I walk the line between sanity and destruction.
It is a never-ending battle within,
A fine thread I’ve held so carefully,
An inner war that’s about to end.
The thread is bare,
About to snap,
And with it, all I love seems to crumble.
I find myself growing colder,
Harsher,
Preparing myself for the unavoidable tension.
It seems life has conditioned me this way,
Trained me for chaos,
All niceties lost at the first fissure upon my heart.
Will you be the innocent to fall upon my path?
When I break, beware,
I’ll only take you down with me.
I am a domino effect,
And the only thing I bring is destruction.
When sanity is gone,
I am what is left.
A chaotic soul.
Crumbling.
I am a plague.
When I fall,
Everyone will follow.
I am Sin.
Author notes
VESPASIEN
This is the opening poem to a story I've begun working on. It's about demons and angels, and the humans caught between. I'm not sure I'll keep with it, if it's good enough writing or not, but if anyone wants to check out the prologue it's here: http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2411410/1/ and tell me your thoughts, that'd be nifty.
The video above the poem also goes with the story.. I made it for the story, mhmm.
Summary of Vid:
"They say the Talking Board opens a gateway to let evil in.
Too bad Shiloh didn't know that before she let herself be talked into using one. Now she's not only being stalked by a demon named Alastair, but everyone, demons and angels alike, know about her powers. She's a powerful psychic, not only sensing what evil events await, but she can sense those who serve the Underworld as well.
Heaven wants her to protect the good of the world from Lucifer's wrath, and the impending war between the extremes.
Hell wants her to lead an army, and pave the way for a world of darkness.
How does she choose?
And what happens when she begins to fall in love with Alastair, a demon only sent to tempt her, to gauge her strength?
Does she choose love and give into the darkness to save it? Or will she fight, and give up all she's ever cared for in the process?"
A contest entry
- Less Than Five Trohpies Or None At All? Then C'Mere! by amaranthine lover.
516 points, ended September 12, 2007, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For Poets with 5 or Less Trophys by Starz of Heaven.
550 points, ended September 6, 2007, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Video Poems by Quill.
600 points, ended September 17, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Madison Mary.
1000 points, ended September 18, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites that dont suck. by parachute fog.
400 points, ended October 20, 2007, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Jerk's Contest: Discover it! by Avatar of Innocence.
585 points, ended March 16, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me Everything you've Got by CrystalJet.
600 points, ended March 14, 2008, 318 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Open Door by SurelyWritten.
303 points, ended March 28, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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The human pride demands an audience, wether in glorification, putrification or just watching us fall, fall, fall and grabbing the table cloth on the way to the floor the meal that would feed us all.
The best thing in this piece is it is not maudlin or full of self pity. I waited for the last lines to lose it and slip into this. Instead, it ends in anger and pride with a false pretense of warning when it is all about how no one can stand against true temptation and sin.
Love Tom B.
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Very dark, I didn't watch the video when I saw that it was about a ougi board, I am not into that, and have no interest in them. I only care about the poetry, and will only comment on it. I personally believe poems should be able to stand alone, without alot of author's notes, images, or that kind of stuff. Although I realize that is only my opinion and it will have no affect on my judging.
This definitely is not my prefered style when it comes to reading and writing poetry, but I saw some poetic devices within this. Personification for one, is used throughout the entire poem, a dying art when it comes to poetry, but one I love to see. And also alliterative descriptives such as "first fissure."
I am asking that everyone in the contest send me a message or respond to my comment telling my why they chose the particular poem they entered, for my contest. Only contestants that do this will be eligible for winning when it comes time for judging.
Thanks for entering,
Shirley
(A more critical review may follow during judging, but no applauses will be given to any entry, even the ones that deserve them.) -
"I walk the line between sanity and destruction.
It is a never-ending battle within"
This line is so true we all have inner battles that seem like they will never end
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Dude...props to you for trying out this story-line, however, this story/poem mildy resounds of "Spawn" and "Constantine"...maybe I'm being too cynical. I have nothing really nice to say about this poem, so I guess I will just shut up now before I hurt anyone's feelings
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First, the video wasn't expected. I thought it was a random video with the poem you wrote as speech/song, but it wasn't. Other than that, I liked the definition you made of sin. I don't know if you're trying to rhyme, however, like in
"I find myself growing colder,
Harsher"
And in
"All niceties lost at the first fissure upon my heart.
Will you be the innocent to fall upon my path?"
If not, let me tell you that was talent.
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Thanks! I actually wound up writing the poem after I made the video... too much inspiration running rampant through my veins.
I hadn't realized there was rhyming until you pointed it out. Whoa. I just kinda freewrite everything and what will be will be.
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I really liked it. The video was great and the poem went well. I don't know a lot of emotions flow through me from this piece but I am not sure what it is. Well done.
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Reminds me of how one can turn in anger against everything, which is just about the time that they see some good and their heart is lifted back up out of the hatred they have, that is literally eating them alive, and killing them. Either that or they start taking crack and die.
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Very powerful, moving piece. My favourite lines are:
When sanity is gone,
I am what is left.
Wow, scary! Excellent poem! Julie.
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OH MY GOD!!!
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This was marvelous! The rhythm to this was a constant and never faltered. The thoughts expressed through the lines are magnificent.
I'm very much interested in that book now, lol.
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this is a wonderful piece
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Am sorry but what is the artist and name of that song. thank you
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I am ready a big fan of you will be keeping up with you wand your works. When I first read the poem I thought constantine, before watching the video. I can't wait to see where you go with this. Good job.
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The power of this poem is incredible because it shows the battle between good and evil. Good luck.
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Simply incredible
When I started this, I was unsure about it, but as it went on, it just got awesome. By the end, I was floored. I read it again, and it was even better the second time. You seem to suggest that sin might actually be remorseful which is a stunning take. You leave the reader wondering at the emotion behind the poem. Numb. Grudgingly accepting. Rebellious despite the futility.
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This is wow an amazing piece.
When I break, beware,
I’ll only take you down with me.
I am a domino effect,
And the only thing I bring is destruction.
When sanity is gone,
I am what is left.
A chaotic soul.
Crumbling.
I am a plague.
When I fall,
Everyone will follow.
I am Sin.
Thank you for sharing Best of luck to you in the contest.
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