Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

autumn feet

 

 

whisper us incidental -
    in song of leaves
    spilling blankets
    over eye,

movement frozen
fast in flame,

treetops burning bright
against the hover chill
that holds our sun -

we mirror fall,
translucent skin; a ragged map
of dance,
of patchwork colours
sewn across our
weathered days,


of Harlequin -


each seam a line
on palm, whose
language we forget

in recalling
one another
as our feet
hook warmth

at
night ...



 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 28 of 28

  • LadyShiva
    March 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the trophy you totally deserved it! The imagery was vivid, alive. The flow was amazing. Beautiful! Thanks for sharing!

    Lauren


  • PerfectImperfection
    March 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is such a powerful piece! Intense and truly captivating use of imagery and fine detail. Very well spoken lines to encompass the beat; the warmth that radiates within. Stunning.
    Excellent write!


  • seamaiden
    March 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on the silver trophy for this brilliant autumn scene that you gave to me. The imagery is fantastic and it flowed very smooth. The metaphors are excellent and this is a well deserved award. Thank you for sharing with me and keep writing poet. seamaiden ♥


  • Valley Girl silver member
    March 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great write! So many images came to mind! Congrats on the silver trophy!


  • motel silver member
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a beautiful poem ... full of wonderful evocative language .... love the image of our body having language due to our rugged skin.


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow this is amazing. the imagery that flows frm within your woirds is intriguing with emotions well done on the silver


  • TizMoi
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Can see why you picked up a shiny on this one. Great imagery with such an autumnal feeling too. Thanks for sharing.


  • Gwenevere
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A lovely feel of the warmth of Autumn in this poem.I am so pleased that you won a shiny Silver trophy for this.It was well deserved.A golden moment, I think.Well done and good luck, Ros


  • geron
    March 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    really nice i enjoyed reading this one. thank you for sharing it.


  • grannyeri gold member
    March 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    great and creative use of space - silver winner is something here - congrats on the great job here!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    March 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow that gives such a lovely feeling while reading this....beautiful imagery!


  • rebeka
    September 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful writing


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i would lose the ellipses at the end, but even with them i agree, this is indeed wonderful...


    al


  • Cat gold member
    September 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is just wonderful


    m


  • RuthKephart
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    love the use of the word Harlequin in this piece. Beautiful word choice and imagery
    Ruth

  • Rowan gold member
    September 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow. What more can I say?
    This definitely had an autumnal feel to it, a sense of drifting and change. Excellent.


  • misselaineous
    September 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this has a wonderful tone and voice

    hover chill that holds our sun

    loved that bit


  • Cherokee
    September 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    EEEEK!!!!! Oh Wow!
    Favirite part

    "each seam a line
    on palm, whose
    language we forget"


  • Namita
    September 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "each seam a line
    on palm, whose
    language we forget

    in recalling
    one another
    as our feet
    hook warmth

    at
    night"

    Sigh~ Such a brilliant poetic piece, this is. Excellent penning. You've captured the essence of beauty. Just amazing.

    Candy


  • tara wilson gold member
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "each seam a line
    on palm, whose
    language we forget

    in recalling
    one another
    as our feet
    hook warmth

    at
    night ..."

    Brilliant...



  • transcendental baby gold member
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the interlacing of warmth and cold with the movement of time and memory ... all just the seasons of our lives moving from one reality to the next (that's probably not your interpretation ... but it's mine ) Beautifully done Lady K


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh your journey in this was fantastic
    I adored the last bit and where it took me in wishing paul was here to hook with!
    I was lost within 'mirror fall'
    that was so intersting and made my mind twist like a tornado

  • Suzanne Dia
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply


    Ok, I have to warn you I very rarely offer critical comments, as poetry to me is about expression more than technical merit (unless blindingly bad).

    So, my thoughts on this..I love the language, the use of harlequin as well. Don't we all have our masks, life is a masquerade really, I think. Each of us donning our face in the morning so we can make it through a day.

    Thing with me is I never forget the language of those lines. It can be frustratingly debilitating. But I think it is magic, too


  • Cryostasis
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful and Expressive

    I really enjoyed the read...
    ...especially the interesting structure of the poem.

    Expressively fantastic!!!!! ;-)

    Greetings
    Cryostasis


  • Malabu
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I truly love the last line

    it brings much to my thoughts...being I have a warm body...and many of the women in my life had cold feet...they would wrap their feet around mine...while we slept...fabulous poem Femm...truly
    Mal

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    September 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    .


  • Exodus gold member
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is gorgeous darlin'. And I love it all the more for you managing to fit "Harlequin" in there I'll have to show this to the girl, she'll love it almost as much as I do. ♥


  • MuddyKing
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    I love the take on the prompt, I have been letting this contest brew for a bit. It seems you have as well.
    Excellent piece of writing
    best wishes
    peace and hugs
    Muddy

1 - 28 of 28