writing I don't plan to stop anytime soon.
Love, Tom B.
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This is true poetry... although grim it has substance more than what is given by most of the people here (aka stab stab stab die die die i want to kill myself (or others)) and quite frankly I got VERY VERY sick of that! This is AMAZING WORK! Now comes the critical, I like the line "bones of her need" as if her bones have substance and structure almost as if they are a person of their own, or an embodiment of her feelings. I believe if you changed your meter it would add much more to your poem as there are awkward breaks, adding/changing one word in certain spots can make a HUGE difference. I do not like the line "consumes the Light in the soul" due to its blatancy and it is not needed to give us an image of what is happening. Although I do see the significance in capitalizing "Light" and what its references may be... it isnt a needed line and takes away from the poem. Vision gashed by talon and knife, here is another line I have not gained satisfaction in, talon and knife... as opposed to just a talon or just a knife a beast yet human needing and relying on an instrument. IF you were to change it to one (preferably the talon) it would help affirm your story to a further point. "Just, consumption is the goal" needs work due to blatancy, if you make everything spelled out for me it ruins the pictures you have painted for me. I can add more ideas but then the poem would not be your own anymore, also remember that you do not need to take my critique or listen to everything that you "should change." I have been told to change things in my poetry that I though added, and need to be there for it to make total sense but my mind works differently from another and I would advise to just experiment with the lines I have referenced and see if you can improve them to your & the reader's liking.
I look forward to seeing edits!
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Thanks. Given me alot to ponder. I see what you mean to a degree. I just have to see what I would change to maintain the integrity of my conception. I am honored to the depth and thought of your critique. For that I say Thank you. Check back in time and see.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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love- Love- LOVE
the ending to this piece... MARVELOUS! a great build to those last few lines that are definitely unexpected but quite refreshing and the flow of the piece as a whole still seems natural, uninterrupted... -
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the flow in this was everything. I could not express Lust without the energy of the flow. Had to get the feeling of the drive. The last few lines . . . ? My interpertation.
Love, Tom b.
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Interesting
My first impression of this is that it is very deep and interestingly done. Emotionally it makes me feel the unbridled passion of the person or creature in this poem, for it could be either. This is not awkward to read and as such needs no changing. My favorite part is the first three lines. do not have any that I totally dislike. The title works well with this and the first line makes tou wonder just what will come next. The last line sums up the context of this poem. -
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This poem is one were I figured if I could capture the energy then the images would speak all the volumes I needed them to. Thanks for taking the time to do an indepth review. Truly a gift.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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i like drama
the first few lines reminded me of sylvia plath (that is a big compliment from me.) i love the word firmament. -
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Thanks for the compliement I think plath is stunning. Glad you enjoyed my description of the toll of lust.
Love, Tom B.
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Well Mr. Tom B ,
You have described lust and possession perfectly its a side we don't see of you . So this rather dark poem was great!
I agree with grannyeri,Deep and Deadly !
The funny thing is you my friend are always writing poetry just look at your comments they are poetry in themselves! 
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You are truly being kind. I only speak my mind and sometimes my heart and soul. I try to write in a way that makes it clear what is important to me and what I hold dear. Have the form fit the meaning as I creat my work of art. In the end perhaps build a gateway to understanding from my heart. Thanks for all the joy your kind words have brought to me today.
Love, Tom B.
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I loved this so sexy yet so beasty....would ya settle for Kibbles and bits though.
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I don't think that you could make the creature in this poem into a pet. Glad yo shared a little joy after the poem had eaten all he could get.
Love, Tom B.
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Read the other comments as well and then went and re read your poem - in a way it takes me to fantasy, vampires, nights and lights - insatiable appetites that just won't go away, not matter how much is taken, or how many times one feeds. Very creative - can be metaphoric for many things - just depends on how we interpret it. Deep and deadly.
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Addiction and Lust, Obssession and Jealousy fly along the lines of the same energy. I didn't plan to write this and I find it funny it came to me in a Library, but it was fun when the words spilled out and once it started to flow it didn't stop until done.
thanks for the visit and the review.
Love, Tom B.
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wow this is some writing
you are getting so good. we may have ti call you- Pro- Tang hahahahaha...mac
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Thanks for the joy and the laughter in praise far better than anything else I can think of.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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the internal rhyme is done so subtly
i didn't catch it until the second stanza -
like Alexandra commented, this is simply a
Tom piece and done, oh so very well...
Love, lane
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'Tis the magic run, the course set the lines of energy and the net created when one falls prey to the games this form of desire portrays. So easy does the door swing wide, how quickly closed once one's inside.
Thank your for the praise. I appreciate the value of the gift passed my way.
Love, Tom B.
