In a grassy farmer's knoll
of wayward apple seeds
the bees cheer in tassels
at first sound of scrimmage
Above the galloping clouds
a nestle full of birds
ride oceanic waves
gathering game scores
The ball of two points
and lace boundaries
brakes the sound barrier
destination in prayers
Lassoed in arms huddle
near clutter of death
a player's spine snaps
the beloved sport wins
Below the coffins dance
a mission promise-land
of none morbid dreams
lies a football, once owned
A contest entry
- nothing, but a carnival ... (read the rules first) by A Prophet of 3.
4457 points, ended October 30, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Haunting abstractions
A nice impressionistic perspecive on the danger of a particular sport, or perhaps it may be interpreted in broader scope to speak to a host of senseless activity that can lead to a spine snapping conclusion.
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the title attracted my eye (just coming back from NYC and the Farm Aid Concert) ... an interesting twist to an individual concept ... honestly, the rhyme danced to a rather forced box-step, almost like reading a Dr. Suess book ... it seemed you tried to make this sound like a poem with the fragmented lines forcing the reader to change mind-frames to capture the true essence of this piece ... you have great content, and the right idea, just don't be afraid to play with your words, and let them sing in the voice your mind meant us to hear ...
*cheers* -
Interesting piece, well written, and as usual a GREAT read.....keep up the good work, and thanks for sharing
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