I'm the vase in the corner,
a dusted over relic in your life.
It was the one that you hated,
or don't you remember that?
I'm simple to dirty,
covered in the drit you never seem to clean.
But it isn't just from my differences,
you caused and are cause the cracks I hate.
Please don't break me like the last one,
the sharp pieces on the floor.
I talked to them once,
and they wish you come around to say hi.
But this one day you bumped me,
not just that kinda push you hate.
It was that hating eyes you gave,
they toppled me over the cliff that I was hanging.
I'm shattered,
bleeding to pieces of sadness.
I think of how it was to be ignored,
and I compare it to now.
It was better,
cause I only slowly faded away.
You would still look at me when you needed me,
and cleaned me when I need you most.
Sadly you hated me too much to hold on,
pushing me so I can break suddenly.
But I was so close to turning to dust now,
this push doesn't even hurt me.
I may be shattered,
wait.
I'm shattered to the brink,
and i'm happy about it?
No,
I hate it.
I'm kinda wishing you would just sweep me up,
cause I will fad soon enough.
Blood mixes with the pale view of my shade,
ivory water coming from my eyes.
Give me dust pan and the broom,
and I will take myself away.
You really want me gone if your handing me my death tool.
Author notes
This is about suicide.
A contest entry
- Give Me Something Amazing by So Strange.
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
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"covered in the drit you never seem to clean."
"drit" would be "dirt", since you say "covered" you're speaking in past-tense, so, "seem" would be "Seemed".
"you caused and are cause the cracks I hate." - the second use of "cause" doesn't seem to make sense here. If it's "because" then I would suggest placing the apostrophe in front of it, but, even if it's that - it still doesn't seem to make any sense.
"and they wish you come around to say hi."
The lines above this are in past-tense, so this line should be in past-tense. I would suggest changing it to:
"they wished you'd come around to say hi."
"cause I only slowly faded away." - "cause" would have an apostrophe in front of it. "cause" and "because" are two different words, with two different meanings, with two different soundings.
"and cleaned me when I need you most."
Again, you're speaking in past-tense so not only would "cleaned" be as it is but also "need", to "needed".
"pushing me so I can break suddenly."
past-tense - "can" would be "could".
"cause I will fad soon enough."
Should place an apostrophe in front of the word "cause".
This needs cleaned up. A lot of your sentence structure is grammatically incorrect, when I feel you're trying to be. Do read-throughs, and shorten lines, take out filler words, make the words that should be past-tense be past-tense, and correlate it all together.
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wow this was amazing
and i love the feelings and thoughts in this
it was well thought out
and was full of emotion which gave it the right affect
well done and best of luck
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