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I finally got to this, sorry it took so long. I like the title though it is long, it is creative. This is simply a Tom piece it has your style written all over it. I like the imagery of the storn over the sea, that always paints a wonderful pic for me. The end took me by suprise, you went out with a bang, someday I would truly like to borrow your mind if that's ok.
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The shadows would clash and dash if you were so rash as to borrow my mind for some afternoon hash.
You can wonder at the images and sea, but I doubt you would truly want to wander to long in me.
Thanks for coming by and taking the time to share with me. The way I left in sudden demise was just the effects of a wanton life
Love, Tom B.
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Tom, you know me pretty well and could probably tell ME what I think about this one, lol...I separate..or should I say differentiate between the two L's...A lustful creature I can become, but it doesn't overtake me...the J word..I've looked into the face of this a few times, after the first couple, learned I didn't have to deal with it..I've felt those twinges myself, but faced the source and delt accordingly. Good piece, Tom
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You understand the energetic being. The man or woman who allows themselves to controled by the animal they live in suffers the fate portrayed for it what the beast demands. The energy being subverted and stories used to explain why it is necessary to be so.
Love, Tom B.
PS I love it when you drop in.
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Seriously
sensual. Fantastic, love the way you describe those undescribable moments-
Finally, tossed by fires spent
beached in ashen waste, the first
vision gashed by talon and knife,
Loving those lines, so raw.
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Different feelings, different energies. This poem follows the emotion of Lust and all the seductive madness it entails. Yes this is certainly so raw. Thank you for taking the time to review this.
Love, Tom B.
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This piece is probably, by far, my favorite of yours. I loved the metaphors, the imagery, and the detail that you packed into each stanza. You also seemed to grasp a firm hold on your emotions, in which your hunger for love, or lust, growls. Keep it up and good luck in the contest!
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I do have a firm grasp of my emotions just no contol I stay in touch with my feelings and try to work towards being the person I want to be. I thought you would be fascinated by the energy in this one. It is what makes Lust so seductive at first. ;(
Love, Tom B.
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raw and a reality...how many have heard.."if I can not have you no one will..." and yet, survived it. Ah, dark words, dark thoughts, and dark memories I ahve to palce on this poem. Raw and real, my friend..raw and real.
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her contest, Lane's, said show me how you percieve Lust. I didn't think I would enter because I don't like emotions that turn people into objects. i am not even a jealous person. I can't be possessive. Still, this erupted from me as I sat in the library and wrote itself. yeah, you are right raw and very real. I have done some hard work on occasion to save people from this dark night.
Love, Tom B.
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Strong words filled raw emotion. I felt your hunger, the lust for something forbidden but desired so much and finally reaching your goal. Many good wishes in the contest.
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I am not someone who lives his life in obsession or addiction. I am not someone who would reduce someone to an object. Yet the contest, which I knew I wasn't going to enter, must of eaten at the back of my mind and I ended up writing this. It catches the energy and how destructive it is to me. Thanks for taking the time to review and share with me.
Love, Tom B.
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Bear rolls over & plays dead ~
Throw me a bone Bubba!
Sometimes....Hmmmm.....no......most of the time,
I have to read your side notes or another Poets
review...and then your answer, to be able to figure out
what the hell you are saying......damn my father and his genes!
I guess I shall give you the non-eraseable Ink ~
It makes sense now....but I hate it when my
mind can not connect your dots....as I
know there is always a beautiful picture awaiting for me ~
The best to you Bro ~
Brother Bear ~
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You know of course that I always think I am too obvious. I don't try to obscure or obfuscate. Yet I can see where the way I see the world might make it hard to relate. I am glad you think I am worth the trouble and the time.
Love, Tom B.
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Given what you said in your note, it's there--on the surface, but not bluntly or graphically; and certainly below the surface as one interprets images and rhythms. I particularly enjoyed the interior rhyme, enough of it to suggest a pattern, but not so strident as to take over; it is as if the rhyme is servant to a deeper, less controlled rhythm...which is what the poem is about.
Looks good. I looked at the the other day but couldn't quite get a grip on what I wanted to say, so thanks for the note. It gave me something specific to watch for.
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Thank you. I never thought I would write a poem on this subject for everything I first thought of went places I wasn't looking to go. Then in the quiet of a library it laid itself out before me. Funny how some poems blossom from an organic sense and others are more of a construction. I appreciate you taking the time to look it over. Your objectivity is something I have come to value.
Peace & Love, Tom B. -
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It would be interesting to lay the two kinds out side by side and see what the deeper differences are. I've written some that I labored over, structured, decided on every word...and they just didn't seem to go anywhere with readers, even though I still like them. Then there are others that just seem to come out of nowhere; I'm not sure whether to let anyone see them or not, and then the readers seem stunned by the poems. [Shrug]
By the way, the title to this one is great. -
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I have been looking at this a great deal lately. I don't know the word for it, if there is one. Vosneshensky (not sure if I spelt it right) a Russian poet once said "The poet is a prophet. Not of what was or what shall be, but of what is. A prophet of the truth. The strength of the poetry lies in the strength of the prophecy of this truth."
