"Well look at that,"
the giggle that follows slightly manical
"Seems someone noticed after all,
not that she deserved it. The Brat."
The girl stands in the corner
a black top hat tipped over one eye
purple hair brushing the shoulders
of her gothic corset.
She wears elbow length gloves
Which would have been elegant
had she not cut off the finger tips
even as they rhythmically tap against the glass.
"It's a Carnavel out there.
I'll bet you that"
Barely repressed glee and anger seeths,
" Too weak to play the game. That's what she was."
Ignoring the glares she continues
"Think for a moment how she did it..
Think of those last few thoughts that drifted
through her pretty little head.."
"Think she's sorry now?"
It's a snarl, and brown eyes glint violently
at the guests that sit in terror
wondering just who let this mad woman in.
A silver knife glints in her hands,
and it is twirled as bare feet
dance to the front of the stage
to fling the casket open.
"An empty casket. You've all been fooled."
She leans against the casket,
tapping her chin with the knife
blood dripping down it's length..
and then...
Brown eyes widen drastically,
as she stares down at the old woman in the coffin.
Pale fingers shake.
"I'm so sorry,
I thought this was my funeral I was interuptting"
Yet..
She had read it
in the papers...
her funeral to be held...
They must of found her body
Did they not care enough?
Have any reverance for the dead?
(Even in death I was never worth their time)
A contest entry
- "The Artist's Muse Can Be Demonic" by Auburn Sunrise.
1900 points, ended September 20, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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thrilling!
so discriptive!
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Excellent
Very well done. Great creation so vivid and full of detail. Best of luck in the contest
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Excellent write
(Even in death I was never worth their time)
Loved the ending
~sugar~
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nice twist, very unexpected. You have done a very good job with this as I see I was not the only one who originally thought this would be about something else. interesting that with the way the girl was acting and the feeling she was giving off, she would be able to be shaken at the discovery of the old woman. I like that she is able to be shaken and apologize because it shows she is not completely cut off from compassion for others even in her despair.
Good luck in the contest. -
Pondering
Very thought provoking poem for me! I liked it though and I feel it was a excellent write. In a Corner is a perfect title for she was watching somewhat from afar her own life! What a trip then Did they not care enough? Have any reverance for the dead? Perfect to bring the whole poem and title together into a excellenly written poem. Thank you for sharing you for sharing your gift with me!! stavykm
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"Ignoring the glares she continues
"Think for a moment how she did it..
Think of those last few thoughts that drifted
through her pretty little head.."
i have wondered many times about people who committed suicide, and what thoughts prompted them to do something like that. this is an excellent piece!
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deep and interesting piece keep writing!
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This is not my cup of tea as the sentiments expressed are alien but it is, nevertheless, well constructed and interesting. Three points (not to be pedantic but we should use our craft carefully) : "Carnavel" should read "Carnival", "...should of..." should be "should have" and "reverance should read "reverence". Thanks for the read.
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Ha ha, they didn't even care enough to make sure that it was her, that's about the way it is ¦:¬{
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Very Well Written.................
is this piece you have penned here!!!! It reminds me of a movie when someone dies and then can watch and see how people react immediately afterwards. But this one is different in that it disapoints the dead person who seems to believe even in death she wasn't worth theri time. Nicely written story/poem. Great imagery and content and I enjoyed it from start to finish!! Thanks for sharing!!!~~Toni~~
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Very deep,dark and intense.
My first impression is that this is of how much of the reality of how someone might react if they had commited suicide and then were able to go to their own funeral might feel and see. It is exceptionally well done. Emotionally with these words I can see and feel just what this person was feeling. Then it sure came as a shock to find out that it was not their own funeral. To keep the context of this, nothing should be changed. It is not awkward to read. There is nothing that I could point out as my favorite part or otherwise. The title is good, and the first line is Ok. The last line says it all. Avery interesting piece. -
chilling....
At first I thought this was something quite different, and was bracing myself for disappointment... but then I realized how brilliant and interesting it really was. I absolutely LOVE the ending!
I also love the alter-ego of the suicide victim - how cruelly she makes fun of herself (or perhaps taunts/tortures those who survived her?).
I have often wondered (by some demented narcissism) what people would say or do if I did end up committing suicide. What would they feel? How would they react? What would they say about me and my final decision? Who would surprise me by showing up at my funeral? Who would surprise me by moving on swiftly? I have even gone as far as to fantasize about how I'd look, laying in my coffin... I told you it's sick.
How clearly (in my return to sanity now) I can see that this is utterly ridiculous and quite pointless to think about... what would it matter? I'd be dead! I'd never know how they felt!
Anyway, I liked your cleverly written poem with a very slick surprise ending. Brilliant!
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-giggles- I must say, I've had the very same thoughts... I always wanted to attend my own funeral.. I came close to being able to at one point. though there would have been no casket. Just another missing person. -snorts- Don't take candy from strrraanngggerrrss.. Evvvveeen when the strange person is related to you. -mutters-
What did you think it was going to be like at first?
I'm glad you liked the ending.. I <3 doing different or suprise endings.
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