In Orem Utah,
I sat on the couch with a bowl of cornflakes.
My Uncle watched with concentration as the TV prattled on about a "gulf war"
I only partly understood.
Pictures marched across the screen. Hum Vs and scorching heat.
American flags and cheering Iraqi crowds. I imagined soldiers climbing dusty hills on their bellies.
Men with suits and serious faces discussed world news
while words ran too fast across the bottom of the screen.
Suddenly the phone rang
-A welcome reprieve from CNN-
But then the room tilted sidewards and to my surprise I tasted sand in my mouth.
A heavy backpack weighed me down. A crumpled picture of my wife and son itched,
caught between my helmet and my forehead.
Which who was me?
In just two months you`ll be eleven I told myself.
To fight back the wind and the weight and thoughts of a jabbering toothless five month old
and how he had held out chubby hands to me at the airport.
I looked between the worlds
-overlapping madness-
I saw blue flowered curtains against classy wallpaper.
I saw ashy smoke settling from an earsplitting explosion.
Then just as suddenly I was only me again- An awkward ten year old who couldn't understand why you didn't just kill the one bad guy and save a thousand good ones.
It was March 13, 1991
Men with suits and serious faced discussed world news
while words ran too fast across the bottom of the screen.
Author notes
A travel through time of sorts too
A contest entry
- 1984 by LittleAnn.
600 points, ended September 25, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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this is one of the most unusal pieces I hae ever read and one of the most memorable. The way you flit from child to man and back is unique, The seventh verse, which begins in just two months you'll be eleven, is sensational,
A seriously brilliant write I salute you
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Very Different style I must admit, I like it, but I think it needs to be longer to let the reader's mind catch up to the story, I do like it though.
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This write has composed itsef as a commentary on the mind of a child. It has a life of its own and brings so many different ideals and experiences together. You could'nt change much to accomplish the same thing. I realize this is not a new read, but it is something I am glad I read to further discover you. You make me proud to be a writer and your take on the gulf was back then is profound ans it relates to someone not physically involved, but still affected. RC
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I don't think this is too long. I am actually really stricken by the words. The picture this portrays. To put it simply... Wow.
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First, it says you have lots of stories on Storywrite, I clicked on one but it was missing. Ever think of bringing them to AllPoetry? That's what I did (with another account I have) since no one seems to go to SW. I like fiction even more than poetry that's why I mentioned it.
anyway, your story"
It's not too long at all, and let me say first, the style is good, clean, and readable and that's the first thing I look for in fiction here, too many not only can't write a coherent sentence (not to be mean, it's just true) but if they can, they don't seem to appreciate the art of creating decent prose (once again, not to be mean) but you certainly seem to know how and so it was a pleasure to read your story.
The piece is an intriguing composite of surreal flashes, or vignettes...1991, I'd forgotten the first one was that long ago and I guess you've pretty much grown up knowing nothing else but that situation.
It's quite a skillful write, how you've expressed this displaced feeling and used the war as the backdrop...or better yet, the characters life is the backdrop for this long emdless situation in the Middle East.
Exceptional story. Bring more to AP, I never go to storywrite.
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Yemassee,
Thank you for your interest in my storywrite stuff. I havent thought about any of it in a very long time. I dont even remember whats there or if its worth reading! I will have to go look. Also, I like what you've read into this. Its actually partly based on the truth. The little girl part was real, but all the soldier stuff was obviously made up.
Thanks for reading. Time to return the favor now.
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Wow! This is really well written. It's something I would want to read again and again. This poem has powerful meaning. It really made me think when so many people can be ignorant to what happens in the world around them. You used a child as your example, but there are many adults who simply choose not to care or are too busy to care.
This reflects a lot of how it all started. The first Iraq war then before 911 when the war started and the whole "war on terror" began. This is a very influential piece and I think you could go further with it. Maybe write more on this topic because it is something that I found really enlightening.
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My first thought was “what is wrong with the two year old that keeps him from having a mouthful of teeth”? But what would a ten year old know about that? Good work. Deep and moving. Asks a good question.
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Holy crap! Thanks so much for catching that mistake, how embarrassing! All fixed now though. LOL
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You have a wonderful way of telling a story, Another excellent piece
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This is an swesome piece, you immediately take the reader into our story with you and from start the finish involve us in the schism between worlds. HIstory repeats itself, is true if nothing else. Very creative, well done.
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You asked for ways to improve - just leave it as it is, it ponders, it hurts, it makes you think. Write more, move on and prosper!
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I liked this. Such a change from what I am use to which is always fun isn't it...Things just don't make much sense these days and the news doesn't help that none. I dont think its too long and I liked the way that you broke it up...keep up the good work now,
Creatress
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This is so good. There may be some faults but who cares!!!! it just seems right and so deep and complex. I hate you.......why didn't I write this belter of a poem.
Donald -
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Donald,
If you see faults please tell me what they are! I want this to be as good as I can make it.
Sarah
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This may be too long for the contest but it was surely meant to be written - very prolific,
Oh but how they do overlap,
"I saw blue flowered curtains against classy wallpaper.
I saw ashy smoke settling from an earsplitting explosion."
War goes against the grain of everything we were taught - why is it ok.
Bravo on this,
galfalfa
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Thank you Wil. I really appreciate the read and the comment.
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Wow, Ms Sarah has a serious side. What a complex person you are, this is compulsive read. There is a mother in you that defines who you are, a good thing. ---- Thank you (mom) – I have a theory that the world would be a better place if only females were allowed into politics, with a preference given to mothers for matters involving foreign affairs.
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LMAO! Is the mom in me so blatently obvious?
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'To fight back the wind and the weight and thoughts of a gurgling toothless two year old'
...I like that line.
This would be too long-- the line count says 29, but since this is a prose style, they would wrap to about 40 lines.
I encourage you to enter something else
Elizabeth
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