I find it to be and immediacy, an energy that lifts the poem out of just being words. I can feel it sometimes and feel a sureness as I place each word. Often I only discover my success in the reactions of my readers. Yet, I will often toss poems in notebooks to be unread or unfinished because they don't have this aliveness, immediacy, truth within them.
I find it is often the difference between the pretensive cleverness of an Oscar Wilde (Eco has a wonderful essay on him) and the clarity and brilliance of a Neruda or the magic and music of a Langston Hughes. Thanks for the comment and I am showing my analytical side more than usual
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Brilliant.....
I love every line of this and you know how fond I am of hinting at the real meaning in metaphor...This is exquisite.....in your very own style.....
Lynda
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Thanks for all of your praise. You know, I strive to live up to it. This one was unplanned for. I didn't really think I had anything to say about Lust. Shows you how our brains and muses work on things while we are not looking. Love, Tom B.
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Obsession and lust, passionate bedfellows....hand in hand, more often than not. I'm not sure if I am on the right track with this...but, my thoughts none the less. I thoroughly enjoyed this...beautifully written, the touch of desirous longing is totally there. I'm not certain as to why but, this line just stands out so very much...'Like a hand in the froth of a storm driven sea, all the firmaments should now belong to me.' Fantastic and say so much. Okay, scattered noggin today, hence scattered comment, so sorry. I love this one, very much! Best of luck to you in this contest.
Love
Ash
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How quickly Lust becomes obsession and how quickly it feeds. Thanks for admiring my technical skills. The line you liked is the one that took the most careful construction. Thanks for all of your best wishes.
Love, Tom B.
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You have made it clear aout the love conditions of human kind. Jealousy, lust and need. This is truly another excellent read...I love you metaphoric words, that have given me a picture of this man & woman...what an obsession. Write on my friend...novy
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We are easily fooled at first into thinking Lust and other addictive behaviors are a form of love. Thanks for seeing what I was trying to say. I appreciate and value your insights.
Love, Tom B.
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"Where she spoke the moon," "For if it could not be mine, no other should know the taste." Brilliant lines. And of course a child could read this piece without understanding the intent, because the imagery to a child is only Nature while the meaning to the adult is only the Natural urge. Good write, as I expected.
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Glad I could meet expectations Thanks for sharing your favorite lines. Every vision, review, critic helps me have a better sense of how the message comes through and how I touch the reader. Forgive my tease I could not resist. Look forward to hearing from you again.
Love, Tom B.
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beyond words
EXCELLENT as always. I have missed reading your works. It is always such a pleasure. Your are so very tatlanted. The pictures you paint and the feelings you muster. i could only dream to be as taltanted as you. Please never stop your beautiful writinr my friend.much love always Jess
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Thanks for all the compliments. I hope I am always able to live up to this praise. I am sure with practice, and effort your own writing will surprise you. I look at my earliest efforts and I am amazed at how far I have come. All that matters is writing and a drive to become excellent. Listen to all criticism. Seek out those who show you how to improve and what new things you might want to try. Ask them to be your mentor. It will only help you grow. Love, Tom B.
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oh wow. excellent! loved the way that you put her into the beginning and made her the first morsel taste. and in the end he was the one taken and not her. great suspense, love it.
"Finally, tossed by fires spent
beached in ashen waste, the first
vision gashed by talon and knife,
I roll upon my back and curse
how delightful was
the first taste.
"
awesome!!
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To be the one lusted for can feel sweet, until you deal with being treated only as an object. The obsessive nature makes jealousy pale before their desires. Thanks for the compliments.
Love, Tom B. -
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obsession can make jealousy very pale in comparison. being an object for ones lust is not fun. and you captured that here.
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ouffffff my dear friend. It is as if this page self ignites with every word. One can feel the heat of need, want ,desire [there is however an almost ominous threat of that fire consuming all]. What will be left in its wake? The fires of hell? I am not sure how deep you had to dig to get to this, but I do know that you peeled away every layer and exposed a core-----one that one wonders what to do with now that it lays there raw and exposed. You are a MASTER indeed, [not just of the pen]but of the human condition.
much love and best wishes in the contest,
reenie
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Thank you. I feel complimented. My only hope is that i will continue to live up to the praise. Your critical eye has nicely caught what I was doing in this poem.
Love, Tom B.
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This completely describes lust and the obsession one may have with lust. The longing for the other becomes the only thing they desire, almost like an addiction. It feeds the soul and the flesh. A beautiful portrait of the fire and passion that lust brings out of a person. I really loved the way this was written...Good luck in the contest...
