Caressing upon my skin,
I feel Autumn's gentle wind.
I watch the water-logged leaves
Tumbling along steady grace.
The scent of pine fills the Northwest air.
Sun shaded clouds look down,
As I view the kaleidescope sky.
A moment of forever's smile,
Autumn Magnificence.
A contest entry
- momiji by AJ Morelli.
1300 points, ended September 24, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Beautiful write. I like the part of the kaleidescope sky.
Seemed metaphorical and a unique way of describing the sky in autumn. Keep writing.
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I like this piece a lot
I was thinking today about how we sometimes call autumn fall... fall just feels way more negative. the fall of troy... a fallen soldier... or when you fall and scrape your knee...
autumn is the only fitting name for this season (i think)
love
clay
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such a lovely piece, thank you for entering it here...
al -
Beautiful write but I think it would rise higher if the tense was brought more into the 'now' - Mary expressed it better than I could. Listen to her - she knows stuff
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you've really captured the essence of fall here- i wonder what would happen to the poem if you were able to cut some of the ing endings and make them more stable forces.. such as.. tumble and caressed
nicely done.. thanks for entering
m -
COOL
I know this has noting to do with your poem but my name is Autumn. But anyway i love your poem
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A soft and languorous write, great imagery and some lovely phrasing: 'Tumbling along steady grace' ; 'sun shaded clouds' ; 'the kaleidoscope sky'.
The capitalisations in the final line served it up with a crescendo, much as an MC might introduce a much-loved luminary, most effective!
Best of luck in the contest
PJ
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