She wore a garment that was pure black
as she entered the lake of her doom,
headed to what she thought would save her soul.
Her body was covered with red,
she had been sliced from head to toe
and even her eyes had been carved out of her skull,
yet she continued to walk toward her tombstone
as if her eyes were still there; as if she could still see..
I watched in horror as she came to a stop in front of her grave
and she turned her battered face toward me..
I did not want to see her once porcelain face blood red
and so I looked away;
Disgusted by my once beautiful friend.
When I turned to face my ultimate fear,
she had vanished in the moonlight
and only her crystal tears were left behind in her memory!
Author notes
I decided to enter this poem of mine because I would like to know what other people think of my more.. dark side of writing.. and I thought that if I entered it in a contest, and I won something, I'd feel better about my poem and I'd think it was alright...
A contest entry
- MY HUMONGOUSLY AWESOME KINDAH FANTASY CONTEST! by HarvesterOfHearts.
700 points, ended September 7, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GIVE ME YOUR HM FOR A CHANCETO WIN GOLD by esroddo.
450 points, ended September 21, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - what ever by XxXAmazed MeXxX.
400 points, ended October 17, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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wow.
i can see why you won so many trophies.
^.^
hope all is good for ya sis.
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thanks
glad you came by and read my poem, ill have to comment one of yours!
haven't talked to you in ages, how are you?
watcha been doing? LOL
Kwell I'm really tired atm, I'll have to talk to you later I guess.
K.M xoooo <3
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This poem's really awesome. Great job, and good luck in the contest.
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Hey, I'm amazed! I usually shun goth/dark poems, but I'm glad I read this one, since it's really outstanding.
"she had been sliced from head to toe
and even her eyes had been carved out of her skull,
yet she continued to walk toward her tombstone
as if her eyes were still there; as if she could still see.."
This is horrendous and heartbreakingly sad at the same time. But are you sure the exclamation mark is the best way to end it? It takes a away someof the calm drama that I loved so much in this.
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wow..cool!
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thanks..
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I really like it this is a wonderful Write I really like it! Good Luck
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Thanks for the silver!!
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ummm thank you?? Lol
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Wow, how did you match the picture to the words so perfecty? It really adds emphasis to the poem too, its beautifully dark
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I found it on a site called deviantart.com
and it was good that I did because it really does fit okay with my poem.
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Wow and Wow Over and Over Again
This is a fabulous write. I enjoyed your words this day. I think you have done well with this one. -
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Thankyou I enjoy writing dark poetry, and I'm glad you enjoyed it
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Wow that was outstanding you had me on the end of my seat. The more I read the more I was into this poem. I could almost see what I was reading. This would be great as a novel type write. Like a tale of darkness. Wow and super wow You blew my mine with this piece. thanks for entering and let me read it.
LISA
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Thank you so much for the silver!
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Ooh that's awesome! Can't wait till then I hope to get a silver account too myself, it would be so nice to put up pics for inspirational pieces, it just makes the whole poem more effective. =]
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Yeah,
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That's awesome! I wish I could see the pic you got your inspiration from for this piece. You have really nailed the whole dark poetry thing, I totally couldn't pull something like this off. You're really good at this & the imagery you use is FANTASTIC!
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well you might be able to sometime soon, because I am upgrading to a silver account thing soon, and when I do i'll put the picture up.
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Wow
This one was SO powerful loaded with imagery that literally leaves minds dripping thoughts of a bloody mess! You described everything so perfect, and really created mental visions of this beautifully tragic piece. Loved everything in this, especially the last stanza "When I turned to face my ultimate fear,
she had vanished in the moonlight
and only her crystal tears were left behind in her memory!" Keep writing my AP Australian sis! You are one talented writer, & believe it cus it's true.
Megz -
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aww thanks..
I like to write dark poetry, and I just happened to be inspired by a picture I found on google Lol
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hey there, thanks for the comment and the mention, i really appreciate it. this poem is awesome i love the descriptions in it. hey you should read the rest of my poetry and commnt on it. i will retun the favour. if ou cmment mine though. my mn is blacknightfantay@hotmail.com. keep it real.
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Your welcome
Thanks! Ok well i'll definetlly check out your other poems. -
sorry bout the shit spelling but i'm slightly drunk atm. my real msn is blackightfantasy@hotmail.com
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thats really night in my msn as in blacknightfantasy
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"Disgusted by my once beautiful friend."
This is such a powerful line.
"When I turned to face my ultimate fear,
she had vanished in the moonlight
and only her crystal tears were left behind in her memory"
Beautifully ended. Quite the tragic write however it works. Best of luck in Lost Memory's contest
Bandaid.
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Yes, I was inspired by a picture I got off google
Glad you enjoyed it, and Thank you for wishing me luck
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this is a good write, but i thought the exclimation mark ill placed, i thought it to be more of a suttle ending rather than a 'shout out', but otherwise it was pretty good thanks for entering
~Nick
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THIS. IS. AMAZING. that is all.
best luck
~lostelvenchild
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thanks so much for the HM!!
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