My creation-
independantly she bends
her bow-legged bars a steely cage.
I sit in her womb
outgrown, underfed
and wanting.
She feeds me shadows-
shafts of scrap-light.
And locks the door.
With it,
she locks out hope
of Sarah's timid escape.
Author notes
The battle between my alter-egos. Mataphor of Maya as a cage, locking up the weaker Sarah.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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My creation-
independantly she bends
her bow-legged bars a steely cage.
I sit in her womb
outgrown, underfed
and wanting.
She feeds me shadows-
shafts of scrap-light.
And locks the door.
With it,
she locks out hope
of Sarah's timid escape.
I thought I would copy/paste it all so that it looks like a lengthy comment because the truth is I can never sum up your poetry with my own words! Dark and beautiful.
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Wow! The conflict presented in this piece is superb and the way you put a seemingly pausing effect gives the readers a certain thrill and suspense with words.
"She feeds me shadows-
shafts of scrap-light.
And locks the door."
The abovemntioned lines are my favorites for it shows so much that it can be a stand alone poem. It shapes up so many images in the mind.
Love your poetry as always
Thanks for sharing.
>>>VIRGOAN
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Yes...alright
Yeah... I remember when you used to sign your messages as Maya ( Hey I have just thought...how about Maya the Merciless...that is great!) when really your name is Sarah from..........***!Whose surname is really............****! Because I know, and remember , that you used the name Maya for Allpoetry messgaes and your poetry 3 or 4 years ago. I know what you are on about. I doubt anybody else does now though!
Sarah of the "wildire" county e-mail address from ........***!!!!!! Lol!
Andy
XXX
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loooovely.
‘shafts of scrap-light’ is gorgeous – almost an interchangeable line, the shafts and the scraps could go the other way around, they slant in and cross over each other, light and shadow. I liked the restraint in this – the shortness of the lines and the overall brevity mirror ‘Sarah’s’ physical constraints…and I liked the idea of being fed shadow – I picture a thin girl with ribs slatting out and darkness swirling inside of her.
Scary, almost. But in a lust-after-pretty kind of way.
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Like having a split personality, one strong that keeps the other hidden until time permits her to come to the surface. Liked the brevity and the flow of these lines - accurate title, with good conclusion, relating all that came between.
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Cool
Had to read this a couple times, but every time it grows on me more. I like the crypticness of it and imagery. Reading the author's notes helped to solidfy my interpretation. Thanks for sharing!
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Lovely
A dark beautiful scape, the light is only wanting of shadows. I think not so timid!
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Shady...? I don't think so; a little hard to understand" possibly but I like to call it poetically encryptive. I don't care that I don't understand it, I don't have to understand the words to realize their power. Oh wait....there's a little thing called author comments...and in this case they shed loads of light on the poem; lift it from the relm of cleverly choosen words thrown together and into the world of phenominal, easily understood poetry.
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Hmm.... this ones a little shady to me. I dont fully understand what you are saying here. I know that Sarah is traped, locked inside somewhere. Herself perhaps. Who is Maya? Her inner demon perhaps? I can twist this around to make perfect sense to me but I cant grasp what you intended to be in it. But thats kind of what a poem is anyway isn't it? What ever you make of it. All the same I like this poem just the same whether I have to use my own warped mind to desipher or just read what you wrote. Nicely done. Great job.
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