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West of Manus

 


It's still here this morning. The hand
hanging in the eastern sky,
soft and dark in the rising sun,
a bobbing massif offering to shake
with some unseen stranger to the north,

No blood, bone, connective tissue or flesh visible at that place
where its wrist should be,
only a structure of iridescent smoke
trailing off from an unresolved truncation,
apparently melting into the ethers.
But the hand does not melt.
It persists.

It's as it was the day before
and the day before
when it picked up a monumental, yolk-colored post from beyond the setting
and scratched on the hill across the valley,
propagating a cloud of dirt which drifted towards me.

From a mile away I could hear roots cut and rocks cracked
in the muffled plowing of the post's sharp point
and by the time some word was finished
I could breathe
what was torn, see what was left behind,
a dirty sap and graphite tang in air,
its expression on the hill,

dust drifting up and off
to blend in the east
with those tailings of wrist,
building that atmosphere
where a hand abides.




Author notes

just riffing on a dream I had last night. I know it might not fit into the poetry side of things but... I can at least pretend it's about writing poetry!~)

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Lute
    September 29, 2007

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    might not neeed east of the pencil. full circle is at where a hand abides.

    and w-e-e-d spelled on the hill probably unnecessary too, was it important in the vision?

    I am not enmamored of the centered style, but that's just me.


  • Aedvaem Eavdeam
    September 29, 2007

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    Liked the stimulation.

    My, my, what a big hand you have there, floating in the sky. Do I see GAWD being referred to in this poem? It's kind of easy to take some heaveny meaning from this. Did you mean to inspire such thoughts?
    I'm guessing "No.", since GAWD would probably not write "weed"?
    What's up with that weed, anyway? I think it's a little too loaded a word for this poem.
    Maybe that hand can't spell or see what it's spelling? Maybe it tried to spell w-e-d but lost its place, or w-e-e-p or w-e-l-d or w-e-a-k or something. Stupid hand.

  • Approposgigio
    September 29, 2007

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    thoughtful

    I could complain that this is just one more poet writing about writing and might be right to do so, yet I can't help but like this. I like that it was a dream and feel that you wrote a lot INTO that dream by putting it on {virtual} paper. I don't have a problem with that but do believe I see the abstract nature of the dream beast being beaten down a bit here and your heirloom corn growing on the side of this hill, but... I am the pot and you the kettle...and a fine, rich kettle of fish, lies and schemes at that.
    HA!
    I see skill, and love flow, and you have a stream of conscious flow here. Good (enough) job, kettle.


  • Ithica silver member
    September 29, 2007

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    Hey !

    I want some of what YOU'RE smokin'... Just kidding. Jeeze there are just sooo many forms of poetry out there how does one ever learn it all. I like your poem. It engages the mind and makes one want to try to unravel the mystery within. And with so many visual clues one may mistakenly assume this to be an easy task. I for one will be thinking about it for a while, I'm sure, In fact as soon as I submit this, I'm going to read it AGAIN... Ithica


  • cherche -d -ame gold member
    September 29, 2007

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    I must admit to having a bit of a hard time following this, but being that it is a dream that you are writing about.......assuming that it is not an easy task for the writer as well to interprete what it was that visited upon us in that state. Sometimes analysis such as this [writing about it] does lead to some kind of understanding [not necessarily a correct one-but at least enough to satify the dreamer]
    regards,
    reenie
    PS line 5 [should it be massive instead of massif]?
    line 9 [irRidescent instead of iridescent]? 2r's I believe?????


  • novoc
    September 28, 2007

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    Wow, that was excellent. I love poetry involving dreams. Great Samuel Taylor Coleridge was written that way, so too the poems of a girl I know. It is excellently vivid.


  • Lady Ireland gold member
    September 28, 2007
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    Very interesting, loved your vocabulary, it slots in well with metaphor.
    Dolores x


  • awannabepoet
    September 28, 2007
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    Pen to virtual paper

    It is of vivid dreams that you speak that they would have your mind put thoughts to virtual paper that the memories might yet endure and be read and then read once again that one would find the string of thoughts that they might fit into a pensive moment culled simply as one would an illusion.

    I like it, I like it so.


  • Shadow Storm
    September 27, 2007

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    Excellent!

    I'd say this is excellent and definitely a poem. You wrote in a highly artistic style, while your dream imagery was very vivid. I could picture it all quite clearly as I read, and it is certainly a striking vision. It must have been an awesome dream! ~Charles~

  • oldpoets
    September 27, 2007

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    This is kind of wild. It is so different,I had a little problem trying to follow your words. defintely a very good write


  • ricochet rabbit
    September 27, 2007
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    Lots of power in your description here. It is very easy to get lost in the words you weave. And with this, there's a lot of personality -- and personableness. Thank you so much for sharing


  • storiesuntold
    September 27, 2007
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    Loved it

    I love to dwell within others minds that still remember dreams

  • Highway
    September 27, 2007
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    That's pretty insane man, and captivateing, couldn't help but read it the whole way through,haha.


  • syrknogard
    September 27, 2007

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    Nice work

    I can never remember my dreams well enough to actually write about them. Though you seem to have done so easily. And putting your dream into words in such a way makes this poem well done. Superb job.


  • Alice-n-Mushrooms
    September 27, 2007
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    I agree with the last post, lol.
    Great write.

  • Suzanne Dia
    September 27, 2007
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    Trippy.
    Sounds as if your dreams are interesting.

1 - 16 of 16