As I take you into my room
I lay you upon my bed
your eyes open wide
I stand before you naked
You strip off your clothes
approach me slowly
your hand takes hold of me
stroking me firmly
My muscles tense
as your lips rap about
taking all seven inches
into your mouth
You suck harder, and harder
it becomes like a rock
wildly and fast
devouring my cock
I thrust you backwards
before I explode
onto your face
I shoot my load
Licking your lips
face drench in cum
your body quivers
softy saying, YUM
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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very good. strange mental pic but good poem.
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Wow, I tried looking away, but I just couldn't, it was one of those things lol. Yeah, and really 7 inches all the way in...my word. LoL
Nice job!
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YUM
LOL.
I think this is great! Only a coupel of things I'd like to point out (being the nit-picky writer I am):
1) "wildly and fast" - I'd try either "wildly and quickly" or "wild and fast" - I wouldn't mix the endings as you did here.
2) "face drench in cum" - drenched!!!
3) last line - "softy" should be "softly"
I'm not trying to be too critical, just constructive. I am far from perfect myself and I always appreciate constructive criticism of any kind - so hopefully you will, too!
Very well done! Make me smile
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Nice. I get a quite disturbing mental image, but that matters not. Nice description. Great write.
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Well this was Umm... tasty.
as long as you miss the eyes. That shit burns.
delila
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wow!
omg! THAT IS SOME POEM YOU WROTE THERE. HAHA! GOOGD IMAGERY...WITH YOUR SEVEN INCHES...LOL!....
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My dear this is just great and if this is what you like, then your contest I will enter but you must be very careful, for you might not wish for anyone else to be near you for a long long time.
Riftkin -
who can actually get seven inches into their mouth? you must like your women with no gag reflexes lol. good poem and good imagery.
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WOW
This is one hell of a poem, it was great. -
veryy sexy poem!! and of course u can be my cadburys cream egg!
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Yummy indeed. This is very well penned. Love the imagery. Yes definitely Yummy.
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wow. very nicely penned!
sadly i can picture this. Damn pornos! HAHAHA jk. well great poem!
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