Waiting all day
for the sun to go down
to then wrap
himself up in a big black cloud.
The unblinking eyes
of the world become blind
as he blends himself in with the wind.
Nothing can touch
him when the lights go out
he can be
anything in a big black cloud.
The all seeing eye
of our world cannot mock
when he merges himself with the wind.
Author notes
darkness
A contest entry
- Pre-write Party ~ Closes In One Day by Namita.
300 points, ended October 1, 2007, 90 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever by Earthmagick.
480 points, ended October 20, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites that dont suck. by parachute fog.
400 points, ended October 20, 2007, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! by Nam.
425 points, ended October 23, 2007, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PW parade by birch.
300 points, ended October 26, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotions --prewrites allowed by MaMa-2-be-Cindy.
380 points, ended October 30, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes.. by IamRemy.
625 points, ended December 16, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme GiMmE GIMME by FlipperSwitch.
450 points, ended December 10, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my free verse by leander.
400 points, ended January 6, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Result Of Boredom: A "Whatever" Contest by Exodus.
525 points, ended January 25, 2008, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites by any1.
450 points, ended February 11, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me what you got...4 by Luckintheshadows.
470 points, ended September 3, 2008, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Your Heart Desires by Rhapsody.
550 points, ended December 27, 2008, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1014 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
-
Interesting use of personalisation here - to apply it to the 'big black cloud' such simplistic language use, however you brought it to life - and made him so much more -
That was skillfully done, and you gave the cloud life which isn't the easiest task to complete -
Thanks for entering
-
nice, but haven't u alreaddy entered one
-
I like this, I think you've created a really wonderful image of darkness, given it more life than a thing to be feared or reviled. I really enjoyed reading this, and thank you for sharing and taking the time to enter my contest,
Luck. -
Interesting take on the sun. He does hide behind clouds sometimes doesn't he. Also he gets swept away by the wind or so it would seem. He does not shine on me today. The clouds hide him and I have gloom and rain
Thank you for entering.
-
Quite a dark poem you've written here too
interesting actually, something stupid maybe that I noticed, but you are the first I can remember who described the sun as a 'he'
Thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the very best!
Leander -
interesting concept
-
I like it. Mysterious.
Thank your for joining! -
I enjoyed your words, But have to say the way you have broken the lines made it harder to read and feel.
Thanks for entering it of course
and Good Luck
-
i really like the poem itself, but would suggest creating more than two lined stanzas. it may read easier that way. great content though. dusty
-
I feel this would read better if it was left-aligned. Other than that, I found this to be a nice poem that you have written here.
-
MYSTERIOUS!
GREAT WRITE I REALLY LIKED THE FLOW OF IT
AND WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO SAY!
THANK YOU FOR ENTERING INTO MY CONTEST!
AND GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
.
I loved it.
It's a beautiful peice man. -
Very mysterious ... merging, unseen with the wind. I like it! Going to have to keep an eye on those big, black clouds ... never know what's lurking inside.
Enjoyed the read! ....JustBreathe
-
I have often wanted to merge, to become inconspicuous (sp)blend with my surroundings and disappear into the wallpaper
Escapism, suits many of us I am sure as we write to tell the tale Most enjoyable
-
Amazing.
-
Captivating. Fantastic. Beautiful.
-
You are the best story teller that I know. Well described in a very tight poem. Captivating and compelling. Well done my friend. Good luck in the contest.
-
i really liked thsi piece a lot and it was really well written my favorite part was when you said he could not be mocked when he merges with the wind....really cool
-
Wonderfully expressed. Thank you so much for entering and good luck in my contest.
Bravo
-
Wonderful Write
Hello Alex, I think we all like to get lost and forget our problems. I sometimes hate the darkclouds as they amplify my thoughts and fears. Great imagery my friend. I like the end. The thought of merging with the wind sounds inviting. Just fly away to a better day. You take care. Best of luck in the contesat. Sandy
-
Beautifuly written
Loved this - great imagery and your ability to take the reader into a different space is amazing. This poem has so much depth and substance - yet it was easy to read and understand. To get a mesaage of this depth through in a few words is truely a gift. I really enjoyed this.
-
I liked the idea of blending into the big black cloud or even into the wind that surrounds.. It was like that was the only place wherein he felt safe somehow a place of sanctuary I suppose or like a little place in a safe heaven. Because of this poem it seemed that my heart has just somehow felt the feeling of peace. These were great thoughts and a wonderful piece indeed.
-Blanche
-
stunning
wow im amazed this is increadible it almost passes before your eyes like the wind and increases the feeling of being invisible well done my poem seems so utterly insignificant now and worthless just wow
-
"The unblinking eyes
of the world become blind"... excellent phrase!
Oh, and the wind and the black clouds.
Excellent metaphor and flow.
This is long for you and definitly one of my favorites.
-
Great rhyming scheme. Wonderful write. Thanxx a whole lot for entering. I wish you good luck in my contest and hope you do well.
Luv,
Candy,
-
strong words....I love it! As the sun goes down into the darkness, leaving the earth with nothing for sight. Great write!
Miss Marie -
Ah, to be part of the wind and move invisible through peoples windows, around people, high above this world...interesting concept...rather brings out the voyeur in me
Ruth -
This is a splendid interpretation ... I am very taken with the way you write "nothing can touch him when the lights go out - he can be anything in a big black cloud" ... fabulous imagery. Best of luck, my friend. x
-
Yes, this certainly fits well with the theme of this contest - imerging with the wind is something that one could do - carried along and no one would notice. Liked the flow and the images these lines bring to mind.
-
I love it. The rhythem and rhyme, and movement. It wraps you up in the words. Good expression. The pattern in the stanzas really add to the rhym.
Adding your comment:
1 - 30 of 30
