Pieces of time will fill your head.
Fragments of uninvited memories appear,
like wounds which have already bled,
or victories we mark with a tear.
Images print dreams in gold then grey.
Chasing moments you catch with a glance,
like days when we would laugh & play,
or blurry sundowns when we would dance.
An empty chair may stir your fears.
Those close you left were lost so fast,
like a road you take after so many years,
or the chances you missed in the past.
Things said and done, we'll always rue
A tale about us sets a truth alight,
like times we'd spar but start anew,
or a funny finale to another fight.
Author notes
Optional chorus:
Forget it all, if you would, you can smile in all you know. For for all there was and all there is, is life and not a show.
Here is everything.
Please tell me what you think [Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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wow
This is a great poem I have been reading some others there realy good=)
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Good poem. It was a smooth read and you conveyed meaning well. The past is a large part of our lives and I liked how you described something that we all do - pondering and remember our past, good or bad.
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A nice and thought provoking write. Nice job! Patty
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poem is like a music....www.thetop40charts.com
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wow that was deep it was so cool........luvd it
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kul pic is so scene....XxALYx
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awesome
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overall i would say that this is pretty alright, but i think it would be better if you either did a different rhyme scheme or didn't rhyme at all. the rhyming seemed to limit the things you said whereas if you didn't rhyme you might be much more prone to saying something entirely different and maybe would have been able to focus on the creativity of the piece?
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a good strong opening verse, i like the time fillign up the head imagery, and the rhyme is strong and sure.
the second verse is just as strong as the first one, a good rhythm and flow, keeping the pace.
a strong voice in the third verse too, the past brought to the surface of the mind.
and a good ending though maybe add a comma after rue for a pause?
a good poem
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I like this piece a lot
relates the emotional tones very well, structure is fine...good ending, but intersting notes. Love the pic. -
i really like the way this poem is set up and how every other line rhymes, it deffinatlly has a cool patern with that, i like the deitals this poem shares and says so many things about "us" and about love, this poem is really cool, keep wriitng, -Amy
. Rewarded 6
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WOW!!
i loved this write!!! my favorite part was..well all of it!! i love the point behind the poem..awsome piece!! i look forward to reading more..
. Rewarded 4
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wow
Pieces of time will fill your head.
Fragments of uninvited memories appear,
like wounds which have already bled,
or victories we mark with a tear
i love that stanza. it is so real and just what's going on with me right now. you have alot of talent and i hope to see more. you can also rhyme....i can't...so i respect those who can...lol...i especially love when you say fragments of memories cuz its real. when i thinkn about what was i dont think about everything just lil fragments about what was between me and him
. Rewarded 8
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Ryhme and rhythm flowed well. The meaning came through, and the mood matched it very well.
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Liked the flow, rhythm and rhyme in these lines. Enjoyed the sentiments shared as well - easy to read and understand. Memories can bring about smiles, but can also change a bit over time, depending on if they are good or bad.
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This piece was written very nicely. The thoughts here, portrayed beautifully. Creative, powerful and strong. I really like this piece. Good rhyme, rhythm, flow, structure seems to go smoothly. Very evocative, almost alive.
"Images print dreams in gold then grey.
Chasing moments you catch with a glance,
like days when we would laugh & play,
or blurry sundowns when we would dance."
I love this stanza. This is the part that felt alive, good description and movement here. I do like it a lot..
. Rewarded 8
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Oh wow,
Great rhyme, great rhythm..
I really enjoyed this..good job & keep writing!!
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I feel the fierce and unleashed power in this poem. It's as if this has legs, that walk the lines of tempered moments. From the very first line my soul was transported into an aura of intrigue. Each that followed just drew me in deeper. Thank you for sharing your words with me and best wishes to in all of your endeavors. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use dear poet.
♥ Touchof1der -
The flow in your words was really good. The image that you brought out in them as well was very ineresting. I really enjoyed this piece..
Great write..
Peace to you, Jetleena
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Lovely
A very smooth flow to this, the rhyming is quite subtle, but most excellent. Though, to make a suggesting, the second line of the second to last stanza sounds a bit awkward reading it in my head and saying it out loud. But other then that, I thought this was a really good poem and I loved these lines the most, they really spoke to me (not trying to sound cheesy, I swear): 'Pieces of time will fill your head.
Fragments of uninvited memories appear,
like wounds which have already bled,
or victories we mark with a tear.
Images print dreams in gold then grey.
Chasing moments you catch with a glance,
like days when we would laugh & play,'
. Rewarded 8
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As a person that normally doesn't enjoy rhyming poems, I found this one beautiful. It was a poem which stirred memories and distincitly promotoed various images. A beautiful piece which is emotive in its nature.
. Rewarded 4
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very thought provoking as I recall some of my own memories. Thanks for sharing and allowing me to revisit times gone past.
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An empty chair may stir your fears
a good line may strengthen your spirit -
excellent
love "uninvited memories". that expresses so much.
also the fading colors of dreams.
very well written. keep writing and sharing please!
. Rewarded 4
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Wow, this was incredible. I saw in this piece many lines reminding me of times past. And I know so many of them. I don't know what to say accept, incredible.
Hugs,
Vampi
. Rewarded 4
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Well this is indeed a story of the life..and each one can relate with it..you are so true and so honest while defining the immages of the life here..the poetic flow and its scenario is quite powerful to represent the message of yours..well done....
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another fight
Hello there Dale!
Thanks for sharing this touching and emotional poem with us.
I'm not sure why it has an optional chorus in the Notes. I didn't know it was a lyric to start with, but I see I have missed something.
Have an awesome day,
BJ.
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Wow!
Very well done! Great job with the rhyming! I've never been one good at rhyming, but I still try. The imagry is amazing! This is a deep piece! Awesome write!
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I liked this, very nicely done. It's a simple great poem with a great message to it I think everyone can relate to.
like times we'd spar but start anew,
or a funny finale to another fight.
I really like this line at the end, it's something many could benefit from.
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Nicely done. Good luck in the contest.
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wow!
This is definitely sad!
Amazing poem... your second stanza was my favourite! The lines were genius! Great job... keep writing! best of luck in the contest!
Much love,
Ranji
. Rewarded 4
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great write
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This is truly soulful. The storm and the rainbow of love have all been sealed by the heart of eternity.
. Rewarded 4
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Great write ! Enjoyed Reading It, Really Got Me Strung xx
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Well, I think that this is beautiful...although it was "tampered" with until it became such a wonderful poem. Tampered just...seems like a negative word. There's no need to be negative. This is lovely. If you think about it, it is still a song in its own way...since poetry is the heart's song. You sung it beautifully in this piece. Wonderful.
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Great writing my friend. Full of emotion. This piece is quite sad too. Love the imagery here. Keep writing.
All the best
Wayne
. Rewarded 4
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WoW
thats nice. -
Gorgeous....
Loved the picture,and the piece was consistent with it!!!
Loved the addition of colors
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