Always,
Soulful Woman
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Thank you. I wanted to catch the energy and the passion of obsesssion the drive in lust.
I value your insights. Thanks for being so generous.
Love, Tom B.
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this is a fantastic write. lots of metaphors in use. the message is clear. but i have to ask: what's a chiaroscuro? thank you for sharing this. keep writing! God bless you always
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Chiaroscuros is an art form consisting of black and white and maybe a few grays to make the picture. It is a little more than that and in film the talk about heightening the light and making the distinctions sharper.
I hope with this write that I have a succeeded in writing something that grows on you and as you read it opens your eyes to the quality of energy that live in Lust.
Love, Tom B.
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With extreme emotion and energy you have vividly described the hunger and passion of the feeling of lust, a hunger, a want to have something so much nothing else matters. One would do anything to get it to have it. Truly a piece to treasure and to know you have accomplished such an energetic and electrifying piece is honorable! thanks for the truly great read!
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Thanks for seeing this piece and sharing with me. I think Lust is really a form of addiction. It possesses the person as much as they wish to possess. I wanted to capture the energy in this piece in a way that made it clearer than what was lusted for. Thanks for sharing your joy with my efforts. Love, Tom B.
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Lust is so addictive whether it be written metaphorically as this is or just told straight from the hip. I could imagine you having the first few lines of this then letting yourself just run with it and see where it led. A pretty powerful dance I am feeling Love, C
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Thanks for picking up so clearly on the energy. I figured that was where Lust truly is, in the energy and the way it creates an addictive behavior. I just wanted to do it so clean that a kid could read this and sense something wrong even if he didn't have the experience to know what that wrong is.
Love, Tom B.
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The choice of metaphors in this piece could not have been more perfect..
Lust and the nature of the beast..
Very nice write..
Thanks for sharing with me
Peace
~A~
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I appreciate your review and catching all the nuances of this piece. Thanks for taking the time to look at it.
Love, Tom B.
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Maybe a part of all of us that we only catch a sideways glance at, you took on full faced and shown it in all its raw savagery, and sensuality. Plus, the total loss of control over such. I believe we all possess such wanton feelings...
"The fire in the gut
consumes the LIght in the soul.
Until, there is no understanding.
Just, the consumption
is the goal."
Well done, my friend.
Intensely Provocative and Powerful, Scribe!
~ Nicholas
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Thanks. Yeah I guess I did look at it straight ahead. I had pondered it for days because of Lane's contest. Didn't really think I would write anything and then, . . . well you just never know.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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I would say lol there is a lot of metaphor written into this one and I totally get it..
Soft but yet so very direct love can be a wonderful thing
Blessings and thanks for sharing,
Love and Light
Tearz -
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Thanks for all the kind words and for stopping by. i thought you would get a kick on seeing lust expressed by just its energetic metaphor.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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Man, Very, very good tom. I love the way the words weaved the truth. And its end was PERFECT! defineitly a first place winner with an attitude...GETS
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Just wanted to capture the energy. I was in the Library letting first lines run through my head when suddenly it was there. the poem I didn't think I would write. One on Lust. It is like I knew. Somethings just write you more than you write them.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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There was no need for the labeling of this poem to restrict any reader. The message is clearly lust and the tone of the poem is exceptional. There is a rush written here, the kind nature adheres to. Raw synergy spins from these words. This poetry makes my heart beat at a faster pace. I loved;
"What
cannot fit in my grasp, gnashed to waste.
For if it could not be mine, no other should
know the taste."
Ah...the pride of possession. She is yours, and none else shall have her. Your use of the natural in metaphoric device is stunning. I love any poem that mentions; "electricity". My hubby charges and recharges me at will LOL. Superb!
I wish you well in the contest my dear friend.
Much Love & Many Blessings ♥
Renee
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Thanks. I wanted the energy to be what rung clearest through my words. I wanted to make it dance with the kind of power and rush that makes us so addicted and destructive when filled with Lust. Thanks for the read and the wonderful comments.
Love, Tom B.
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definitely expressive of lust
on a level that speaks of its evils and conveys that it leads to a demise... tastefully done, though, as it does speak to the reader on more than one level... it could be about giving into impulse or insatiable greed/desire or an addictive behavior, in general... well done
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Most of the lessons we are supposed to remember in this life were ones told to us as children in disguise. Call them fairy tales or fables they warned of the problems of avarice, calumny, and all the deadly sins. If we took them in, we had our conscience aimed and ready.
Thanks
Love, Tom B.
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Especially liked "the bones of her need"
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Thanks dear. You really are becoming kinder as you age. I appreciate your insight as always. Love, Tom B.
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